cal's monster offensive line
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Last: 2 hrs ago by Shocky1
2026 ncca men's golf selection show update:
https://instagr.am/p/C-txvMhPjj7
acc individual champion ziqin zhou & his bears teammates will be heading to the midwest may 18-20th for the columbus ohio regional as the 8th seed in the 15 team regional, the top 5 scoring teams will advance to la costa's legoland course for the 2026 national championship tournament!!
the bears best tournament of this season wuz at the alistar mackenzie designed pasatiempo so it's a plus that this regional will be staged on the mackenzie designed ohio state scarlet course...like pasa it will be critical to leave approach shots below the holes to ensure uphill putting/scrambling, working from above the pins no es bueno
https://instagr.am/p/CgcblmKjlde
yeah a real challenge will be the 7400 yard length (pasatiempo is 6500 yards from the tips) as the bears other than z & berridge are undersized at this time in their body developments...working on long irons/utility woods will need to be a point of focus/emphasis before traveling to big 10 country/absolute worst dogfood on planet earth
coach wilson & coach ireland need to reach out to former pga touring pro brandon hagy (now living in palm beach after residing in charlotte & north scottsdale, his short game went downhill after leaving whisper rock) who shot lights out several times at korn ferry tournaments at the scarlet for a zoom call with the team to get his thoughts on every hole & it's playing strategies...coach desimone (everybody loves des) tole me at our recent lunch at the chandler cheesecake factory that brandon (a haas biz ad grad like me & steve) is arguably the smartest/best student that's ever been in berkeley so his ability to analytically break down the scarlet would be an invaluable resource
architecturally the scarlet is not an authentic mackenzie design as osu drop out jack nicklaus did a bizarro ruinivation job adding ugly azz weird as **** water hazards on the front nine & botox back tees in his effort to modernize the course for today's longer hitting players...the shockster's columbus golf course rankings are as follows:
1) the golf club: one of pete dye's best works with lower profile features/hazards...a men's only club my host last time tole me his wife entered the pro shop near xmas time to gift him some merch & he got a stern letter from the club prez that if this evah happened again he would be looking for a new club to join
2) scotio: fabulous set of donald ross greens, recently restored by the uber talented andrew green (also worked on oak hill, inverness & congressional blue)
3) double eagle: immaculately conditioned very private weiskopf design with several risk/reward short par 4s, there are no tee markers so you just tee it up wherever the **** you wanna tee it up which is FUN!!
4) ohio state (scarlet): back nine is significantly more interesting than the front nine
5) muirifeld village: relentlessly penal/brutal, there's a reason jack (and other touring pros like norman & palmer) have never designed a world top 100 course)
https://instagr.am/p/B1jTGCmIhlB
there's gonna be an intense internal qualifying competition for the travel squad to the ncca regionals but the undersized cali bears are gonna be considered underdogs in the quest for advancing, guys gotta smile with deep breathing & enjoy/celebrate these moments with their teammates!!
and then after this season some real serious ******* CHANGES involving nutrition (tracking daily protein grams) & upgraded s&c workouts (including starting yoga/meditation practices) need to happen to reshape the bodies of our cute/tiny team, too many bears are built like shocky which is ******* great if u wanna be a substitute yoga teacher17 (syt17) at modern yoga but no bueno if u wanna get PAID playing golf and/or win a national championship (right callixte??)!!
https://instagr.am/p/CySV45_LX_a
LIV golf update:
anybody gotta a couple of billion dollars to pay some unlikeable (jay & jenny level) piece of **** washed up golfers that took the 9/11 terrorist financed blood money to play meaningless exhibition golf???
^ asu grad (communications major) can't read a contract because there's big words & ****
**** rahm (make him earn his pga tour card back by qualifying on the european dp tour further afar from his silverleaf home) & dechambo (can play you tube golf & then try to compete in the majors, haha)...very disappointed that my guy byeong hun an (gave the bull**** excuse he wanted "to grow the game in south korea") took the dirty bag, ben is kinda ****** now
https://instagr.am/p/C-txvMhPjj7
acc individual champion ziqin zhou & his bears teammates will be heading to the midwest may 18-20th for the columbus ohio regional as the 8th seed in the 15 team regional, the top 5 scoring teams will advance to la costa's legoland course for the 2026 national championship tournament!!
the bears best tournament of this season wuz at the alistar mackenzie designed pasatiempo so it's a plus that this regional will be staged on the mackenzie designed ohio state scarlet course...like pasa it will be critical to leave approach shots below the holes to ensure uphill putting/scrambling, working from above the pins no es bueno
https://instagr.am/p/CgcblmKjlde
yeah a real challenge will be the 7400 yard length (pasatiempo is 6500 yards from the tips) as the bears other than z & berridge are undersized at this time in their body developments...working on long irons/utility woods will need to be a point of focus/emphasis before traveling to big 10 country/absolute worst dogfood on planet earth
coach wilson & coach ireland need to reach out to former pga touring pro brandon hagy (now living in palm beach after residing in charlotte & north scottsdale, his short game went downhill after leaving whisper rock) who shot lights out several times at korn ferry tournaments at the scarlet for a zoom call with the team to get his thoughts on every hole & it's playing strategies...coach desimone (everybody loves des) tole me at our recent lunch at the chandler cheesecake factory that brandon (a haas biz ad grad like me & steve) is arguably the smartest/best student that's ever been in berkeley so his ability to analytically break down the scarlet would be an invaluable resource
architecturally the scarlet is not an authentic mackenzie design as osu drop out jack nicklaus did a bizarro ruinivation job adding ugly azz weird as **** water hazards on the front nine & botox back tees in his effort to modernize the course for today's longer hitting players...the shockster's columbus golf course rankings are as follows:
1) the golf club: one of pete dye's best works with lower profile features/hazards...a men's only club my host last time tole me his wife entered the pro shop near xmas time to gift him some merch & he got a stern letter from the club prez that if this evah happened again he would be looking for a new club to join
2) scotio: fabulous set of donald ross greens, recently restored by the uber talented andrew green (also worked on oak hill, inverness & congressional blue)
3) double eagle: immaculately conditioned very private weiskopf design with several risk/reward short par 4s, there are no tee markers so you just tee it up wherever the **** you wanna tee it up which is FUN!!
4) ohio state (scarlet): back nine is significantly more interesting than the front nine
5) muirifeld village: relentlessly penal/brutal, there's a reason jack (and other touring pros like norman & palmer) have never designed a world top 100 course)
https://instagr.am/p/B1jTGCmIhlB
there's gonna be an intense internal qualifying competition for the travel squad to the ncca regionals but the undersized cali bears are gonna be considered underdogs in the quest for advancing, guys gotta smile with deep breathing & enjoy/celebrate these moments with their teammates!!
and then after this season some real serious ******* CHANGES involving nutrition (tracking daily protein grams) & upgraded s&c workouts (including starting yoga/meditation practices) need to happen to reshape the bodies of our cute/tiny team, too many bears are built like shocky which is ******* great if u wanna be a substitute yoga teacher17 (syt17) at modern yoga but no bueno if u wanna get PAID playing golf and/or win a national championship (right callixte??)!!
https://instagr.am/p/CySV45_LX_a
LIV golf update:
anybody gotta a couple of billion dollars to pay some unlikeable (jay & jenny level) piece of **** washed up golfers that took the 9/11 terrorist financed blood money to play meaningless exhibition golf???
"I have several years on my contract left, and I'm pretty sure they did a pretty good job when they drafted that. So I don't see many ways out ..." pic.twitter.com/ExSo7KQ58d
— Kyle Porter (@KylePorterNS) May 6, 2026
^ asu grad (communications major) can't read a contract because there's big words & ****
**** rahm (make him earn his pga tour card back by qualifying on the european dp tour further afar from his silverleaf home) & dechambo (can play you tube golf & then try to compete in the majors, haha)...very disappointed that my guy byeong hun an (gave the bull**** excuse he wanted "to grow the game in south korea") took the dirty bag, ben is kinda ****** now
— Ari (@Ari19280205) May 7, 2026
Name a better WR Coach tandem? @Coach_Ike19 , a first rounder, was the #7 player taken in the draft!! Rare 💎 Played in the NFL for 10+ & coached for 13 years!! Elite!! I’ve lead the country in yards as a hs senior & did it again in 2003 @CalFootball broke every record & HOF… pic.twitter.com/P8ij33bmso
— Geoff McArthur (@CoachMcArthur6) May 7, 2026
NFL/PGA development in berkeley (right callixte??)!!#
https://instagr.am/p/B7bdckuDhlD
Just incase they forgot #GoBears pic.twitter.com/tU8QvQd9a7
— Benji Palu (@BenjiPalu_Cal) May 6, 2026
benji, in case you haven't figured it out yet ur dumb azz boss (the one with the 3 stooges trim) don't know this FUN fact!!
this is cal football (sigh)#
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in contra costa county (or whatever)
2026 miss north carolina tournament: 1st round update
https://instagr.am/p/DU3Zg-EEbXX
^ the shockster is attracted to them cbyf1s that gesticulate a lot when speaking but kinda wondering if that's natural or just something that teach at stripper/beauty pageant school??
michael kim (69, tied for 20th): michael is striking the ball well & rolling the rock (102 feet in made putts despite visiting 3 jack national twice) but the real highlight wuz on the diabolical par 4 18th hole (last year the hardest par 4 on the pga tour) when he pushed his drive into the right rough with trees blocking his approach so he creatively played his 2nd shot 190 yards OVER the left creek into the rough to set up a good angle to the deep right pin then flopped up to 10 feet & canned the par putt!!
max homa (+2 thru 16 holes before the lightning suspending play for the day, tied for 52nd): the good news is that max's shirt collar no longer got that ugly as **** mastercard logo which kinda looked like sloppy mustard/ketchup stains from a top dog!!
LIV exhibition league update:
almost a dozen fans in a wild phoenix open kinda atmosphere surrounding the 18th green at trump's architecturally sorry azz course in virginia!!
https://instagr.am/p/DU3Zg-EEbXX
^ the shockster is attracted to them cbyf1s that gesticulate a lot when speaking but kinda wondering if that's natural or just something that teach at stripper/beauty pageant school??
michael kim (69, tied for 20th): michael is striking the ball well & rolling the rock (102 feet in made putts despite visiting 3 jack national twice) but the real highlight wuz on the diabolical par 4 18th hole (last year the hardest par 4 on the pga tour) when he pushed his drive into the right rough with trees blocking his approach so he creatively played his 2nd shot 190 yards OVER the left creek into the rough to set up a good angle to the deep right pin then flopped up to 10 feet & canned the par putt!!
max homa (+2 thru 16 holes before the lightning suspending play for the day, tied for 52nd): the good news is that max's shirt collar no longer got that ugly as **** mastercard logo which kinda looked like sloppy mustard/ketchup stains from a top dog!!
LIV exhibition league update:
almost a dozen fans in a wild phoenix open kinda atmosphere surrounding the 18th green at trump's architecturally sorry azz course in virginia!!
Hype crowd 😂@WestwoodLee chips in for birdie on 18 💪#LIVGolfVirginia | @MajesticksGC pic.twitter.com/dsEP5FwHB0
— LIV Golf (@livgolf_league) May 7, 2026
https://instagr.am/p/DYA6PtChW9_
real talk: australian lulu "let it fly" twidale (nohl had better quit ******* around & put a ring on it) is the most MARKETABLE cal women's athlete of our lifetimes yet the women (and men) hoopsters compete in a near EMPTY haas pavilion because of the worthless non berkeley grad bureaucrats (starting with the unlikeable jay & jenny) who got no clue how to engage NEW fans particularly students with authentic storytelling in today's 6 second attention span economy
and the poorly conceived strawberry creek studios led by 2 non berkeley grads including lazy azz jonathan okanes is just moving the chairs around on the titanic kinda like rebranding "jay and jenny's notes" to "jenny and jay's journal" or some stupid bull**** like that
the reason the football (the uc championship game at memorial stadium on saturday september 5th is gonna be SOLD OUT, ucla is gonna show up in large #s, do u got ur tixs??) & men's golf programs are ascending on EXCITING upward trajectories is because berkeley grads tosh lupoi, ron rivera, kevin kennedy, randy scott, lance cooper, doug and lisa goldman & michael wilson get it
rich, this **** is not that complicated, just do the right thing (berkeley grad andrew mcgraw for athletic director)
real talk: australian lulu "let it fly" twidale (nohl had better quit ******* around & put a ring on it) is the most MARKETABLE cal women's athlete of our lifetimes yet the women (and men) hoopsters compete in a near EMPTY haas pavilion because of the worthless non berkeley grad bureaucrats (starting with the unlikeable jay & jenny) who got no clue how to engage NEW fans particularly students with authentic storytelling in today's 6 second attention span economy
and the poorly conceived strawberry creek studios led by 2 non berkeley grads including lazy azz jonathan okanes is just moving the chairs around on the titanic kinda like rebranding "jay and jenny's notes" to "jenny and jay's journal" or some stupid bull**** like that
the reason the football (the uc championship game at memorial stadium on saturday september 5th is gonna be SOLD OUT, ucla is gonna show up in large #s, do u got ur tixs??) & men's golf programs are ascending on EXCITING upward trajectories is because berkeley grads tosh lupoi, ron rivera, kevin kennedy, randy scott, lance cooper, doug and lisa goldman & michael wilson get it
rich, this **** is not that complicated, just do the right thing (berkeley grad andrew mcgraw for athletic director)
~ without looking it up, just listening to Dutch English lyrics once, what are they singing about? shocks might know
2027 high school recruiting update:
jeovanni, as a 3.3 gpa ELITE 6' 185 lbs defensive back with SPEED from nearby serra high school let the monster help you break it down in case you haven't already figured it out yet, ok??
byu: do u really want to sign the student conduct document & live in freezing azz provo utah for the next 4 years??...r u an eskimo & do u own an igloo??
washington: drizzly azz seattle is depressing as **** most of the year & expensive/time consuming for the fam to travel to on fall gamedays...if not seeing ur fam or sunshine for 9 months of the year won't negatively affect ur mental health this might be a good spot for u
texas: tasty food in austin particularly at the food trucks but are the longhorns the best path for NFL development via early playing time/starting opportunity??
connecticut: would be FUN to live on the east coast a couple of hours drive between both boston & new york city and not that hard for ur fam to get to on fall gamedays if they own a private jet
cal: the rich people that live in the mansions in nearby atherton & hillsborough are NOT grads of 2nd tier academic skools like byu, texas, uconn & washington, they built generational wealth as grads of berkeley, stanford & the ivy league...don't be a dumb azz, high school football stars that get exploited at football factories as disposable gladiators wake up at age 30 working security at pac bell stadium for 20 bucks an hour, ur hopefully not that guy
yeah jeovanni, this **** is not that complicated, which head coach do u wanna climb mountains with brah??
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and a 30 minute drive to memorial stadium for the fam on fall gamedays)
Where’s 🏠 pic.twitter.com/Wx517eWrxC
— Jeovanni Henley⭐️⭐️⭐️ (@JeovanniHenley) May 8, 2026
jeovanni, as a 3.3 gpa ELITE 6' 185 lbs defensive back with SPEED from nearby serra high school let the monster help you break it down in case you haven't already figured it out yet, ok??
byu: do u really want to sign the student conduct document & live in freezing azz provo utah for the next 4 years??...r u an eskimo & do u own an igloo??
washington: drizzly azz seattle is depressing as **** most of the year & expensive/time consuming for the fam to travel to on fall gamedays...if not seeing ur fam or sunshine for 9 months of the year won't negatively affect ur mental health this might be a good spot for u
texas: tasty food in austin particularly at the food trucks but are the longhorns the best path for NFL development via early playing time/starting opportunity??
connecticut: would be FUN to live on the east coast a couple of hours drive between both boston & new york city and not that hard for ur fam to get to on fall gamedays if they own a private jet
cal: the rich people that live in the mansions in nearby atherton & hillsborough are NOT grads of 2nd tier academic skools like byu, texas, uconn & washington, they built generational wealth as grads of berkeley, stanford & the ivy league...don't be a dumb azz, high school football stars that get exploited at football factories as disposable gladiators wake up at age 30 working security at pac bell stadium for 20 bucks an hour, ur hopefully not that guy
we just gotta keep reloading..
— For The Bay (@GoBearrs) May 7, 2026
☑️ @Mdot_5
☑️ @DuvayAllday
..who's next?? pic.twitter.com/Wgk96A5Sp4
yeah jeovanni, this **** is not that complicated, which head coach do u wanna climb mountains with brah??
Bears🐻@CoachLup @CoachHeyward @CoachDBrown27 @_CoachBoyd @CalFootball pic.twitter.com/2ucuseaWje
— Jeovanni Henley⭐️⭐️⭐️ (@JeovanniHenley) March 14, 2026
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and a 30 minute drive to memorial stadium for the fam on fall gamedays)
Thank you to @dlsathletics & to my head coach - Justin Alumbaugh - for selecting me as #DLSAthleteOfTheYear🙏🏽 I'm truly humbled & honored to receive this award!
— Nemyah Telona - 3⭐️⭐️⭐️ (@NemyahTelona59) May 1, 2026
GOD IS GOOD ‼️#ClassOf2026 #GoSpartans pic.twitter.com/sLYHrng66J
https://instagr.am/p/DPYkpzrDvuI
this is the delasalle/cal pipeline of EXCELLENCE both on & off the field (in case you haven't figured this out yet)#
Shocky1 said:
2027 high school recruiting update:Where’s 🏠 pic.twitter.com/Wx517eWrxC
— Jeovanni Henley⭐️⭐️⭐️ (@JeovanniHenley) May 8, 2026
jeovanni, as a 3.3 gpa ELITE 6' 185 lbs defensive back with SPEED from nearby serra high school let the monster help you break it down in case you haven't already figured it out yet, ok??
byu: do u really want to sign the student conduct document & live in freezing azz provo utah for the next 4 years??...r u an eskimo & do u own an igloo??
washington: drizzly azz seattle is depressing as **** most of the year & expensive/time consuming for the fam to travel to on fall gamedays...if not seeing ur fam or sunshine for 9 months of the year won't negatively affect ur mental health this might be a good spot for u
texas: tasty food in austin particularly at the food trucks but are the longhorns the best path for NFL development via early playing time/starting opportunity??
connecticut: would be FUN to live on the east coast a couple of hours drive between both boston & new york city and not that hard for ur fam to get to on fall gamedays if they own a private jet
cal: the rich people that live in the mansions in nearby atherton & hillsborough are NOT grads of 2nd tier academic skools like byu, texas, uconn & washington, they built generational wealth as grads of berkeley, stanford & the ivy league...don't be a dumb azz, high school football stars that get exploited at football factories as disposable gladiators wake up at age 30 working security at pac bell stadium for 20 bucks an hour, ur hopefully not that guywe just gotta keep reloading..
— For The Bay (@GoBearrs) May 7, 2026
☑️ @Mdot_5
☑️ @DuvayAllday
..who's next?? pic.twitter.com/Wgk96A5Sp4
yeah jeovanni, this **** is not that complicated, which head coach do u wanna climb mountains with brah??
Really good arguments against UCONN. That's probably the reason why he has Penn St on his list instead
https://instagr.am/p/DX761Q8G0-b
thx for the heads up donnie (the greatest blitzing defensive back in the ******* history of cal football), the monster obviously don't know/recognize all the school mascots & ****
penn state: absolutely in the middle of ******* nowhere (good luck to ur fam tryna get there on gamedays without a private jet), literally everyone in non diverse state college pennsylvania is straight up white except for the few blacks & polys that play on the sports teams...really lousy snowy winters, severe windstorm springs & nasty humid summers, this is NOT cali weather and the academics aren't gonna open any doors when ur 30 years old
thx for the heads up donnie (the greatest blitzing defensive back in the ******* history of cal football), the monster obviously don't know/recognize all the school mascots & ****
penn state: absolutely in the middle of ******* nowhere (good luck to ur fam tryna get there on gamedays without a private jet), literally everyone in non diverse state college pennsylvania is straight up white except for the few blacks & polys that play on the sports teams...really lousy snowy winters, severe windstorm springs & nasty humid summers, this is NOT cali weather and the academics aren't gonna open any doors when ur 30 years old
https://instagr.am/p/DX8TkmCgJaL
^ if shocky wuz married to this cbyf1 we would probably just communicate in sign/doggy dog language or something (she would hopefully tell me all the time that ima "such a good boy" and not that ima "emotionally needy")!!
2026 miss north carolina tournament: 2nd round update
michael kim (72, tied for 30th): an explosive 5 birdies kinda got negated by 2 water balls (due to questionable clubbing on the par 3 17th hole & decision making from the left trees on the par 5 7th holes), michael rolled in 102 feet of putts so he's primed to rocket up the leaderboard manana after a fiery chipotle bowl this evening!!...burp
max homa (70, tied for 41st): solid work finishing the brutal final 3 holes for the 1st round & then breaking par in the 2nd round despite water balls on the par 4 14th & 18th holes...max rolled in 80 feet of putts in the 2nd round, just gotta find a few more fairways (6 outta 14 today) manana to make a significant move this weekend!!
cal golf update:
https://instagr.am/p/DYEGw65szES
golf architecture nerds/students like schulzy do not regard jack nicklaus as an elite designer but with that being said mayacama in wine country is arguably his best work on planet earth...despite being only 6780 yards from the tips it's got an unreal brutal 150 slope rating but is still FUN with its 5 par 5s & 5 par 3s..the worst hole is the par 5 18th hole with the ugly/unnatural manmade lake jealously guarding the green & it's a poor routing that results in the vertical hike from the 12th green to the 13th tee box (golf carts r for losers), just typical jack overkill/lack of attention to details....yeah the monster prefers the walkable authentic pure golf c&c designed brambles (foto below) over the high luxury mayacama but never gonna pass up dining on linguine con vongole with freshly baked sourdough at maya's classic tuscany clubhouse overlooking the property
^ if shocky wuz married to this cbyf1 we would probably just communicate in sign/doggy dog language or something (she would hopefully tell me all the time that ima "such a good boy" and not that ima "emotionally needy")!!
2026 miss north carolina tournament: 2nd round update
michael kim (72, tied for 30th): an explosive 5 birdies kinda got negated by 2 water balls (due to questionable clubbing on the par 3 17th hole & decision making from the left trees on the par 5 7th holes), michael rolled in 102 feet of putts so he's primed to rocket up the leaderboard manana after a fiery chipotle bowl this evening!!...burp
max homa (70, tied for 41st): solid work finishing the brutal final 3 holes for the 1st round & then breaking par in the 2nd round despite water balls on the par 4 14th & 18th holes...max rolled in 80 feet of putts in the 2nd round, just gotta find a few more fairways (6 outta 14 today) manana to make a significant move this weekend!!
cal golf update:
https://instagr.am/p/DYEGw65szES
golf architecture nerds/students like schulzy do not regard jack nicklaus as an elite designer but with that being said mayacama in wine country is arguably his best work on planet earth...despite being only 6780 yards from the tips it's got an unreal brutal 150 slope rating but is still FUN with its 5 par 5s & 5 par 3s..the worst hole is the par 5 18th hole with the ugly/unnatural manmade lake jealously guarding the green & it's a poor routing that results in the vertical hike from the 12th green to the 13th tee box (golf carts r for losers), just typical jack overkill/lack of attention to details....yeah the monster prefers the walkable authentic pure golf c&c designed brambles (foto below) over the high luxury mayacama but never gonna pass up dining on linguine con vongole with freshly baked sourdough at maya's classic tuscany clubhouse overlooking the property
california golden bears yucky blucky fruitcake classes (mr spieker not amused cuz he got worser seats):
doechii, why don't you introduce the yucky blucky fruitcakes to the class?
2027 class:
duvay williams, corner/nickel back (3.2 gpa)
jaxsen stokes, running back (3.7 gpa)
miles isaac schirmer, defensive lineman (3.5 gpa)
antwon "aj" sanders iii, running back (3.0+ gpa)
charles "spida" davis iii, wideout (3.0+ gpa)
myles baker, safety (3.7 gpa)
troy bowens, edge defender (3.5 gpa)
blake gunter, wide receiver (4.0 gpa)
zach brien, kicker (3.8 gpa)
gunnar perry, linebacker (3.7 gpa)
giovanni hodge, edge defender (4.0 gpa)
2026 class:
david bird, longsnapper (4.0 gpa)
jacob johnson, punter (3.1 gpa)
sosaia noa, tight end (3.0+ gpa)
roger vaderhoef, offensive lineman (3.5 gpa)
rico walker, tight end (3.1 gpa)
aj tuitele, linebacker (3.0 gpa)
joshua pierce, edge defender (3.5 gpa)
jayden williams, defensive line (3.1 gpa)
kamar mothudi, inside linebacker (3.3 gpa)
ricky "trenches" fletcher, defensive back (3.3 gpa)
jericho johnson, defensive tackle (3.0+ gpa)
emmanuel okoye, edge defender (strong student from nigeria)
jackson brosseau, quarterback (3.96 gpa)
angus davies, punter (honor roll student from australia)
daniel harris, cornerback (3.1 gpa)
ashton rivera, offensive lineman (3.7 gpa)
kahlee tafai, offensive lineman (3.15 gpa)
ashun shepphard, defensive line (3.0+ gpa)
cooper perry, wide receiver (4.1 gpa)
towns mcgough, kicker (4.0 gpa)
marquis "mgk" groves-killebrew (3.3 gpa)
justin beadles, defensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
tristan jernigan, inside linebacker (3.0+ gpa)
jimothy lewis jr, offensive tackle (3.4 gpa)
michael hurst jr, safety (3.0+ gpa)
chase hendricks, wide receiver (3.21 gpa)
mykeal rabess, offensive lineman (3.68 gpa)
carter vargas, running back (3.2 gpa)
ashten emory, running back (3.7 gpa)
dorian thomas, tight end (3.6 gpa)
adam mohammed, running back (3.5 gpa)
kingston lopa, defensive back (3.0 gpa)
ian strong, wide receiver (3.75 gpa)
jacob arop, offensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
solomon williams, edge defender (3.0+ gpa)
niles davis, athlete (3.71 gpa)
daniel mcmorris, offensive tackle (3.8 gpa)
kai meza, wide receiver (3.6 gpa)
tyree "reekus" sams, wide receiver (3.3 gpa)
kamo'i huihui-white, offensive lineman (3.9 gpa)
nainoa lopes, quarterback (3.57 gpa)
kingston "lucky" schirmer, defensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
esaiah wong, offensive lineman (3.0+ gpa)
frank fauna jr, defensive lineman (4.0 gpa)
emmanuel "ej" morgan, wide receiver/kick returner (4.3 gpa)
taimane purcell, tight end (3.9 gpa)
nemyah telona, defensive lineman (3.0+ gpa)
victor santino, running back (3.0+ gpa)
elisha faamatuainu, offensive lineman (3.0+ gpa)
jaxon pyatt, linebacker (3.4 gpa)
jonathan mckinley, linebacker (4.83 gpa)
2025 class (all former walk ons are now on schollys, CONGRATS!!):
aaron hampton, inside linebacker (3.4 gpa)
jordan king, wide receiver (4.38 gpa)
alonzo esparza, quarterback (4.0 gpa)
belay brummell, quarterback (3.95 gpa)
carson perry-smith, wide receiver (4.1 gpa)
jayden parker, running back (4.16 gpa)
isaac torres, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
mayze bryant, defensive back (3.5 gpa)
jordan franke, longsnapper (3.81 gpa)
dean taylor-chapman, running back (4.0 gpa)
tobey weydemuller, defensive back (3.92 gpa)
jude mclellan, outside linebacker (3.9 gpa)
nate escalada, defensive back (4.23 gpa)
michael cooley, outside linebacker (3.0 gpa)
ewan arechaederra, longsnapper (3.6 gpa)
lucas vanderlind, inside linebacker (4.2 gpa)
bj jones, inside linebacker (3.55 gpa)
sam bjerke, offensive lineman (3.9 gpa)
cole bosica, wide receiver (4.1 gpa)
myles reber, wide receiver (3.75 gpa)
jeffrey johnson, tight end (3.7 gpa)
jack olyphant, tight end (3.72 gpa)
rj stephens, defensive lineman (3.77 gpa)
dru polidore jr, safety (3.75 gpa)
michael kern, punter (3.4 gpa)
landon morris, tight end (3.7 gpa)
jayden dixon-veal, wide receiver (2.9 gpa)
lj johnson, running back (3.7 gpa)
abram murray, kicker (4.0 gpa)
brent "paco" austin, corner/nickel (3.3 gpa)
jordan sanford, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
harrison taggart, linebacker (3.9 gpa)
chase meyer, kicker (4.3 gpa)
mark hamper, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
zae smith, defensive tackle (3.37 gpa)
daveion harley, offensive lineman (3.36 gpa)
kendrick raphael, running back (3.8 gpa)
quimari shemwell, corner/nickel back (3.0+ gpa)
brandon high jr, running back (3.3 gpa)
rino monteforte, longsnapper (4.0 gpa)
tj bush, edge defender (3.3 gpa)
quaron adams, wide receiver (3.0 gpa)
chris victor, edge defender (3.3 gpa)
jojo genova, offensive lineman (3.5 gpa)
erik peters, kicker (3.9 gpa)
devin brown, quarterback (4.4 gpa)
dazmin james, wide receiver (2.6 gpa)
justin hasenhuetl, interior offensive lineman (3.75 gpa)
jacob de jesus, wide receiver/kick returner (3.67 gpa)
caleb johnston, longsnapper (3.5 gpa)
simon mapa, tight end (3.47 gpa)
mason mini, tight end (3.8 gpa)
john gayer, edge defender (2.8 gpa)
jordon moko, offensive line (3.8 gpa)
jayden wayne, edge defender (4.0 gpa)
brook honoree jr, punter (3.8 gpa)
dominic ingrassia, quarterback (3.2 gpa)
jaron keawe sagapolutele, quarterback (3.75 gpa)
buom jock, inside linebacker (3.1 gpa)
leon bell, offensive tackle (3.1 gpa)
tristan dunn, safety (3.0 gpa)
lamar robinson, offensive guard (3.5 gpa)
tyson ruffins, interior offensive lineman (3.8 gpa)
lajuan owens, left tackle (3.2 gpa)
hezekiah masses, corner/nickel (2.7 gpa)
kyle cunanan, kicker (3.73 gpa)
tyson ford, defensive lineman (3.4 gpa)
odera okaka, edge defender (3.3 gpa)
john tofi jr, edge defender (3.8 gpa)
aiden manutai, safety (4.0 gpa)
tre' harrison, safety (4.83 gpa)
mike klisiewicz, offensive lineman (3.7 gpa)
jacob houseworth, tight end (3.15 gpa)
jae'on young, corner/nickel back (3.4 gpa)
lebron williams, defensive end (3.2 gpa)
beckham barney, inside linebacker (4.2 gpa)
anthony league, running back (3.9 gpa)
ikechukwu okafor, edge defender (3.7 gpa)
ben howard, offensive guard (3.2 gpa)
meyer swinney, hybrid wide receiver/tight end (3.75 gpa)
kaden cook, cornerback (3.4 gpa)
2024 class:
will mcdonald, left guard (3.5 gpa)
checkhsaliou fall, edge defender (3.3 gpa)
cj harris, quarterback (3.5 gpa)
serigne tounkara, edge defender (3.88 gpa)
kyion graves, wide receiver (3.3 gpa)
ryan yaites, safety (3.2 gpa)
jasiah wagoner, corner/nickel back (3.25 gpa)
tj bollers, edge defender (4.0 gpa)
corey dyches, hybrid tight end/wide receiver (3.1 gpa)
braden miller, offensive tackle (4.0 gpa)
liam johnson, inside linebacker (3.36 gpa at princeton)
khamani hudson, cornerback (3.5 gpa)
bobby engstler, punter/kicker (3.72 gpa)
jonathan "gameday" brady, wide receiver (3.2 gpa)
mikey miller, wide receiver (3.8 gpa)
victor stoffel, offensive tackle (motivated student in sweden)
kadarius calloway, running back (2.7 gpa)
ryan coe, kicker (3.5 gpa)
tobias merriweather, wide receiver (3.6 gpa)
ja'ir smith, defensive back (3.0+ gpa)
syris corley, offensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
rush reimer, offensive lineman (3.3 gpa)
marcus harris, defensive back (3.2 gpa)
aidan ikaika keanaaina, defensive tackle (4.0 gpa)
aiden newbill, offensive line (3.72 gpa)
isaiah crosby, safety (3.0+ gpa)
luke ferrelli, inside linebacker (4.0 gpa)
chandler rogers, quarterback (3.3 gpa)
teddye buchanan, inside linebacker (3.5 gpa)
josiah martin, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
jack endries, tight end (3.83 gpa)
trond grizzell, wide receiver (3.8 gpa)
bj canady, defensive tackle (3.91 gpa)
legend journey, apex predator edge defender (3.3 gpa)
ej caminong, quarterback (3.5 gpa)
dayton "dayday" aupiu, defensive back (3.51 gpa)
jamaal wiley, running back (2.75 gpa)
trevor rogers, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
michael-anthony okwura, defensive lineman (3.4 gpa)
eze osondu, inside linebacker (3.5 gpa)
brookyln cheek, defensive back (2.9 gpa)
camden jones, tight end (2.7 gpa)
tyler knape, offensive line (3.8 gpa)
2023 class:
barrett miller, offensive lineman (4.2 hs gpa & stanford mechancial engineering degree)
taj davis, wide receiver (3.2 gpa)
king doerue, running back (3.5 gpa)
isaiah ifanse, running back (3.2 gpa at montana state)
marcus scott ii, cornerback (3.3 gpa at missouri)
tidiane "frenchy" jalloh (motivated student from france)
matthew wykoff, offensive tackle (3.75 gpa)
marquez "mojo" dortch, wide receiver (2.9 gpa)
ben finley, quarterback (4.308 gpa)
patrick mcmorris, safety (3.65 gpa)
david bird, longsnapper (4.0 gpa)
marquis montgomery, wide receiver (3.4 gpa)
martin tine, offensive tackle (2.9 gpa)
stanley mckenzie, nose tackle (3.3 gpa)
david reese, outside linebacker (3.7 gpa)
sam jackson v, quarterback (2.8 gpa)
brian hightower, wide receiver (3.2 gpa)
justin williams-thomas aka j-will, running back (4.0 gpa)
asher alberding, tight end (3.85 gpa)
jt byrne, tight end (3.75 gpa)
lachlan wilson, punter (strong student from australia)
byron caldwell, running back (3.3 gpa)
sergio allen, inside linebacker (3.4 gpa)
matt littlejohn, defensive back (3.0 gpa)
jaivian "the jet" thomas, running back (3.4 gpa)
nohl williams, defensive back (3.61 gpa)
kaylin moore, defensive back (3.4 gpa)
frederick williams iii, offensive line (3.6 gpa)
zurich ashford, defensive end (3.62 gpa)
ben marshall, tight end (3.4 gpa)
ryan mcculloch, outside linebacker (4.1 gpa)
tiumalu afalava, defensive line (4.1 gpa)
cade uluave, inside linebacker (3.85 gpa)
sailasa vadrawale, defensive back (3.46 gpa)
nyziah hunter, wide receiver (2.7 gpa)
nick morrow, offensive tackle (3.7 gpa)
michael luckhurst, kicker (4.37 gpa)
wow, that was quite the introduction, doechii, we're gonna have to talk after class...don't forget to take the chicken out
https://instagr.am/p/DAb8NtkBYtv
2026 miss north carolina tournament: 3rd round update
https://instagr.am/p/DLf5EO2Ps5b
^ this will be the shockster's reaction if the bears successfully kick a field goal over 35 yards in the uc championship game on saturday september 5, 2026 (after longwell, wilcox & cherrington reneged on a promised scholly offer to my guy mateen bhaghani & refused to find a solution after the monster got involved at mateen's parents request)!!
michael kim (72, tied for 44th): a 2nd straight day bogey 6 on the very scoreable par 5 7th hole no es bueno, michael needs to unleash a powerful draw into this kinda crowned fairway manana on this hole, got it??...another terrific performance rolling the rock with 112 feet in made putts, mr chipotle is gonna be ready to take on the wildly sloping donald ross aronomink greens next week at the 2026 pga championship with his brahs max & collin!!
max homa (72, tied for 57th): homa is playing better than his scoring (made 91 feet in putts & hit 9 outta 14 fairways) but a back fringe shot slightly off the green got smoked 30 yards down the fairway en route to a double bogey 6 on the par 4 12th hole...greats news is that our cali bear looked like a beauty queen with the clean lines red shirt & white pants/hat fashionista combo, CONGRATS!!
LIV exhibition league update: go range goats!!
^ top foto is photoshopped, the steep embankment down the 1st hole is 10 times more vertical (nobody is watching this bull****, right sampson zheng??)
https://instagr.am/p/DLf5EO2Ps5b
^ this will be the shockster's reaction if the bears successfully kick a field goal over 35 yards in the uc championship game on saturday september 5, 2026 (after longwell, wilcox & cherrington reneged on a promised scholly offer to my guy mateen bhaghani & refused to find a solution after the monster got involved at mateen's parents request)!!
michael kim (72, tied for 44th): a 2nd straight day bogey 6 on the very scoreable par 5 7th hole no es bueno, michael needs to unleash a powerful draw into this kinda crowned fairway manana on this hole, got it??...another terrific performance rolling the rock with 112 feet in made putts, mr chipotle is gonna be ready to take on the wildly sloping donald ross aronomink greens next week at the 2026 pga championship with his brahs max & collin!!
max homa (72, tied for 57th): homa is playing better than his scoring (made 91 feet in putts & hit 9 outta 14 fairways) but a back fringe shot slightly off the green got smoked 30 yards down the fairway en route to a double bogey 6 on the par 4 12th hole...greats news is that our cali bear looked like a beauty queen with the clean lines red shirt & white pants/hat fashionista combo, CONGRATS!!
LIV exhibition league update: go range goats!!
Because this picture is from the actual event. pic.twitter.com/fvdgdnZvKG
— TheRealJoeP (@jp6125) May 9, 2026
^ top foto is photoshopped, the steep embankment down the 1st hole is 10 times more vertical (nobody is watching this bull****, right sampson zheng??)
2027 high school recruiting update:
the staff is targeting fast ascending 6'45" 215 lbs with 4.55 laser SPEED tight end jamie spurgeon from minarets high school (previously attended clovis east high school)...jamie wuz a lightly recruited quarterback until he made the position switch to a nightmare matchup te1...and most importantly he got good hair (unlike the bears head coach)!!
spurgeon is +1 athletic & can also go yard on the baseball diamond (and also clocked with a 92 mph fastball)!!
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and a 3 hour drive for the fam on fall gamedays from oneals to memorial stadium)
A few clips from @Rivals San Francisco pic.twitter.com/7VZPrmvOcZ
— Jamie Spurgeon (@JamieSpurgeon_) April 21, 2026
the staff is targeting fast ascending 6'45" 215 lbs with 4.55 laser SPEED tight end jamie spurgeon from minarets high school (previously attended clovis east high school)...jamie wuz a lightly recruited quarterback until he made the position switch to a nightmare matchup te1...and most importantly he got good hair (unlike the bears head coach)!!
Ran a 4.55 with my speed coach today @9timebaseball @ClovisEastFB pic.twitter.com/lv9YLdspy0
— Jamie Spurgeon (@JamieSpurgeon_) July 21, 2025
spurgeon is +1 athletic & can also go yard on the baseball diamond (and also clocked with a 92 mph fastball)!!
Big win today against a tough Sierra team! Got into one for my 3rd homerun of the season! pic.twitter.com/CI1tJ1v3T9
— Jamie Spurgeon (@JamieSpurgeon_) April 10, 2026
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and a 3 hour drive for the fam on fall gamedays from oneals to memorial stadium)
Get Tosh on FaceTime with Masayoshi asap https://t.co/3ZEEuN5xKL pic.twitter.com/DMiSrNVKoV
— Not Ryan Cobb (@hairtest420) January 21, 2026
real talk: berkeley grad masayoshi son (korean/japanese descent, hopa/hopa, plays 100+ rounds of golf a year) never attended football/basketball games in high school & during his time in college, he will NEVER donate to any of the cal revenue sports
the current worthless bureaucratic ****tards running/destroying the cal athletic department (all of which are remarkably NOT berkeley grads) ongoing decision to not offer FREE tickets to all football/basketball games to ALL students (which is discriminatory against international & poor as **** students like my moms back in the day who don't got parent(s) that will buy the $125 student pass for them) is ensuring that the next generation of masayoshis (whose real estate holdings include a $100,000,000+ enclave in woodside for when he visits the bay area) will NEVER become bears fans!!
https://calbears.com/staff-directory
^ delanley heller during the general knowlton era refused to fulfill my public information requests & only did so when threatened with legal action which revealed covert loans from the central campus...yet jay & jenny have promoted her to senior director of athletic administration & department operations
yeah there's gonna be 40,000+ EMPTY seats at memorial stadium for the september 19th game vs wagner and haas pavilion is gonna be a ghost town again with bottom of the acc attendance metrics (duke/north carolina are not on next season's schedule to pad the abysmal #s)
berkeley grad andrew mcgraw for athletic director
FAFO (why do so many wealthy grads of the #1 public university on planet earth currently refuse to donate to berkeley??)#
2026 miss north carolina tournament: 4th round update
https://instagr.am/p/DYIEEkDxFNJ
michael kim (71, tied for 49th): missed the fairway of the par 5 7th hole for the 4th day in a row but that's ok, michael made the 6th highest # of feet made rolling the rock during the tourny & is ready to tackle aronomink next week with his brahs max & collin in the 2026 pga championship!!
max homa (70, tied for 53rd): missed his first 4 fairways by an aggregated 2 football fields but kept his **** together & competed like a tommy lasorda coached up kirk gibson (and not like an entitled bratty spoiled 12 year old rich girl from encino)!!
fun fact: max's favorite course is the same as mine, the national golf links of america!!
LIV exhibition league update: go crushers!!
https://instagr.am/p/DYKjo7qogaA
^ love u moms!!
life is NOT linear (our time on planet earth is finite)#
https://instagr.am/p/DYIEEkDxFNJ
michael kim (71, tied for 49th): missed the fairway of the par 5 7th hole for the 4th day in a row but that's ok, michael made the 6th highest # of feet made rolling the rock during the tourny & is ready to tackle aronomink next week with his brahs max & collin in the 2026 pga championship!!
max homa (70, tied for 53rd): missed his first 4 fairways by an aggregated 2 football fields but kept his **** together & competed like a tommy lasorda coached up kirk gibson (and not like an entitled bratty spoiled 12 year old rich girl from encino)!!
fun fact: max's favorite course is the same as mine, the national golf links of america!!
LIV exhibition league update: go crushers!!
— Don (@realdonlowry) May 9, 2026
https://instagr.am/p/DYKjo7qogaA
本当に生きててこんなレベルの不協和音は初めて聞いた pic.twitter.com/A3gvNfmsAw
— 忘れられない動画 (@tanatana5252) May 3, 2026
^ love u moms!!
life is NOT linear (our time on planet earth is finite)#
In addition to Softbank's Son, Jack Ma of Ali Baba fame and wealth sent his oldest son to Berkeley, seems he graduated about a decade ago. According to some reports online Jack Ma also audited some history classes at Cal. Totally agree the sports pass should be a no-brainer freebie for all undergrad students.
Am I walking into a Cal basketball game or my hotel room pic.twitter.com/RT8xVllY0Q
— GFed (@GfedGoCrazy) November 19, 2025
glenn, the hoops programs are MARKETED about as successfully as late nite infocomericals for car wax as evidenced by the abysmal attendance metrics the last decade (tho it don't help matters that nobody can name a single men's basketball player as part of the now annual purge of the roster without berkeley degrees)
yeah everybody is kinda fiery these days, max homa has indicated he's not gonna take any more unsolicited advice from the monster re: his conduct on the golf course!!
PAC SHOOTING STAR PRESS THROUGH THE TABLE... AND DARBY MOVES AWAY.
— Drainmaker (@TheDrainmaker) May 10, 2026
pic.twitter.com/2XmjVTCOHh
ouch (shocky is gonna be a syt19 at modern yoga after this ****/getting released from the mayo clinic), now might be a good time to chill the **** out or something
Shocky1 said:
fun fact: current new jersey nets scout (and a guest of mine on a fall football gameday) sir richard midgley's cbyf1 wife is a haas biz ad grad!!
new championship collegiate basketball biz model: arizona head coach tommy lloyd will now contractually report directly to the school president re: nil, his compensation & staff/operational budgets and NOT the athletic director (but tuscon is still a ******* dump)
runs in the family (gpas don't matter): jordyn tyson (#8 pick by the new orleans saints) wuz flunking outta asu when he declared for the nfl draft just like his older bro jaylon (#20 pick by the cleveland cavaliers) wuz flunking outta cal when he declared for the nba draft, reading books & **** is for losers!!
https://instagr.am/p/DXpd66aiQlo
100% out kicking the coverage#
Cal men’s basketball is hiring alum Richard Midgley as general manager, @BearInsider has learned.
— Joaquin Ruiz (@WalkingRuiz) May 11, 2026
Midgley most recently has served as a scout with the Brooklyn Nets. https://t.co/MhBuqcz27N
CONGRATS to my friend sir richard midgley!!
cal's monster class reader content survey: what do you want to see more of in the future??
1) bears football coaching staff favorite songs & ****
https://instagr.am/p/DYNeO0UAUH6
2) expert golf tutorial information
3) how to get FREE tixs at music/sporting events (that does NOT involve a high gpa & earning a berkeley, stanford or ivy league degree)
https://instagr.am/p/CbqvEPNtWU9
4) yoga/meditation recommendations (plus gut health advice on how to poop like a race horse)
5) personal finances wealth building strategies (plz note the shockster is NOT a certified financial planner)
https://instagr.am/p/DToqz6PkWwy
6) just stfu shocky!!
1) bears football coaching staff favorite songs & ****
https://instagr.am/p/DYNeO0UAUH6
2) expert golf tutorial information
The moment everything #changed for @PeterMalnati. Congrats on the win! pic.twitter.com/uWig1zy2Uo
— Club Pro Guy (@ClubProGuy) March 24, 2024
3) how to get FREE tixs at music/sporting events (that does NOT involve a high gpa & earning a berkeley, stanford or ivy league degree)
https://instagr.am/p/CbqvEPNtWU9
4) yoga/meditation recommendations (plus gut health advice on how to poop like a race horse)
5) personal finances wealth building strategies (plz note the shockster is NOT a certified financial planner)
https://instagr.am/p/DToqz6PkWwy
6) just stfu shocky!!
https://instagr.am/p/DYOUD3qMt-i
real talk: my alma mater & stanford play the most world top 100 golf courses of any collegiate program on planet earth, the cal club is a classic gem with its ethereal beauty & FUN shotmaking options
this week max, collin & michael are gonna represent my alma mater at the 2026 pga championship which is being hosted at one of the game's largest stages at a cathedral of golf just further afar from the wawa down the turnkpike as she alligator cries
yeah **** balenciaga (including the monster's upside down kicks in the north end zone tunnel in the above foto)
this is cal golf (right z & callixte??)#
real talk: my alma mater & stanford play the most world top 100 golf courses of any collegiate program on planet earth, the cal club is a classic gem with its ethereal beauty & FUN shotmaking options
this week max, collin & michael are gonna represent my alma mater at the 2026 pga championship which is being hosted at one of the game's largest stages at a cathedral of golf just further afar from the wawa down the turnkpike as she alligator cries
yeah **** balenciaga (including the monster's upside down kicks in the north end zone tunnel in the above foto)
this is cal golf (right z & callixte??)#
Shocky1 said:
https://instagr.am/p/DYOUD3qMt-i
real talk: my alma mater & stanford play the most world top 100 golf courses of any collegiate program on planet earth, the cal club is a classic gem with its ethereal beauty & FUN shotmaking options
this week max, collin & michael are gonna represent my alma mater at the 2026 pga championship which is being hosted at one of the game's largest stages at a cathedral of golf just further afar from the wawa down the turnkpike as she alligator cries
yeah **** balenciaga (including the monster's upside down kicks in the north end zone tunnel in the above foto)
and let's be real here, grifter simon holt is 100% full of bull$***!!
this is cal golf (right z & callixte??)#
Happy to hear Collin will be there as I didn't hear any word of Kat giving birth yet. Really hoping one of my bears brings the Wannamaker home!
Shocky1 said:
2027 high school quarterback recruiting update:@CalFootball @Elite11 pic.twitter.com/N5fPrxkg7A
— Dane Weber (@DaneWeber08) May 1, 2026
CONGRATS to dane on the elite 11 invitation & opportunity to compete with the top high school quarterbacks in the united states of america (including ibiza)!!I know that guy @DaneWeber08 https://t.co/MOQz8M1lD0
— Coach Ramer (@Coach_Ramer) April 30, 2026
weber has been the qb1 on the rolo & jordan big board for a while which wuz a factor in the very talented sione tu'amoheloa-kaho committing to stanford as wuz the fact his uncle is the stanford head coach tavita pritchard
yeah the bears staff is ALL IN with 3.8 gpa (any cal recruiting update that does not include a gpa is worthless as ****) dane weber!!2026 Elite 11 Oakland
— Just Chilly (@JUSTCHILLY) April 26, 2026
Chaparral (CA) QB Dane Weber you could tell he was enjoying the competition he had great aura.. He was accurate all day, showcased his ability to change velocity, and earned a trip to the Elite 11 Finals!!
Congrats Dane!! pic.twitter.com/uADJ5slhw9
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (ucla is a solid choice for those denied admission to berkeley, stanford & the ivy league)
^ fun fact: the university of cincinnati does a great job of preparing its low gpa ballers for becoming nite shift supervisors at a midwest white castle serving stoners & then cleaning the restrooms at 1:30 am for 20 bucks an hour at age 30, go bearkats!!
NEWS: Four-Star QB Dane Weber is down to Cal, Cincinnati, and UCLA, he tells me for @Rivals
— Hayes Fawcett (@Hayesfawcett3) May 12, 2026
The 6’2 215 QB is ranked as the No. 1 QB in California (per Rivals)⁰⁰Where Should He Go?⁰⁰https://t.co/4tcSPeVB0u pic.twitter.com/6GrsK5QJjV
cal's monster class prediction: dane will select the ELITE academic school with the head coach he trusts the most & that moms (a nutritionist) knows will make sure he gets healthy nutrition (no ******* frosted strawberry cheesecake pop tarts for breakfast)!!
https://instagr.am/p/DYFdR5TPIYs
^ fun fact: the final scene of the epic casablanca wuz actually filmed indoors at stage 21 at warner brothers burbank studio (just down the street from the monster's beloved erewhon) with a 2 dimensional cardboard airplane in the distance!!
yeah shocky luvs the classic movies but it's always interesting how excessive drinking (basically alcoholism) & smoking is basically glorified in these romances...if the monster wuz to rewrite casablanca's script it would include a much healthier lifestyle for the 2 lovebirds, got it??
early morning: hike up the mountain/walk along the beach holding hands with them rescue doggy dogs followed by 3 over easy eggs with guac over lightly toasted sourdough bread & fresh raspberry jam and 32 oz green juices to facilitate excellent gut health & pooping like race horses!!
mid morning: brisk 2 hour 18 holes walking round together (with the golf bag emptied as much possible to lighten the load for the cbyf1 while carrying the bag as a +1 athletic caddie)!!
lunch by the pool (clothing optional, movie might be rerated as r for romantic!!): apple slices with peanut butter & a ham/turkey sandwich lightly sprinkled with oregano with ice cold perriers
afternoon: naked azz yoga & a nap (or vice versa, a "reverse date")!!
early evening: shopping at the mall or reading books & ****
9:45 pm: late nite dining on the patio at nobu dressed to the nines (when sixs or sevens would do)
1:03 am: last call in the polo lounge at the beverly hills hotel, ask jimmy the piano player if he can play singin' in the shower to which he snuffs out his cigarette and delivers the immortal line "don't be a dumb azz, shocky" before belting out the classic banger while the lovebirds slow dance cheek to cheek in the empty bar
cut to black, wut time are the afterparties for the 2027 oscar's??
yeah throwing away a berkeley degree is pretty ******* dumb (it's ur winning lobster tix to life after all the tourists have gone)
https://instagr.am/p/BFSAbu4LRPA
Excessive drinking AND cigarette smoking too! I believe it was lung cancer that claimed Bogart at an early age.
If you enjoy the classic movies, you might like this yt video that popped up in my feed yesterday. See how many faces you recognize from the '49 event. I think this is the first time for me to see LB Mayer actually speaking.
MGM Stars Gather in '49 and '74
If you enjoy the classic movies, you might like this yt video that popped up in my feed yesterday. See how many faces you recognize from the '49 event. I think this is the first time for me to see LB Mayer actually speaking.
MGM Stars Gather in '49 and '74
2027 high school quarterback recruiting update:
the university of california, berkeley=a NFL qb1 development school with ELITE academics (right dane??)
All Glory to God!! Thankful to have received an offer from UCLA #4sup @DRR_Recruiting @adamgorney @samspiegs @MikeRoach247 @CoachReynolds23 @Tolleson20 @CoachBobChesney pic.twitter.com/XyQ5oWsero
— Colton Nussmeier (@coltonnussmeier) May 13, 2026
the university of california, berkeley=a NFL qb1 development school with ELITE academics (right dane??)
https://instagr.am/p/DYQyEB0Mm4_
wut up charlie??
as a fellow haas biz ad guy (following in a longtime berkeley legacy including collin morikawa & chancellor lyons) that's awesome ur keeping track of ur favorite courses and yeah the cal club in south san francisco is a special gem!!
as someone who has played the last 17 world top 100 lists the shockster would encourage u to become a student of golf architecture too (building relationships with architects is FUN) & only consider what goes on between the 1st tee box and the 18th green (everything else is 100% irrelevant)
https://top100golf.blogspot.com/2006/01/people-who-have-played-top-100-golf.html
^ schulzy draining a right to left 25 footer on the par 5 island 18th green on a windswept day at the architecturally mediocre nine bridges on jeju island in south korea (will be very curious to see if it remains in the wt100 in the next biennial rankings because the 5th grade math does not support its inclusion any more than three jack national)
charlie, ur gonna be a ceo someday on wall street & the club champ at winged foot before ur 35 years old but do urself & ur bears teammates a solid and start tracking ur daily protein grams (u seriously need another 10-15 lbs of muscle) before ur final season of eligibility brah!!
https://instagr.am/p/CuxKIOEIazx
the adventure (starts in berkeley...and maybe modern yoga too)#
wut up charlie??
as a fellow haas biz ad guy (following in a longtime berkeley legacy including collin morikawa & chancellor lyons) that's awesome ur keeping track of ur favorite courses and yeah the cal club in south san francisco is a special gem!!
as someone who has played the last 17 world top 100 lists the shockster would encourage u to become a student of golf architecture too (building relationships with architects is FUN) & only consider what goes on between the 1st tee box and the 18th green (everything else is 100% irrelevant)
https://top100golf.blogspot.com/2006/01/people-who-have-played-top-100-golf.html
^ schulzy draining a right to left 25 footer on the par 5 island 18th green on a windswept day at the architecturally mediocre nine bridges on jeju island in south korea (will be very curious to see if it remains in the wt100 in the next biennial rankings because the 5th grade math does not support its inclusion any more than three jack national)
charlie, ur gonna be a ceo someday on wall street & the club champ at winged foot before ur 35 years old but do urself & ur bears teammates a solid and start tracking ur daily protein grams (u seriously need another 10-15 lbs of muscle) before ur final season of eligibility brah!!
https://instagr.am/p/CuxKIOEIazx
the adventure (starts in berkeley...and maybe modern yoga too)#
2026 ncca men's golf regionals: update
https://instagr.am/p/C90fBAYPtsw
coach wilson has confirmed to the monster that he's reached out to several cal golf pros re: course insights/strategies plus he's personally familiar with next week's host venue the scarlet course at ohio state
https://instagr.am/p/CS36zEEDxKS
michael will need to keep a close eye on his team, the last thing anybody wants is a case of mistaken identity & collin morikawo teeing it up instead of z or something...fortunately leidy's driver swing is pretty easy to spot on the driving range (plus she usually wears hotel monte carlo gear as part of her ambassador duties), it's always important to check the tee sheet
2026 pga championship: update
fun fact: cam does NOT throw golf clubs like his dad!!
^ chipotle must have been closed or something (plus all the food in player dining is FREE)
go bears, let's ******* do this!!
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (wut's ur gpa brah??)
https://instagr.am/p/C90fBAYPtsw
coach wilson has confirmed to the monster that he's reached out to several cal golf pros re: course insights/strategies plus he's personally familiar with next week's host venue the scarlet course at ohio state
https://instagr.am/p/CS36zEEDxKS
michael will need to keep a close eye on his team, the last thing anybody wants is a case of mistaken identity & collin morikawo teeing it up instead of z or something...fortunately leidy's driver swing is pretty easy to spot on the driving range (plus she usually wears hotel monte carlo gear as part of her ambassador duties), it's always important to check the tee sheet
2026 pga championship: update
Can Homa (and Max) at the PGA Championship. pic.twitter.com/u56TYqdQNE
— GOLF.com (@GOLF_com) May 12, 2026
fun fact: cam does NOT throw golf clubs like his dad!!
Tried the Philly cheesesteak at the golf course. Solid… but it’s meat, cheese, onions and jalapeños on a hoagie roll. 7/10 pic.twitter.com/M0XXKlJXfF
— Michael S. Kim (@Mike_kim714) May 12, 2026
^ chipotle must have been closed or something (plus all the food in player dining is FREE)
go bears, let's ******* do this!!
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (wut's ur gpa brah??)
https://instagr.am/p/DYP6E9ghOli
fun fact: after meeting dumb & dumber it's clear the KEY to this egg trick is the rite outfit (and even that is not gonna stop the nuclear option)!!
https://instagr.am/p/DM7Psl3Nh_O
KAAABBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
fun fact: after meeting dumb & dumber it's clear the KEY to this egg trick is the rite outfit (and even that is not gonna stop the nuclear option)!!
https://instagr.am/p/DM7Psl3Nh_O
KAAABBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2026 philly down the turnpike past the wawa tournament: 1st round update
https://instagr.am/p/DRzvK8jjrxG
^ cal's monster class OFFICIAL gas station food rankings:
1) buc-ee's (and it's not even close brah)
2) wawa (particularly if ur with a cbyf1 that throws her t-shirt out the window while she alligator cries!!)
3) maverik (not to be confused with the stanford golfer that got denied admission to berkeley)
4) hy-vee (semi healthy salad bars & chinese food)
5) the 7/11 in richmond (just make sure ur packing, rite marshawn??)
6) dumpster diving behind any love's (look it's FREE, burp)
collin morikawa (69, tied for 15th): our haas biz ad grad (no long island community college ged bull**** edukation) hit 14 of 18 greens in regulation with total control of the ball with flighted/shaped shots thru windows!!...also excellent pacing on longer putts plus wisely brought in trusted caddie mark urbanek for multiple reads having never (unlike the monster) having played aronomink before...in great position with an early morning tee time on fresh greens before the afternoon wave with baked out greens with the incoming heat wave
michael kim (73, tied for 93th): michael kinda got the **** kicked outta him by rocky balboa with 3 consecutive bogeys on the 15th thru the 17th holes but that's just ******* golf sometimes...anyways our cali bear gotta keep doing wut he's doing (10 outta 14 fairways, 13 outta 18 greens & 94 feet in made putts) to make it to the weekend & get back in contention!!
max homa (75, tied for 120th): playing the demanding par 3s in 4 over par & not scoring on the 2 par 5s no es bueno...but max is hitting a lotta solid shots (10 outta 14 fairways), the putts (only 43 feet in made putts today) are gonna start dropping manana...and thx u to lacey homa for not letting her fashion challenged husband outta the house wearing stripes & ****, solid bold colored lulu lemon fitted shirts with FUN personalized kicks are the winning look for homa nation (rite cam??)!!
^ FREE dr shock medical advice: fast love is kinda fast food, that **** will eventually kill u & u will die a slow painful death from untreatable stds!!
why the **** does every bears golfer (with the exceptions of z & his brah shocky) on planet earth play/walk 18 holes in 5+ hours??#
https://instagr.am/p/DRzvK8jjrxG
^ cal's monster class OFFICIAL gas station food rankings:
1) buc-ee's (and it's not even close brah)
2) wawa (particularly if ur with a cbyf1 that throws her t-shirt out the window while she alligator cries!!)
3) maverik (not to be confused with the stanford golfer that got denied admission to berkeley)
4) hy-vee (semi healthy salad bars & chinese food)
5) the 7/11 in richmond (just make sure ur packing, rite marshawn??)
6) dumpster diving behind any love's (look it's FREE, burp)
collin morikawa (69, tied for 15th): our haas biz ad grad (no long island community college ged bull**** edukation) hit 14 of 18 greens in regulation with total control of the ball with flighted/shaped shots thru windows!!...also excellent pacing on longer putts plus wisely brought in trusted caddie mark urbanek for multiple reads having never (unlike the monster) having played aronomink before...in great position with an early morning tee time on fresh greens before the afternoon wave with baked out greens with the incoming heat wave
michael kim (73, tied for 93th): michael kinda got the **** kicked outta him by rocky balboa with 3 consecutive bogeys on the 15th thru the 17th holes but that's just ******* golf sometimes...anyways our cali bear gotta keep doing wut he's doing (10 outta 14 fairways, 13 outta 18 greens & 94 feet in made putts) to make it to the weekend & get back in contention!!
max homa (75, tied for 120th): playing the demanding par 3s in 4 over par & not scoring on the 2 par 5s no es bueno...but max is hitting a lotta solid shots (10 outta 14 fairways), the putts (only 43 feet in made putts today) are gonna start dropping manana...and thx u to lacey homa for not letting her fashion challenged husband outta the house wearing stripes & ****, solid bold colored lulu lemon fitted shirts with FUN personalized kicks are the winning look for homa nation (rite cam??)!!
^ FREE dr shock medical advice: fast love is kinda fast food, that **** will eventually kill u & u will die a slow painful death from untreatable stds!!
why the **** does every bears golfer (with the exceptions of z & his brah shocky) on planet earth play/walk 18 holes in 5+ hours??#
2027 high school recruiting update:
wut up, duvay, r u tracking ur daily protein grams in order to be another TAKER that gets PAID in the national football league??
yeah mi latina favorita (along with doms & leidy) becky g grew up in inglewood like u & gives me FREE all access backstage passes to coachella!!...wut the **** r u gonna give me bro??
https://instagr.am/p/CFVZtMEJz6g
do u gotta a cbyf1 girlfriend, duvay??...real talk, it's true berkeley, stanford & ivy league grads are well positioned to earn generational wealth in today's fiercely competitive global economy that rejects low gpa full of **** dumb azzs
just ask rebecca marie gomez, got it??
https://instagr.am/p/BK1PpkdD858
universite de berkeley=numero uno escuela en todo el mundo
DuvayD UP 🔐 @HBHSFootball @InglewoodFBall @MJ_Five @Hatch89 @1FletchMoBB@BlairAngulo pic.twitter.com/vxwQb3iArH
— Duvay Williams (@DuvayAllday) May 14, 2026
wut up, duvay, r u tracking ur daily protein grams in order to be another TAKER that gets PAID in the national football league??
we just gotta keep reloading..
— For the Bay (@GoBearrs) May 7, 2026
☑️ @Mdot_5
☑️ @DuvayAllday
..who's next?? pic.twitter.com/Wgk96A5Sp4
yeah mi latina favorita (along with doms & leidy) becky g grew up in inglewood like u & gives me FREE all access backstage passes to coachella!!...wut the **** r u gonna give me bro??
https://instagr.am/p/CFVZtMEJz6g
do u gotta a cbyf1 girlfriend, duvay??...real talk, it's true berkeley, stanford & ivy league grads are well positioned to earn generational wealth in today's fiercely competitive global economy that rejects low gpa full of **** dumb azzs
just ask rebecca marie gomez, got it??
https://instagr.am/p/BK1PpkdD858
universite de berkeley=numero uno escuela en todo el mundo
2026 cal's MONSTER offensive line recruiting update:
https://instagr.am/p/DYTY1SHh5nk
the staff is prioritizing towering +1 athletic with SPEED (soccer standout) 6'6" 280 lbs offensive tackle tye kennedy from mountain view high school in the east valley (mesa)...kennedy got an actionable offer (any cal recruiting update that don't got a gpa and differentiate between actionable & conditional offers is worthless) & is gonna officially trip to berkeley during the 1st recruiting weekend of may 28-30th along with his dad lincoln (11 year nfl veteran/current las vegas raiders broadcaster)
ty, you've indicated your top priority is ACADEMICS, michigan got good school colors but is not even anywhere near the same zip code as berkeley, stanford & the ivy league, got it??
ty is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 4.0 gpa!!
yeah the monster 100% endorses this KEY recruitment of a fellow zony that is mentally limitless (plus he got good hair)!!
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and a quick comfortable-unlike seattle, ann arbor & salt lake city-2 hour flight on southwest on fall morning gamedays to the bay area for the fam)
https://instagr.am/p/DYTY1SHh5nk
the staff is prioritizing towering +1 athletic with SPEED (soccer standout) 6'6" 280 lbs offensive tackle tye kennedy from mountain view high school in the east valley (mesa)...kennedy got an actionable offer (any cal recruiting update that don't got a gpa and differentiate between actionable & conditional offers is worthless) & is gonna officially trip to berkeley during the 1st recruiting weekend of may 28-30th along with his dad lincoln (11 year nfl veteran/current las vegas raiders broadcaster)
— Tye Kennedy 27’ (@CurlyTyee) April 19, 2026
ty, you've indicated your top priority is ACADEMICS, michigan got good school colors but is not even anywhere near the same zip code as berkeley, stanford & the ivy league, got it??
ty is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 4.0 gpa!!
yeah the monster 100% endorses this KEY recruitment of a fellow zony that is mentally limitless (plus he got good hair)!!
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and a quick comfortable-unlike seattle, ann arbor & salt lake city-2 hour flight on southwest on fall morning gamedays to the bay area for the fam)
Best Universities in the World, 2024:
— World of Statistics (@stats_feed) April 29, 2024
1.🇬🇧 Oxford
2.🇺🇸 Stanford
3.🇺🇸 MIT
4.🇺🇸 Harvard
5.🇬🇧 Cambridge
6.🇺🇸 Princeton
7.🇺🇸 California Institute of Technology
8.🇬🇧 Imperial College London
9.🇺🇸 Berkeley
10.🇺🇸 Yale
Times Higher Education
At Tap Haus.
— Matt H (@korealaska) May 4, 2024
Nothing to be said but Go fucking bears pic.twitter.com/hF3wXznOOk
2026 it's always sunny in philadelphia tournament: 2nd round update
https://instagr.am/p/DXM9fSljDmN
^ fun story re: current co leader stanford grad (engineering & science management major) maverick mcnealy (plays outta the summit club in las vegas along with morikawa): as part of his pga development work the monster wuz at the pga tourny in san antonio last month on a kinda dizzly thursday morning...max birdied his first 2 holes which got the shockster screaming "let's go max, let's do this, go bears!!" & other stoopid ****...anyways when homa's playing partner mcnealy makes a birdie shocky asks him on the way to the next tee "hey mav, is it true that you got wait listed at berkeley??"...to his credit mav & his brother/caddie scott both sorta laughed & fist bumped the monster
collin morikawa (72, tied for 30th): collin's lack of course knowledge due to not making advance site visits to the majors venues cost him a stroke on the 383 yard slight dogleg left par 4 13th hole...from the right 1st cut of rough morikawa & caddie mark urbanek discussed the yardages, 130 yards to the deep left pin position & agreed upon playing it 118 yards with tumble/rollout from the lack of fairway spin...collin chunked the shot & bogeyed the hole...the aronomink experienced player would've played the shot the full 130 yards and used the deep backboard behind the pin that leads to the next tee box which would've contained the shot leaving around a 10 foot birdie putt...great news is that collin can still win his 2nd pga championship & 3rd major this weekend in philly!!
michael kim (70, tied for 59th): kim played his final 6 holes in 4 under par including an unreal chip in EAGLE 3 on the uphill dogleg right par 5 9th hole to make the cut, let's ******* go michael!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...and yeah it's always good to recognize ur fans too brah!!
max homa (77, missed cut): max is taking next week off (michael kim & haas biz ad grad james hahn will be repping the cal bears in texas), life is not linear
the bear would not quit, the bear would not die (and monster will NOT just look the other way re: grifters, that's not how his berkeley grad tiger moms who grew up poor as **** in a small space above a laundary in san francisco raised him)#
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and with that ELITE degree comes a responsibility to protect the most vulnerable in society which in my case involves quantum level fundraising for them rescue doggy dogs in maricopa county, drinking high end vodka & blowing smoke from cigars at the servers at a pretentious cocktail party is just clouds of nothingness/wasted days)
https://instagr.am/p/DXM9fSljDmN
^ fun story re: current co leader stanford grad (engineering & science management major) maverick mcnealy (plays outta the summit club in las vegas along with morikawa): as part of his pga development work the monster wuz at the pga tourny in san antonio last month on a kinda dizzly thursday morning...max birdied his first 2 holes which got the shockster screaming "let's go max, let's do this, go bears!!" & other stoopid ****...anyways when homa's playing partner mcnealy makes a birdie shocky asks him on the way to the next tee "hey mav, is it true that you got wait listed at berkeley??"...to his credit mav & his brother/caddie scott both sorta laughed & fist bumped the monster
collin morikawa (72, tied for 30th): collin's lack of course knowledge due to not making advance site visits to the majors venues cost him a stroke on the 383 yard slight dogleg left par 4 13th hole...from the right 1st cut of rough morikawa & caddie mark urbanek discussed the yardages, 130 yards to the deep left pin position & agreed upon playing it 118 yards with tumble/rollout from the lack of fairway spin...collin chunked the shot & bogeyed the hole...the aronomink experienced player would've played the shot the full 130 yards and used the deep backboard behind the pin that leads to the next tee box which would've contained the shot leaving around a 10 foot birdie putt...great news is that collin can still win his 2nd pga championship & 3rd major this weekend in philly!!
michael kim (70, tied for 59th): kim played his final 6 holes in 4 under par including an unreal chip in EAGLE 3 on the uphill dogleg right par 5 9th hole to make the cut, let's ******* go michael!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...and yeah it's always good to recognize ur fans too brah!!
As they say around here Fly Eagles Fly!!! https://t.co/dSOYMqBGnf
— Michael S. Kim (@Mike_kim714) May 15, 2026
Who was that guy yelling when you drained the putt on 9? Foley? Someone else on your team? Or a random guy?
— Mark Kornucik (@Markass9594) May 16, 2026
max homa (77, missed cut): max is taking next week off (michael kim & haas biz ad grad james hahn will be repping the cal bears in texas), life is not linear
the bear would not quit, the bear would not die (and monster will NOT just look the other way re: grifters, that's not how his berkeley grad tiger moms who grew up poor as **** in a small space above a laundary in san francisco raised him)#
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and with that ELITE degree comes a responsibility to protect the most vulnerable in society which in my case involves quantum level fundraising for them rescue doggy dogs in maricopa county, drinking high end vodka & blowing smoke from cigars at the servers at a pretentious cocktail party is just clouds of nothingness/wasted days)
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