cal's monster offensive line

4,701,823 Views | 17563 Replies | Last: 7 hrs ago by Shocky1
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
7:36p, 5/15/26

https://instagr.am/p/CzjoioSv-u2
administrative note: 9th post by the monster, u know the story
Reply Quote
sonofabear51
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
3:55p, 5/16/26
BUMP
Reply Quote
2
smh
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
In reply to sonofabear51 • 4:27p, 5/16/26
sonofabear51 said:
BUMP

Time flies, but hardly ever looks back..
https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/music/articles/wavy-gravy-turning-90-heres-021128809.html
dateline Thu, May 14, 2026 at 7:11 PM PDT

sighned, not dead yet # funk trunk; i.c.e. too
Reply Quote
2
7 edits
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
5:39p, 5/16/26
2026 philadelphia eagles tournament: 3rd round update

https://instagr.am/p/DR2KQ4-Dd1j
^ real talk: cbyf1 nfl cheerleaders from academically mediocre skools like temple, drexel & villanova wanna date & marry berkeley, stanford & ivy league grads so they can live most of the year in the 75% cali sunshine (with zero nasty insects & freezing azz winters)!!

michael kim (67, tied for 31st): our cali bear came into the ring throwing haymakers from the jump!!



and then on the moved up tee box 292 yard par 4 13th hole threw down a knockout punch with a drawing 7 wood to 6 feet & then rolled in the right to left EAGLE!!

https://instagr.am/p/DYZ9-bBRk2E
wut's amazing about this round is that michael MISSED 11 fairways, can u even imagine what this california golden bear is gonna do when the driver is on point??



how did michael become the #45 ranked player in the world??


yeah the MONSTER coaching/development with the white shirt/shorts & cal cap and apparently a resting b**** face under the blimp is the solution!!

collin morikawa (74, tied for 76th): collin, u wuz guessing on greens reading today (45 feet in total putts drained) just like oakmont at the 2025 us open...u got some decisions to make, is ur priority moving forward gonna be to make pre site visits to future major sites to familiarize urself with the architectural complexities of the cathedrals of golf or is it gonna continue to be making half a dozen cross country flights from las vegas to west palm beach to play in an indoor golf league that is entertaining but that nobody gives 2 ***** about in the long run??...wut's gonna be ur legacy brah (r u gonna put urself in the best possible position to win a 3rd major or not)??


cal men's golf update:


wut up calllixte??

as a euro junior ryder cupper at bethpage last fall the shockster is working with ur future teammates & coaches in anticipation of ur arrival from paris to the san francisco bay area this summer re: their fluency in french

tres bon monsieur alzas!!

Reply Quote
16 edits
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
6:01p, 5/16/26
2026 berkeley graduations:


^ chancellor lyons, as fellow haas biz ad grads we both know that vals (earned a berkeley degree in 3 years plus she got a good ponytail!!) gets it & knows berkeley is the #1 public university in the WORLD unlike ur dumb azz football head coach with the 3 stooges trim...honestly ms grimaldo should be running the creative services/branding for the entire university

https://instagr.am/p/DYaQc4nAd1k


don't be a dumb azz#
^ real talk, stoopid parents tend to raise stoopid low gpa unproductive children that are living off them when they r 30 years olds, ay caramba no es bueno!!
Reply Quote
7 edits
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
In reply to Shocky1 • 8:03p, 5/16/26
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:
2027 high school recruiting update:


the staff is keeping a close eye (no official visit scheduled at this time) on fast developing 16 year old 6'4" 205 lbs football/hoops +1 athletic linebacker elyjah staples jr from marquez high school in huntington park


elyjah is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 4.2 gpa

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD


UPDATE: elyjah gonna official trip to berkeley may 28th-31st

fun fact: with a 4.2 gpa elyjah is smarter than the berkeley bears head coach in case you haven't figured it out yet!!

Reply Quote
2 edits
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
8:50p, 5/17/26
2026 rocky balboa philly tournament: 4th round update

https://instagr.am/p/CIyb-xRAHGz

^ aaron rai's wife is a cbyf1!!

michael kim (72,, tied for 44th): last time the shockster played aronomink he intentionally played to the far left rough (which wuz significantly less penal than the pga championship) on the short par par 4 13th hole in order to create an angle of attack to a deep right pin position...today michael pulled a 3 wood left to a similar spot & it wuz ruled outta bounds due to the temporary spectator bleachers...ay caramba, no es bueno!!

in the just released official world golf rankings our cali bear is #45 (morikawa is now #6), the top 60 get invitations to the 2026 us open & the top 50 will receive invitations to the 2026 british open

the shockster's recently incorporated monsterloseurazz.com thinks michael's short game is a good as anybody on planet earth & with his imaginative shotmaking that makes him a rocky kinda underdog favorite to win the us open at shinnecock hills (kim got rained out for a tee time at shinny when he wuz on the united states walker cup team competing at next door the national golf links of america)!!

update: CONGRATS MICHAEL, KABBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!


collin morikawa (68, tied for 55th):

fun fact: collin played briskly (leaving his playing partner elvis hustling to keep up) like the monster in 3 hours & 48 minutes (glacial pace rounds & golf carts are for losers)

mental toughness: collin missed 6 of his first 10 fairways (not counting par 3s) by less than 2 yards each time & wuz penalized with 6 brutal lies yet never threw a ******* pity party, just worked out the #s with urbanek & played the next shot

morikawa future MAJORS schedule: will he start playing pre tourny rounds to familiarize himself with these cathedrals of golf to best position himself for a 3rd major or not??

2026 us open at shinnecock hills: collin has never played (shocks got 5 rounds)

2026 british open at royal birkdale: collin played once with his agent (shocks got 3 rounds)

2027 masters at augusta national: collin has played 6 masters (shocks got 15 rounds, 5 visits with 3 rounds)

2027 pga championship at pga frisco (west): collin has never played (shocks played 3 rounds with slim wadie including a FUN game with ursacarolina prior to the bears roadie at north texas)

2027 us open at pebble beach: collin has played countless rounds at pebble including this year's CHAMPIONSHIP!! (shocks got approximately 25 rounds thru the years)

2027 british open at saint andrews: collin played in an open at the home of golf (shocks got 8 rounds)

look collin, r u listening to the monster (ur friend got ur best interests at heart brah)??

https://instagr.am/p/DYaze3sDlfb


^ rocky wanted to win for the cbyf1!!

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (including the beautiful people of the city of brotherly love)
Reply Quote
12 edits
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
6:31a, 5/18/26
https://instagr.am/p/DIE51YLy6Ao
chancellor lyons, at the recent acc outdoor track & field championships hosted by louisville the men's team finished 11th & the women's team finished 14th, this is beyond breaking bad

under the failed leadership of co athletic directors jay & jenny (faithful lieutenants under general knowlton with their anti football/basketball agendas) track got near non existent fundraising

rich, NOW is the time to exercise the nuclear option (oppenheimer wuz a berkeley professor) & detonate the track & field and cross country programs (which are also failing) in order to repurpose the valuable land that edwards stadium sits upon for the greater good of the university via an internal accounting "sale" of edwards to buy down the athletic department massive DEBT to the central campus

there is an enterprise risk management financial tsunami heading towards the #1 ranked public university in the WORLD with reduced state & federal funding on the horizon, NOW is the time to BLOW UP the FAILING programs & redirect focus and dollars towards the revenue sports with existential conference realignments realistically occurring during the next 12-24 months

KABBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply Quote
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
In reply to Shocky1 • 2:31p, 5/18/26
Shocky1 said:

mind boggling insanity: why the **** does long time cal's monster class reader marshawn lynch know that berkeley is "arguably the number one public university in the WORLD" while our football head coach don't know this simple fun fact??


yeah in case you haven't figured it out yet coach lup is a stubborn/obstinate dumb azz (plus he got a 3 stooges trim) that is intentionally tryna to minimize berkeley's ELITE academic global reputation (for reasons that are truly incomprehensible)!!

https://instagr.am/p/DPYkpzrDvuI
this is ******* cal football (sigh)#

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in contra costa county (or whatever)!!!!!!!!!!!!


wut up marshawn??

can u believe this ****, coach lup for the 1st time evah referred to our skool as the top public skool in the WORLD!!

but when the **** is he gonna lose the twitter pinned post with that "country" bull****??
Reply Quote
2
1 edit
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
7:20p, 5/18/26
2026 men's golf ncca regional tournament at THE ohio state (scarlet): 1st round update

https://instagr.am/p/DQ5hzGUiTDy
daniel heo (71, tied for 3rd): drama free 2 birdie/2 bogey clean round on a 7422 yard monster, let's go daniel!!
sihao cong (74, tied for 30th): superlative 34 on the back nine plus the cong show got the best hair at the tourny!!
ziqin zhou (75, tied for 42nd): z is the #39 ranked college golfer, tomorrow is gonna be a new day for my brah
charlie bundy (76, tied for 55th): charlie has been playing some very solid golf lately
trevor cox (80, tied for 73rd): trevor, ur still the greatest golfer evah from legoland high school

1) florida (-7)
2) memphis (+5)
3t) florida state (+6)
3t) stanford (+6)
5) illinois state (+9)
6) asu (+10)
7t) cal (+12)
7t) wright state (+12)
9t) long beach state (+14)
9t) south carolina (+14)
11t) south florida (+16)
11t) oregon (+16)
11t) utah (+16)

key note: the top 5 teams will advance to the ncca championship finals at la costa in carlsbad, cal is currently only 3 stokes outta 5th place...memphis, illinois state & wright state are not ranked teams and may wake the **** up tomorrow (and get their azzs handed to them)

https://instagr.am/p/DKR4bmkORXh
when the monster, slim wadie & rogg machine went to the bears vs the buckeyes game (along with rounds at scioto, osu scarlet, double eagle, muirfield village & the golf club) at the horseshoe we dropped by the jack nicklaus museum on the way to the stadium for 5 minutes, basically there's like 17,500 trophies, medals & ****...more importantly jack & barbara have unselfishly fundraised (including their own generous donations) hundreds of millions of dollars for charitable causes with a focus upon helping hospitals

while not a fan of the nicklaus organization architecture work (zero legit world top 100 candidate courses) we all wake up in the morning with an opportunity to be a force for good and help those less fortunate/serve our communities (like the golden bear) or be a self serving pretentious force for evil (like the grifters, **** them)

namaste (kinda confusing why the shockster is still unfairly rated as a substitute yoga teacher17 (syt17) by modern yoga, is it something the monster said??)#
Reply Quote
10 edits
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
3:25a, 5/19/26
2027 high school recruiting update:


the staff is 100% all in with relentless pursuit all over the field +1 athletic playmaking 6'3" 215 lbs linebacker samson toa satele from mililani high school in honolulu

satele is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 3.5 gpa (but more importantly he got good hair!!)

https://instagr.am/p/DXYP9Wrj3Xy
samson, let ur fellow poly hopa/hopa brah break it down for u, ok??

oregon: have u talked to jaron re: the freezing azz winter weather in ****hole eugene??...polys thrive in warm weather brah, r u an eskimo & do u own an igloo or something??...and yeah it's a **** academic skool too with a lotta low gpa disposable gladiators that will be ****** when they r 30 years old parking shocky's wheels for tips at mauna kea

texas: austin got tasty food trucks & 4/5 star players stacked 3 deep at every position, is this truly the best route for ur potential nfl development with early playing/starting time??...hook 'em horns is referring to high school all americans getting blisters sitting their azzs on the bench (except for special teams) during gamedays

notre dame: literally everybody in south bend (which is gonna take forever for ur fam to get to on fall gamedays
unless they own a private jet) is straight up white except for the dozens of polys & blacks that are on the irish sport teams...and yeah it's really ******* cold too in the winter...brhhhhhh

cal: a chance to earn an ELITE academic degree in cali, live with other FUN guys in the inclusive poly house which is important for ur mental health (as is seeing ur fam on fall gamedays with the direct 2 movie flights from honolulu to san francisco) & be a day 1 STARTER for them bears as part of ur NFL development!!

brah, this **** really isn't that complicated

https://instagr.am/p/DYX9fqyAWWj
life is NOT linear (and the best paths in life are often right in front of us if we listen to our hearts)#
^ just another banger fortune cookie insert by the monster as one of his side hustle gigs to handle unpaid bills & ****



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (the rich people with 2nd/3rd homes in the ocean estates in diamond head are berkeley, stanford & ivy league grads)

UPDATE: toa is gonna officially trip to berkeley june 12th-14th!!
Reply Quote
8 edits
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
12:51p, 5/19/26
2026 men's golf ncaa regional tournament at THE ohio state (scarlet): 2nd round update

https://instagr.am/p/DUenkBMjB0Z
ziqin zhou (72, tied for 20th): z shot the 4th lowest round for the day!!
daniel heo (76, tied for 20th): need senior leadership manana
sihao cong (78, tied for 50th): avoid the supercuts in columbus brah
charlie bundy (77, tied for 54th): gotta keep the tee balls outta the challenging rough
trevor cox (75, tied for 65th): big time improvement, let's ******* go trevor!!

1) florida (-7)
2) memphis (+9)
3) stanford (+13)
4) asu (+15)
5) long beach state (+20)
6) florida state (+21)
7) illinois state (+22)
8) oregon (+26)
9) cal (+28)
10) south florida (+30)
11) south carolina (+31)
12) wright state (+33)
13) utah (+35)

the top 5 scoring teams after tomorrow's 3rd & final round will advance to the 2026 ncca championship tourny at la costa, right now the bears are 8 strokes outta 5th place which is within reach

a key point in tomorrow's morning practice session needs to be calibrating the irons/utility woods into the 4 monster par 3s at the scarlet which all are playing 200+ yards...the bears played them in 10 over par today which no es bueno, if the bears can play the non diverse par 3s in even par tomorrow that will go a long way in moving up the leaderboard towards the coveted 5th spot

golf like life gotta lotta obstacles so staying the course tomorrow with a focused yet mentally/physical relaxed mindset will be the key to getting into contention down the homestretch



the bear would not quit, the bear would not die (the bear would NOT eat at cracker barrel)#

note: 9th post by the monster, u know the story
Reply Quote
4 edits
sonofabear51
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
1:07p, 5/19/26
I do know the story,

THIS IS BEAR TERRITORY!!

Reply Quote
1
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
5:35p, 5/19/26
cal athletics town hall update:

why would chancellor lyons allow jennifer simon-o'neil who has relentlessly worked AGAINST the football program for the last decade plus to speak at a fundraising event??

both the men's & women's team are DEAD in the water until they develop a marketing/branding plan (not offering FREE tixs to all students for the men's games is gonna ensure an inoperative pipeline for future fans/donors) that creates ENERGY via authentic storytelling to impact ELITE RECRUITING, nobody (except a couple dozen sr citizens) gives 2 ***** about the current 9 month rental leases of nameless players with zero berkeley diplomas, where's the next cal's monster class publicly (the current private premium model has horribly failed during the last decade) targeting high gpa micky d all americans??...and yeah it's critically imperative to dynamically build YOUNGER fanbases that pack haas pavilion on gamedays and restore the long gone roar!!



fire worthless bureaucrats jay & jenny (berkeley grad andrew mcgraw for athletic director!!)#
Reply Quote
1
5 edits
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
3:11a, 5/20/26
2027 high school recruiting update:


cal commit 3.7 gpa disruptive linebacker gunnar perry is transferring from notre dame preparatory high school to cactus shadows high school & intends to graduate in december and enroll early in berkeley in january of 2027

his older bro oregon transfer cooper "coop sauce" perry got a 4.1 gpa at notre dame (my kids alma mater in north scottsdale) & after an outstanding spring ball is a probable bears wr1 for the uc championship game on september 5th

https://instagr.am/p/DXFm_BVgTsX
yeah there's gonna be deja vu in cali, zony to the left coast (or the west village in new york city) is the move!!

https://instagr.am/p/CxRVdYQPFNO
Reply Quote
1
2 edits
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
4:05a, 5/20/26
2027 high school recruiting/official movie trailer update:


https://instagr.am/p/DWBf4-Xgcr7
"the attack of the spida man" is gonna be premiering in memorial stadium in the fall of 2027!!

webs up#
Reply Quote
3 edits
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
In reply to Shocky1 • 2:53p, 5/20/26
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:
2027 high school recruiting updates:

with the 2026 transfer portal mostly done, the staff is already building a wall around nor cal with 4 key pipeline high schools visited by the entire staff on monday plus a couple of in home visits with high priority targets such as serra high school's 3.3 gpa defensive back jeovanni henley & +1 athletic malakai taufoou




2027 high school recruiting update:


malakai is a mama's boy like shocky!!#


malakai, in case u haven't figured it out yet, let the monster help u break it down, ok?

byu: do u really want to sign the student conduct document & live in freezing azz provo utah for the next 4 years??...r u an eskimo & do u own an igloo??

washington: drizzly azz seattle is depressing as **** most of the year & expensive/time consuming for the fam to travel to on fall gamedays...if not seeing ur fam or sunshine for 9 months of the year won't negatively affect ur mental health this might be a good spot for u

oregon: similar cold as **** weather as seattle but with even lower gpa dumb azzs at a low academic football factory that stacks 4/5 star talent three deep at every position...unless u got a private jet it's gonna be really hard for moms to get to eugene on fall gamedays, from a mental health perspective do u want her to be an integral part of ur collegiate experience??

penn state: absolutely in the middle of ******* nowhere (good luck to ur fam tryna get there on gamedays without a private jet), literally everyone in non diverse state college pennsylvania is straight up white except for the few blacks & polys that play on the sports teams...really lousy snowy winters, severe windstorm springs & nasty humid summers, this is NOT cali weather and the academics aren't gonna open any doors when ur 30 years old

cal: the rich people that live in the $25,000,000+ mansions in nearby atherton & hillsborough are NOT grads of 2nd tier academic skools like byu, oregon, penn state & washington, they built generational wealth as grads of berkeley, stanford & the ivy league...don't be a dumb azz, high school football stars that get exploited at football factories as disposable gladiators wake up at age 30 working security at pac bell stadium for 20 bucks an hour, ur hopefully not that guy


malakai, this **** really isn't that complicated

Reply Quote
1 edit
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
8:38p, 5/20/26
2026 men's golf ncca regional tournament at THE ohio state (scarlet): 3rd round update

^ all the back tees at the buckeyes home course are red

well, the cali bears 2025/2026 season came to an end today in columbus after a lightning/lousy weather delay which is typical for too cold in the winter/too hot in the summer midwest weather (it's mind boggling why anybody would live there if they had an option to leave)

and yeah my brah ziqin zhou played like a boss man once again shooting 217 over 3 rounds on the 7422 yard scarlet monster...in the latest individual rankings, z is #39 in the nation despite missing time early in the season with back issues...if zhou gets a yoga/meditation practice he will be a TOP 10 player in college golf next season!!...z will next compete at the 2026 us open final qualifier at del paso in sacramento on june 8th with haas biz grad michael weaver & potentially max homa (did not get a sponsor invitation into the memorial tournament that week so will likely try to do final us open qualifying closer to home in scottsdale)

final thoughts on the season: the bears other than z underachieved in finishing the season a kinda mediocre #48 in the nation...the team finished 8th in one of the 6 regionals which means the team's ncca play this week wuz not unexpected (6 times 8 is 48, u can do the math amigo)...shout outs to seniors charlie berridge & daniel heo for being outstanding high character and FUN teammates in addition to earning berkeley degrees!!

wut needs to happen: other than z the other 5 returning bears are all significantly UNDERSIZED to play championship golf...guys need to start counting daily protein grams, working more with weights in an ineffectual s&c program and gaining on the average at least 10-15 lbs this summer...if this don't happen, next season is gonna be just another nothing to write home about season...there's a reason that max, collin & michael have all added significant weight/strength during the last 18 months in a game that more & more is rewarding those with elite ball/club speed

2026 recruiting: parisian callixte alzas played on the 6 young men member euro ryder cup jr team at bethpage, he got pga/dp tour upside!!...the other 2 incoming recruits graham christopher from oaks christian & noah eisen from delasalle are both 4.0 gpa outstanding students but undersized with underwhelming amateur golf careers (with no achievements in usga events)...hopefully they both come in with chips on their shoulders because in the monster's estimation they are marginal d1 prospects

2026 us amateur: honestly z could win the title at merion this summer!!...and yeah with local qualifying at castlewood (valley) in pleasanton & final qualifying at ruby hills also in pleasanton hopefully trevor cox, xihuan chang, sihao cong, charlie bundy & matthew miyamoto will also compete at one of the largest stages in golf in order to advance to one of the true cathedrals of golf in ardmore pennsylvania!!

pga tour updates: haas biz ad grad james hahn will be the only cali bear competing this week at the buc-ee's open in mckinney texas...even tho he lives nearby in north dallas michael is taking the week off & will be returning to action the following week at colonial in fort worth along with former teammate max...collin is taking 2 weeks off & is gonna tee it up at jack's memorial tournament which morikawa won a couple years ago

fun fact: shocky walked a brisk 18 holes with his close friend/biz mentor johnny at desert highlands this morning, we wuz paired with a ceo (company is a nfl sponsor) from charlotte who tole me that he's played with ron & stephanie rivera in charity tournaments at quail hollow and that ron is a long hitting bogey golfer, stephanie (former bears wbb hooper) hits the **** outta her driver (and is a better golfer than her husband) and that both are both fantastic in supporting community service/charity projects (unlike the self indulgent/always monetizing grifters)

odds & ends: liv golfer byeong hun an didn't make it outta us open final qualifying this monday in dallas, he left the pga tour to join the 9/11 terrorist financed morally (kinda like the grifters)/financially bankrupt liv exhibition league in order to "grow the game in south korea" & now he's gonna be kinda ****** after the final liv tournament...ben got a young family living at lake nona in orlando & he's likely gonna have to travel further afar in order to compete on the dp tour in 2027 in his quest to finish in the top 10 in europe in order to return to the pga tour....what a ****show driven by greed

berkeley econ grad sampson zheng is competing this week on the asia tour & hopefully has learned a valuable lesson re: not chasing the dirty money from liv...and hopefully haas biz ad grad kk limbhaust is gonna reappear in professional golf sooner than later

yeah the bears got walked to their car today, that's life sometimes and that's nothing new but tomorrow is full of new opportunities for those that are willing to put in the HARD WORK (and not let yesterday be leaking thru the roof)!!

can we please be absolutely sure??



cal is a golf school (and the only university on planet earth with a greater men's golf endowment than the football & basketball programs combined)#
Reply Quote
19 edits
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
10:23p, 5/20/26


KABBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!

shocky taught his 1st class today as a substitute yoga teacher when master teacher anton got a mysterious message (ip address from the new buc-ee's in buckeye arizona with a grand opening of june 22nd) advising him that the 4:15 pm modern yoga class wuz cancelled & the shockster graciously filled in!!

additionally after being originally being unfairly evaluated (which wuz kinda ruining schulzy's whole life!!) as a substitute yoga teacher17 (syt17) by the modern yoga management, he's now been upgraded to syt16, yeah the monster is taking the victory!!


it's a great day to be a bear (roaRRRRRRRR)!!#
Reply Quote
5 edits
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
6:59a, 5/21/26

real talk: nfl academy alum/tennessee transfer unreal +1 athletic emmanuel okoye is gonna be battling arguably the most physically well constructed/ripped (unlike the cal golf men's team other than z) monster in the program texas a&m transfer solomon williams for the olb1 job during fall ball prior to the uc championship game on september 5, 2026, do u got ur tix(s)??


yeah the bears are gonna be able to finally bring the ******* heat (something which seldom happened under coach wilcox in his bend/break d schemes that focused more on gap control) from the APEX PREDATOR EDGE DEFENDER position!!


the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university on planet earth (including the beautiful people of nigeria)
Reply Quote
2 edits
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
7:21a, 5/21/26
https://instagr.am/p/DYkTWLflJNn
https://instagr.am/p/DYmcUHXR113
OFFICIAL national security ALERT: them california golden bears are running ******* WILD in times square & the empire state building!!





new york city (particularly cipriani basement) is bear territory!!#

Reply Quote
3 edits
82gradDLSdad
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
In reply to Shocky1 • 8:51a, 5/21/26
Shocky1 said:
2026 men's golf ncca regional tournament at THE ohio state (scarlet): 3rd round update

^ all the back tees at the buckeyes home course are red

well, the cali bears 2025/2026 season came to an end today in columbus after a lightning/lousy weather delay which is typical for too cold in the winter/too hot in the summer midwest weather (it's mind boggling why anybody would live there if they had an option to leave)

and yeah my brah ziqin zhou played like a boss man once again shooting 217 over 3 rounds on the 7422 yard scarlet monster...in the latest individual rankings, z is #39 in the nation despite missing time early in the season with back issues...if zhou gets a yoga/meditation practice he will be a TOP 10 player in college golf next season!!...z will next compete at the 2026 us open final qualifier at del paso in sacramento on june 8th with haas biz grad michael weaver & potentially max homa (did not get a sponsor invitation into the memorial tournament that week so will likely try to do final us open qualifying closer to home in scottsdale)

final thoughts on the season: the bears other than z underachieved in finishing the season a kinda mediocre #48 in the nation...the team finished 8th in one of the 6 regionals which means the team's ncca play this week wuz not unexpected (6 times 8 is 48, u can do the math amigo)...shout outs to seniors charlie berridge & daniel heo for being outstanding high character and FUN teammates in addition to earning berkeley degrees!!

wut needs to happen: other than z the other 5 returning bears are all significantly UNDERSIZED to play championship golf...guys need to start counting daily protein grams, working more with weights in an ineffectual s&c program and gaining on the average at least 10-15 lbs this summer...if this don't happen, next season is gonna be just another nothing to write home about season...there's a reason that max, collin & michael have all added significant weight/strength during the last 18 months in a game that more & more is rewarding those with elite ball/club speed

2026 recruiting: parisian callixte alzas played on the 6 young men member euro ryder cup jr team at bethpage, he got pga/dp tour upside!!...the other 2 incoming recruits graham christopher from oaks christian & noah eisen from delasalle are both 4.0 gpa outstanding students but undersized with underwhelming amateur golf careers (with no achievements in usga events)...hopefully they both come in with chips on their shoulders because in the monster's estimation they are marginal d1 prospects

2026 us amateur: honestly z could win the title at merion this summer!!...and yeah with local qualifying at castlewood (valley) in pleasanton & final qualifying at ruby hills also in pleasanton hopefully trevor cox, xihuan chang, sihao cong, charlie bundy & matthew miyamoto will also compete at one of the largest stages in golf in order to advance to one of the true cathedrals of golf in ardmore pennsylvania!!

pga tour updates: haas biz ad grad james hahn will be the only cali bear competing this week at the buc-ee's open in mckinney texas...even tho he lives nearby in north dallas michael is taking the week off & will be returning to action the following week at colonial in fort worth along with former teammate max...collin is taking 2 weeks off & is gonna tee it up at jack's memorial tournament which morikawa won a couple years ago

fun fact: shocky walked a brisk 18 holes with his close friend/biz mentor johnny at desert highlands this morning, we wuz paired with a ceo (company is a nfl sponsor) from charlotte who tole me that he's played with ron & stephanie rivera in charity tournaments at quail hollow and that ron is a long hitting bogey golfer, stephanie (former bears wbb hooper) hits the **** outta her driver (and is a better golfer than her husband) and that both are both fantastic in supporting community service/charity projects (unlike the self indulgent/always monetizing grifters)

odds & ends: liv golfer byeong hun an didn't make it outta us open final qualifying this monday in dallas, he left the pga tour to join the 9/11 terrorist financed morally (kinda like the grifters)/financially bankrupt liv exhibition league in order to "grow the game in south korea" & now he's gonna be kinda ****** after the final liv tournament...ben got a young family living at lake nona in orlando & he's likely gonna have to travel further afar in order to compete on the dp tour in 2027 in his quest to finish in the top 10 in europe in order to return to the pga tour....what a ****show driven by greed

haas biz ad grad sampson zheng is competing this week on the asia tour & hopefully has learned a valuable lesson re: not chasing the dirty money from liv...and hopefully haas biz ad grad kk limbhaust is gonna reappear in professional golf sooner than later

yeah the bears got walked to their car today, that's life sometimes and that's nothing new but tomorrow is full of new opportunities for those that are willing to put in the HARD WORK (and not let yesterday be leaking thru the roof)!!

can we please be absolutely sure??






cal is a golf school (and the only university on planet earth with a greater men's golf endowment than the football & basketball programs combined)#


Here's a personal plug for Noah's DLS teammate Dru Sanchez. He's a junior and finished second to Noah at the NCS tournament which DLS won. I hit balls with him at Diablo Creek one night recently and he is a great player, a great kid and has a very supportive mom and dad who were there. I believe he told me his dad is his teacher. Didn't hurt for me that mom is very cute and nice. Dru is a very nice kid with a beautiful swing. He definitely needs to hit the training room.
Reply Quote
3
1 edit
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
10:37a, 5/21/26
2027 high school recruiting update:


firm cal commit 3.5 gpa with legit NFL upside troy bowens from sutter creek high school is all in with them cali bears & is gonna be a influential leader in driving the recruiting bus on the 1st official visits weekend of may 28th-31st

yeah it's fun to talk to other blue & gold skools (that are academically inferior & thousands of miles away from the fam) but at the end of the day let's remember what's really important in life


let's ******* go, troy!!

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and a 2 hour drive for the fam on fall gamedays to memorial stadium)
Reply Quote
3 edits
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
In reply to Shocky1 • 4:10p, 5/21/26
Shocky1 said:
2026 cal's MONSTER offensive line recruiting update:

https://instagr.am/p/DYTY1SHh5nk
the staff is prioritizing towering +1 athletic with SPEED (soccer standout) 6'6" 280 lbs offensive tackle tye kennedy from mountain view high school in the east valley (mesa)...kennedy got an actionable offer (any cal recruiting update that don't got a gpa and differentiate between actionable & conditional offers is worthless) & is gonna officially trip to berkeley during the 1st recruiting weekend of may 28-30th along with his dad lincoln (11 year nfl veteran/current las vegas raiders broadcaster)


ty, you've indicated your top priority is ACADEMICS, michigan got good school colors but is not even anywhere near the same zip code as berkeley, stanford & the ivy league, got it??

ty is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 4.0 gpa!!

yeah the monster 100% endorses this KEY recruitment of a fellow zony that is mentally limitless (plus he got good hair)!!

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and a quick comfortable-unlike seattle, ann arbor, minneapolis & salt lake city-2 hour flight on southwest on fall morning gamedays to the bay area for the fam & then a 1 hour flight for dad to vegas on saturday nite)




ty, in case u haven't figured it out yet, let the monster break it down for u brah, ok??

arizona state: do u wanna get untreatable stds at the #1 ranked stripper college on planet earth (literally every female classmate at modern yoga is a dancer working for dollars or something) but then again maybe working as a line manager at the cobblestone car wash in gilbert when ur 30 years old may seem like a bright future??

utah: seriously, has a 4.0 gpa football player evah even enrolled in socially weird/backwards as **** salt lake city??

washington: r u gonna create ur own legacy/footprint in life or just gonna blindly try to watch back to the future with ur dad??

michigan: great school colors but not so great weather or stacked 3 deep depth chart on the offensive line of high school & portal transfer all americans all waiting for their chance (which may or may not evah happen)

minnesota: r u tryna to meet miss nordic trac & help her train for the 2028 olympics cross country skiing competition or something??...if so we can meet up at shocky's beloved white bear yacht club which is the most underrated course in the midwest (steinbeck's great american novel the great gatsby wuz actually not set in the hamptons, john wrote the novel from the club's 2nd story dorm room overlooking the lake (and the green light of the future) during a frozen tundra winter in the great north)

cal: the only ELITE academic school among ur finalists plus it got a clear path to starting early on the o-line & facilitating NFL development...and let's be real here, u wanna live in cali, rite??

https://instagr.am/p/ClSYP5mOZBc
ty, this **** is NOT that complicated (playing marco polo is way more confusing)

-ur zony brah shocky

https://instagr.am/p/DGtl5d9uXng
Reply Quote
10 edits
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
9:24p, 5/21/26
2026 buc-ee's open (on a lousy azz golf course north of dallas): 1st round update

https://instagr.am/p/C-QKC3LJEZH
^ the hahn family lives at grayhawk in north scottsdale with the 44 year old haas biz ad grad james practicing at tpc scottsdale & scottsdale national, his adorable daughter kailee is hopa/hopa (half & half) like the shockster...james is a tremendous high character DAD (unlike grifters who invariably raise low gpa unproductive sponges, that's the curse of being a really bad human being)

james hahn (72, tied for 124th): james is striking the ball well (10 outta 14 fairways) but the broomstick putter only rolled in 51 feet in putts today...hahn's pga career earnings are $12,900,000 but despite that he still sometimes cuts his own hair, ay caramba!!
Reply Quote
2 edits
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
1:41p, 5/22/26
2026 buc-ee's open: 2nd round update


james hahn (71, missed cut): kailee's dad's putter wuz icy again (55 feet in made putts) for a 2nd straight day but make no mistake about it when the ELITE conditioned james is finally eligible for the champions (senior) tour he's gonna be a top 5 player as many of his peers have decimated their bodies thru cigars, alcohol & obesity at pretentious cocktail parties thru the years

korn ferry tour: berkeley econ grad james song from legoland high school shot 67 & 70 at the fabulous donald ross classic holston hills (2nd best course in tennessee after the honors club) but bogied his final hole to miss the cut by a stroke, james is starting to adjust to the kft & playing solid golf!!

pga americas: berkeley american studies gradr finnigan tilly shot 70 & 72 and missed the cut in ecuador but is racking up the frequent mile points while seeing the world & developing his game!!

2026 us open final qualifying: berkeley econ grad sampson zheng is competing this monday may 25th at hino (king) in japan, good luck sampson!!


^ the above list does not contemplate common sense and/or 9/11 terrorist financed liv exhibition league bankruptcy proceedings (**** rahmbo & chambo, make them earn their pga cards back via the dp tour)

cal's monster class OFFICIAL world top 100 golf course rankings:
note: ranked from most accurate to most corrupt

1) planet golf: australian darius oliver is on the money (schulzy has played every course on the current list), the intergalactic cape wickam on king island (a short flite from sydney) is deserving of the #10 spot!!
https://www.planetgolf.com/rankings/worldwide/planet-golf-world-100/current

2) top100golfcourses.com: strong list other than the silly inclusion of the private estate fazio design in brazil
https://www.top100golfcourses.com/leaderboard/top-100-golf-courses-of-the-world

3) golf digest: current world top 100 just released, lots of questionable calls in the final 20

4) any ai generated list that includes the monster's masterpiece three jack national!!

5) the pieces of work by monetizing grifters ran morrissett & joe passov in collaboration with bagman steve lapper (he dead now)

6) golf magazine


Reply Quote
8 edits
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
In reply to Shocky1 • 2:16p, 5/22/26
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:
2027 high school quarterback recruiting update:


CONGRATS to dane on the elite 11 invitation & opportunity to compete with the top high school quarterbacks in the united states of america (including ibiza)!!


weber has been the qb1 on the rolo & jordan big board for a while which wuz a factor in the very talented sione tu'amoheloa-kaho committing to stanford as wuz the fact his uncle is the stanford head coach tavita pritchard

yeah the bears staff is ALL IN with 3.8 gpa (any cal recruiting update that does not include a gpa is worthless as ****) dane weber!!


the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (ucla is a solid choice for those denied admission to berkeley, stanford & the ivy league)
^ fun fact: the university of cincinnati does a great job of preparing its low gpa ballers for becoming nite shift supervisors at a midwest white castle serving stoners & then cleaning the restrooms at 1:30 am for 20 bucks an hour at age 30, go bearkats!!


cal's monster class prediction: dane will select the ELITE academic school with the head coach he trusts the most & that moms (a nutritionist) knows will make sure he eats a clean healthy diet (no ******* frosted strawberry cheesecake pop tarts for breakfast)!!

https://instagr.am/p/DYFdR5TPIYs

Reply Quote
1 edit
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
4:51p, 5/22/26
https://instagr.am/p/DVGY3s4Fj7_


2026: the cali summer of love (underwear is for losers)!!#

Reply Quote
3 edits
82gradDLSdad
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
In reply to Shocky1 • 4:32a, 5/23/26
23 years old?! She's going to be a handful. Polymarket is already posting over/under odds on number of marriages.
Reply Quote
1
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
5:17a, 5/23/26
2027 high school recruiting update:

https://instagr.am/p/DYVZ41nEsOI
the staff has extended an offer to high iq long & rangy outside linebacker 6'45" 215 lbs linebacker grant moser from buchanan high school in clovis

grant is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 3.5 gpa plus he knows that his prom date is only 2-3 visits to fifty shades of hair away from becoming a curvy brunette yoga female (cbyf1)!!

https://instagr.am/p/DXgBZsMD_2x
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and a sub 3 hour morning drive for the fam on fall gamedays to memorial stadium)
Reply Quote
2 edits
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
In reply to Shocky1 • 5:57a, 5/23/26
Shocky1 said:
2027 high school recruiting update:


the staff is targeting fast ascending 6'45" 215 lbs with 4.55 laser SPEED tight end jamie spurgeon from minarets high school (previously attended clovis east high school)...jamie wuz a lightly recruited quarterback until he made the position switch to a nightmare matchup te1...and most importantly he got good hair (unlike the bears head coach)!!


spurgeon is +1 athletic & can also go yard on the baseball diamond (and also clocked with a 92 mph fastball)!!


the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and a 3 hour drive for the fam on fall gamedays from oneals to memorial stadium)

UPDATE: spurgeon (4.5 laser 40) has narrowed it down to cal (june 5-7th official visit) and wildly academically inferior & impossible for the fam to get to to lubbock on fall gameday mornings without a private jet texas tech (june 19-21st)

jamie, u gotta opportunity to build GENERATIONAL WEALTH both on the field with NFL development & in the classrooms of berkeley or u can roll the dice (if u get stacked up on the raiders 3/4 deep oil money purchased te depth chart via the transfer portal every season or if u get injured, ur kinda ******) at texas tech and potentially end up cleaning restrooms at buc-ee's when ur 30 years old

50 year decision (don't be a dumb azz)#
Reply Quote
1 edit
Shocky1
User Profile
Private Message
Ignore User Stop Ignoring
How long do you want to ignore this user?
24 hours One week Permanently Cancel
6:18a, 5/23/26
2027 high school recruiting update:


the staff is targeting physical at the line of scrimmage/vertical passing game downfield threat 6'4" 225 lbs talan scott from ala queen creek high school, the gilbert native is gonna officially trip to cali on june 11-14th


talan got good wheels (plus he also got good hair)!!



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university on planet earth
Reply Quote
1
4 edits
First Page Refresh
Page 502 of 502 ▼
 
×
subscribe Verify your student status
See Subscription Benefits
Trial only available to users who have never subscribed or participated in a previous trial.