cal's monster offensive line

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Shocky1
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11:01a, 6/9/26
2026 high school recruiting update: NEWSFLASH!!

https://instagr.am/p/DPHX_6DiBMT

4.5 gpa jason got the buc-ee & cal's monster class stamp of approval!!

https://instagr.am/p/CS2yajcgL3o
don't be a dumb azz (berkeley is a cbyf1 triggering ponytail school)#

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6:08p, 6/9/26
https://instagr.am/p/DZYqlH7sO0F
real talk: moto (and his dad) are tremendous california golden bears & my brah ziqin zhou got the mental & physical tools along with a relentless work ethic to make a deep run at the 2026 us amateur at one of the greatest cathedrals of golf merion on philly's main line later this summer in addition to battling to becoming the #1 ranked collegiate golfer (after winning the acc individual championship at a swampland non cathedral of golf in florida) in the nation next season!!

the only thing holding back z are the back issues he had early last season but don't worry we've had the conversation re: the necessity of a modern yoga/meditation practice, just ask that cbyf1 adrian!!



this is cal golf (50 year friendships)#
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1:29a, 6/10/26
https://instagr.am/p/DZRhSGuSeG2
CONGRATS to tamarik (started at a bay area community college before transferring to the haas biz school) with the generational wealth building ivy league MBA!!

https://instagr.am/p/BOTs5_CAt5s
demand the ball ivan, demand the ******* ball!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

https://instagr.am/p/DZYmj7uIGRY


cal's monster class (the roc is still alive thx to moms tami & the best family evah shines bright!!)#
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In reply to Shocky1 • 2:50p, 6/10/26
Shocky1 said:
2027 high school recruiting update:

a major targeted priority for cal's monster offensive line is the #1 ranked interior lineman from the aloha state 6'5" 305 lbs isaiah bertola from campbell high school in ewa beach (just like the bears humble faith based lefty qb1)


isaiah is gonna officially trip to berkeley on may 28th-31st, bertola gotta final 3 as follows:


byu: do u really want to sign the student code of conduct contract & live in snowy freezing azz provo, r u aware that polys don't thrive in cold weather??...how long/how much are flights from honolulu to salt lake city??

cal: #1 ranked public university in the world with a poly inclusive culture on the 9th island, ur mental health should always be a priority...NFL development starts with trusted coaching & an early starting opportunity, the bears are likely gonna start 2 seniors & a blueshirt junior in the 3 interior offensive line positions this fall

usc: well funded program but approximately 26.85% of the bull**** that comes outta grifter lincoln riley's mouth is truthful...fact checking everything he tells u is a wise/prudent course of action



https://instagr.am/p/DZapQg2mgeZ
KAAAAAABBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM (imagine mauna kea volcano eruption sounds)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fun fact: basically the deal got sealed when moani & jaron promised isaiah a FREE new yoga mat, a couple of blue & gold beach towels along with fresh jks gear and assured him that the cal poly-berkeley is the 9th island!!

kinda hoping bertola is not offended by coach famika's ******* potty mouth language!!
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10:29p, 6/10/26
2027 high school recruiting update:


the staff is targeting high motor with length 6'6" 250 lbs defensive end josh christensen from lake oswego high school in the lousy as **** weather northwest who is gonna be officially tripping to the bay on june 16-18th

josh is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 3.82 gpa (and a stanford offer)

look, don't tell nobody, but coach lup has confided in cal's monster class that the current conditional offer could become an actionable one if josh promises to quit scarfing down a box of them sugared up angioplasty heart attack voodoo donuts with 3 cups of coffee every morning!!

trust me wideouts blake, demare & the spida man are not eating this ****, they got world class SPEED!!

yeah when is tosh gonna hire future qb1 dane's cbyf1 moms rebecca as the bears team nutritionist2 (n2) supporting n1 kendall pozulp to avoid these kinda problems??

https://instagr.am/p/DY725bzB1vT
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11:39p, 6/10/26
broken record department: washington defensive line coach jason kafusi is kinda full of ****, he tells EVERY d-liner that officially visits the drizzly azz northwest like sam lejuene that he won't just teach them the 3 technique because he's gonna play them "all over the line" (which is wut he knows they wanna hear) which isn't supported by reality when fact checking the huskies actual d-line playing rotations

keeping it real (is not a thing in seattle)#
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2:00p, 6/11/26
2027 junior college recruiting update:


after a standout performance at memorial stadium's showcase last weekend, the staff is officially tripping physical with a crazy azz +1 athletic 44" vertical jump ELITE length 6'4" 190 lbs alius mayo from modesto junior college (1st team all conference) & originally lincoln high school who is gonna be a december grad this upcoming weekend june 12-14th

alius is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 3.54 gpa & knows cal defensive backs get PAID in the NFL!!


the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and an hour plus drive on fall gamedays for the fam from stockton to the lair of the bear)

ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE: this is the 9th consecutive post by shocky, he cannot post again unless there is monster reader posts/engagement per the rules of the bearinsider.com
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BearForceOne
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2:09p, 6/11/26
Let's keep the juice flowing!
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2:21p, 6/11/26

KAAAAAABBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

who the **** is 6'6" & got 4.41 40 SPEED??

yeah there are gonna be a lotta cali golden bears fans flocking to memorial stadium for 60,000+ SOLD OUT epic battles between good & evil!!...**** the grifters!!



cal's 2027 spida man & friends superheroes class (a brand NEW day in berkeley)#
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3:21p, 6/11/26
2026 tim horton's canadian open: 1st round update


max homa (68, tied for 50th): unreal blasting saving par literally in the water hazard on his 2nd hole (the par 3 11th hole with a lake fronting the green complex) of the day, max did a great job of scoring given that he hit only 11 of 18 greens in regulation & rolled in only 66 feet in putts despite some really good looks at birdies that wouldn't drop today

let's ******* go, maxazillion!!

collin morikawa (70, tied for 98th): congrats to the new DAD (but let's be real here kat did all the work during childbirth) but the sleep deprived bear knocked it to kick in birdies on the par 4 10th & 12th holes starting on the back nine before an out of sync uncharacteristic hitting 11 of 18 greens (kinda like homa) before hibernating back in his room....zzzzzzzzzz

max & collin, if the course continues to dry out/firm up you might wanna consider hitting a 3 wood tomorrow off the severe dogleg left par 4 3rd hole to facilitate a draw off the tee to hold the left to right sloping reverse chambered fairway which is kinda reminiscent of the par 4 4th hole at the olympic lake

https://instagr.am/p/DX64QsgjdNf
^ there are tim horton's on almost every street corner in canada (kinda like starbucks in the united states) but sadly their donuts taste like ******* cardboard with m&m's smeared in or something...no es bueno (not so fun fact: they do NOT sell 32 oz green juices)
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10:32p, 6/11/26

california golden bears yucky blucky fruitcake classes (mr spieker not amused cuz he got worser seats):

doechii, why don't you introduce the yucky blucky fruitcakes to the class?

2027 class:

isaiah bertola, offensive lineman (3.15 gpa)
demare dezeure, wide receiver (3.0+ gpa)
jeovanni "jeo" henley, defensive back (3.3 gpa)
jaderian "jd" jones, defensive tackle (3.4 gpa)
amaziah siale, offenive lineman (3.0+ gpa)
josh bunni, offensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
rahzario (zo) edwards, tight end (3.0+ gpa)
elyjah staples, linebacker (4.2 gpa)
dane weber, quarterback (3.8 gpa)
duvay williams, corner/nickel back (3.2 gpa)
jaxsen stokes, running back (3.7 gpa)
miles isaac schirmer, defensive lineman (3.5 gpa)
antwon "aj" sanders iii, running back (3.0+ gpa)
charles "spida" davis iii, wideout (3.0+ gpa)
myles baker, safety (3.7 gpa)
troy bowens, edge defender (3.7 gpa)
blake gunter, wide receiver (4.0 gpa)
zach brien, kicker (3.8 gpa)
gunnar perry, linebacker (3.7 gpa)
giovanni hodge, edge defender (4.0 gpa)

2026 class:

david bird, longsnapper (4.0 gpa)
jacob johnson, punter (3.1 gpa)
sosaia noa, tight end (3.0+ gpa)
roger vaderhoef, offensive lineman (3.5 gpa)
rico walker, tight end (3.1 gpa)
aj tuitele, linebacker (3.0 gpa)
joshua pierce, edge defender (3.5 gpa)
jayden williams, defensive line (3.1 gpa)
kamar mothudi, inside linebacker (3.3 gpa)
ricky "trenches" fletcher, defensive back (3.3 gpa)
jericho johnson, defensive tackle (3.0+ gpa)
emmanuel okoye, edge defender (strong student from nigeria)
jackson brosseau, quarterback (3.96 gpa)
angus davies, punter (honor roll student from australia)
daniel harris, cornerback (3.1 gpa)
ashton rivera, offensive lineman (3.7 gpa)
kahlee tafai, offensive lineman (3.15 gpa)
ashun shepphard, defensive line (3.0+ gpa)
cooper perry, wide receiver (4.1 gpa)
towns mcgough, kicker (4.0 gpa)
marquis "mgk" groves-killebrew (3.3 gpa)
justin beadles, defensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
tristan jernigan, inside linebacker (3.0+ gpa)
jimothy lewis jr, offensive tackle (3.4 gpa)
michael hurst jr, safety (3.0+ gpa)
chase hendricks, wide receiver (3.21 gpa)
mykeal rabess, offensive lineman (3.68 gpa)
carter vargas, running back (3.2 gpa)
ashten emory, running back (3.7 gpa)
dorian thomas, tight end (3.6 gpa)
adam mohammed, running back (3.5 gpa)
kingston lopa, defensive back (3.0 gpa)
ian strong, wide receiver (3.75 gpa)
jacob arop, offensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
solomon williams, edge defender (3.0+ gpa)
niles davis, athlete (3.71 gpa)
daniel mcmorris, offensive tackle (3.8 gpa)
kai meza, wide receiver (3.6 gpa)
tyree "reekus" sams, wide receiver (3.3 gpa)
kamo'i huihui-white, offensive lineman (3.9 gpa)
nainoa lopes, quarterback (3.57 gpa)
kingston "lucky" schirmer, defensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
esaiah wong, offensive lineman (3.0+ gpa)
frank fauna jr, defensive lineman (4.0 gpa)
emmanuel "ej" morgan, wide receiver/kick returner (4.3 gpa)
taimane purcell, tight end (3.9 gpa)
nemyah telona, defensive lineman (3.0+ gpa)
victor santino, running back (3.0+ gpa)
elisha faamatuainu, offensive lineman (3.0+ gpa)
jaxon pyatt, linebacker (3.4 gpa)
jonathan mckinley, linebacker (4.83 gpa)

2025 class (all former walk ons are now on schollys, CONGRATS!!):

aaron hampton, inside linebacker (3.4 gpa)
jordan king, wide receiver (4.38 gpa)
alonzo esparza, quarterback (4.0 gpa)
belay brummell, quarterback (3.95 gpa)
carson perry-smith, wide receiver (4.1 gpa)
jayden parker, running back (4.16 gpa)
isaac torres, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
mayze bryant, defensive back (3.5 gpa)
jordan franke, longsnapper (3.81 gpa)
dean taylor-chapman, running back (4.0 gpa)
tobey weydemuller, defensive back (3.92 gpa)
jude mclellan, outside linebacker (3.9 gpa)
nate escalada, defensive back (4.23 gpa)
michael cooley, outside linebacker (3.0 gpa)
ewan arechaederra, longsnapper (3.6 gpa)
lucas vanderlind, inside linebacker (4.2 gpa)
bj jones, inside linebacker (3.55 gpa)
sam bjerke, offensive lineman (3.9 gpa)
cole bosica, wide receiver (4.1 gpa)
myles reber, wide receiver (3.75 gpa)
jeffrey johnson, tight end (3.7 gpa)
jack olyphant, tight end (3.72 gpa)
rj stephens, defensive lineman (3.77 gpa)
dru polidore jr, safety (3.75 gpa)
michael kern, punter (3.4 gpa)
landon morris, tight end (3.7 gpa)
jayden dixon-veal, wide receiver (2.9 gpa)
lj johnson, running back (3.7 gpa)
abram murray, kicker (4.0 gpa)
brent "paco" austin, corner/nickel (3.3 gpa)
jordan sanford, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
harrison taggart, linebacker (3.9 gpa)
chase meyer, kicker (4.3 gpa)
mark hamper, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
zae smith, defensive tackle (3.37 gpa)
daveion harley, offensive lineman (3.36 gpa)
kendrick raphael, running back (3.8 gpa)
quimari shemwell, corner/nickel back (3.0+ gpa)
brandon high jr, running back (3.3 gpa)
rino monteforte, longsnapper (4.0 gpa)
tj bush, edge defender (3.3 gpa)
quaron adams, wide receiver (3.0 gpa)
chris victor, edge defender (3.3 gpa)
jojo genova, offensive lineman (3.5 gpa)
erik peters, kicker (3.9 gpa)
devin brown, quarterback (4.4 gpa)
dazmin james, wide receiver (2.6 gpa)
justin hasenhuetl, interior offensive lineman (3.75 gpa)
jacob de jesus, wide receiver/kick returner (3.67 gpa)
caleb johnston, longsnapper (3.5 gpa)
simon mapa, tight end (3.47 gpa)
mason mini, tight end (3.8 gpa)
john gayer, edge defender (2.8 gpa)
jordon moko, offensive line (3.8 gpa)
jayden wayne, edge defender (4.0 gpa)
brook honoree jr, punter (3.8 gpa)
dominic ingrassia, quarterback (3.2 gpa)
jaron keawe sagapolutele, quarterback (3.75 gpa)
buom jock, inside linebacker (3.1 gpa)
leon bell, offensive tackle (3.1 gpa)
tristan dunn, safety (3.0 gpa)
lamar robinson, offensive guard (3.5 gpa)
tyson ruffins, interior offensive lineman (3.8 gpa)
lajuan owens, left tackle (3.2 gpa)
hezekiah masses, corner/nickel (2.7 gpa)
kyle cunanan, kicker (3.73 gpa)
tyson ford, defensive lineman (3.4 gpa)
odera okaka, edge defender (3.3 gpa)
john tofi jr, edge defender (3.8 gpa)
aiden manutai, safety (4.0 gpa)
tre' harrison, safety (4.83 gpa)
mike klisiewicz, offensive lineman (3.7 gpa)
jacob houseworth, tight end (3.15 gpa)
jae'on young, corner/nickel back (3.4 gpa)
lebron williams, defensive end (3.2 gpa)
beckham barney, inside linebacker (4.2 gpa)
anthony league, running back (3.9 gpa)
ikechukwu okafor, edge defender (3.7 gpa)
ben howard, offensive guard (3.2 gpa)
meyer swinney, hybrid wide receiver/tight end (3.75 gpa)
kaden cook, cornerback (3.4 gpa)

2024 class:

will mcdonald, left guard (3.5 gpa)
cheikhsaliou fall, edge defender (3.3 gpa)
cj harris, quarterback (3.5 gpa)
serigne tounkara, edge defender (3.88 gpa)
kyion graves, wide receiver (3.3 gpa)
ryan yaites, safety (3.2 gpa)
jasiah wagoner, corner/nickel back (3.25 gpa)
tj bollers, edge defender (4.0 gpa)
corey dyches, hybrid tight end/wide receiver (3.1 gpa)
braden miller, offensive tackle (4.0 gpa)
liam johnson, inside linebacker (3.36 gpa at princeton)
khamani hudson, cornerback (3.5 gpa)
bobby engstler, punter/kicker (3.72 gpa)
jonathan "gameday" brady, wide receiver (3.2 gpa)
mikey miller, wide receiver (3.8 gpa)
victor stoffel, offensive tackle (motivated student in sweden)
kadarius calloway, running back (2.7 gpa)
ryan coe, kicker (3.5 gpa)
tobias merriweather, wide receiver (3.6 gpa)
ja'ir smith, defensive back (3.0+ gpa)
syris corley, offensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
rush reimer, offensive lineman (3.3 gpa)
marcus harris, defensive back (3.2 gpa)
aidan ikaika keanaaina, defensive tackle (4.0 gpa)
aiden newbill, offensive line (3.72 gpa)
isaiah crosby, safety (3.0+ gpa)
luke ferrelli, inside linebacker (4.0 gpa)
chandler rogers, quarterback (3.3 gpa)
teddye buchanan, inside linebacker (3.5 gpa)
josiah martin, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
jack endries, tight end (3.83 gpa)
trond grizzell, wide receiver (3.8 gpa)
bj canady, defensive tackle (3.91 gpa)
legend journey, apex predator edge defender (3.3 gpa)
ej caminong, quarterback (3.5 gpa)
dayton "dayday" aupiu, defensive back (3.51 gpa)
jamaal wiley, running back (2.75 gpa)
trevor rogers, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
michael-anthony okwura, defensive lineman (3.4 gpa)
eze osondu, inside linebacker (3.5 gpa)
brookyln cheek, defensive back (2.9 gpa)
camden jones, tight end (2.7 gpa)
tyler knape, offensive line (3.8 gpa)

2023 class:
barrett miller, offensive lineman (4.2 hs gpa & stanford mechancial engineering degree)
taj davis, wide receiver (3.2 gpa)
king doerue, running back (3.5 gpa)
isaiah ifanse, running back (3.2 gpa at montana state)
marcus scott ii, cornerback (3.3 gpa at missouri)
tidiane "frenchy" jalloh (motivated student from france)
matthew wykoff, offensive tackle (3.75 gpa)
marquez "mojo" dortch, wide receiver (2.9 gpa)
ben finley, quarterback (4.308 gpa)
patrick mcmorris, safety (3.65 gpa)
david bird, longsnapper (4.0 gpa)
marquis montgomery, wide receiver (3.4 gpa)
martin tine, offensive tackle (2.9 gpa)
stanley mckenzie, nose tackle (3.3 gpa)
david reese, outside linebacker (3.7 gpa)
sam jackson v, quarterback (2.8 gpa)
brian hightower, wide receiver (3.2 gpa)
justin williams-thomas aka j-will, running back (4.0 gpa)
asher alberding, tight end (3.85 gpa)
jt byrne, tight end (3.75 gpa)
lachlan wilson, punter (strong student from australia)
byron caldwell, running back (3.3 gpa)
sergio allen, inside linebacker (3.4 gpa)
matt littlejohn, defensive back (3.0 gpa)
jaivian "the jet" thomas, running back (3.4 gpa)
nohl williams, defensive back (3.61 gpa)
kaylin moore, defensive back (3.4 gpa)
frederick williams iii, offensive line (3.6 gpa)
zurich ashford, defensive end (3.62 gpa)
ben marshall, tight end (3.4 gpa)
ryan mcculloch, outside linebacker (4.1 gpa)
tiumalu afalava, defensive line (4.1 gpa)
cade uluave, inside linebacker (3.85 gpa)
sailasa vadrawale, defensive back (3.46 gpa)
nyziah hunter, wide receiver (2.7 gpa)
nick morrow, offensive tackle (3.7 gpa)
michael luckhurst, kicker (4.37 gpa)



wow, that was quite the introduction, doechii, we're gonna have to talk after class...don't forget to take the chicken out

https://instagr.am/p/DAb8NtkBYtv
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In reply to BearForceOne • 4:48a, 6/12/26
BearForceOne said:
Let's keep the juice flowing!

forcey, them parties at coach lou richie's getting risky (and we didn't make it thru the hurricane with the betrayal)!!





the day the earth stopped turning on its axis at the ol' yeller cafe (and a daughter & her dumb azz dad screamed, danced & cried until we wuz outta tears and we knew every word he said wuz true kinda like them beautiful diamonds shining bright in the sky)!!#
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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 6:07a, 6/12/26
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:
2027 high school recruiting update:


the staff is targeting fast ascending 6'45" 215 lbs with 4.55 laser SPEED tight end jamie spurgeon from minarets high school (previously attended clovis east high school)...jamie wuz a lightly recruited quarterback until he made the position switch to a nightmare matchup te1...and most importantly he got good hair (unlike the bears head coach)!!


spurgeon is +1 athletic & can also go yard on the baseball diamond (and also clocked with a 92 mph fastball)!!


the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and a 3 hour drive for the fam on fall gamedays from oneals to memorial stadium)

UPDATE: spurgeon (4.5 laser 40) has narrowed it down to cal (june 5-7th official visit) and wildly academically inferior & impossible for the fam to get to to lubbock on fall gameday mornings without a private jet texas tech (june 19-21st)

jamie, u gotta opportunity to build GENERATIONAL WEALTH both on the field with NFL development & in the classrooms of berkeley or u can roll the dice (if u get stacked up on the raiders 3/4 deep oil money purchased te depth chart via the transfer portal every season or if u get injured, ur kinda ******) at texas tech and potentially end up cleaning restrooms at buc-ee's when ur 30 years old

50 year decision (don't be a dumb azz)#


UPDATE: congrats to jamie (unreal .512 season batting average/.921 slugging average) on leading his mustangs to a cali state championship!!

spurgeon is gonna reschedule his official visit to berkeley for this weekend & is feeling the spida man NEW day in berkeley momentum!!

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In reply to Shocky1 • 6:18a, 6/12/26
Shocky1 said:
2027 high school recruiting update:


the staff is prioritizing 2 way football/hoops star 6'1" 185 lbs corner/nickel kamil loud jr from powerhouse bishop gorman high school in las vegas


kamil loud sr played for them san louis obispo mustangs & got drafted by the buffalo bills, he's a great parent as evidenced by him taking his fam to bears games at memorial stadium starting at age 6 raising them in the bay area (richmond) back in the day!!


kamil is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 3.7 gpa

go mustangs (to the morro bay golf course & then the madonna inn for an early dinner)!!#

UPDATE: the loud family is gonna officially trip back to the bay on june 11-14th!!

wut up kamil??

did u ask billy belichick if he's a big fan or blue strips or something??

make sure u get over to haas pavilion this weekend & get some shots up, got it??

go bares!!
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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 6:45a, 6/12/26

^ this is not the zero twitch footwork of last season's starting tackle leon "moving in concrete" bell who wuz yawning/disinterested like many of his mute teammates during the lethargic & eerily quiet pre game warm ups at snapdragon stadium with the emotionally unavailable head coach nowhere in sight & the assistant coaches incapable of getting the team fired up for an inevitable (not surprising to the monster) nighttime/nightmare ****show 0-34 beatdown in so cal

a spida man brand NEW day in berkeley (friends/superheroes converging in cali)!!#

cal poly-berkeley=mama's fish house on the 9th island
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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 6:57a, 6/12/26

have FAITH, it always works out#
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Shocky1
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7:12a, 6/12/26
2027 high school recruiting update:


brody, as u make the short drive (curious if u have priced out non stop direct sameday back & forth flights from sacramento to provo & salt lake city for fall/winter gamedays??) with the fam from folsom to the spectacular san francisco bay area for this weekend's official visit to the #1 ranked public university in the WORLD just remember to remain humble & don't remind rolo that u not only got a higher gpa (4.0) but ur also a much better golfer than him, u feel me??

and don't be telling jeo that ur faster than him or telling kamil u can beat his azz in h-o-r-s-e or telling alius u got a higher vertical jump than him or telling jaime that u got more bat speed than him or telling miles that u got better muzak beats than him, got it??

just be urself brody!!


ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE: this is the 9th consecutive post by shocky, he cannot post again unless there is monster reader posts/engagement per the rules of the bearinsider.com
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swan
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9:14a, 6/12/26
Go Bears
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Shocky1
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3:35p, 6/12/26
2026 canadian open: 2nd round update


^ the monster's favorite phrase on the golf course (which also doubles as his #1 reaction when watching ryan longwell coached field goal special teams) is "**** me!!"

collin morikawa (65, tied for 29th): absolute unreal ******* ball striking stripeshow hitting 16 outta 18 greens in regulation (and one of the misses wuz inches off the green in the frog hair), luv how collin brought in caddie mark urbanek for the confirmation read on the drained birdie putt on the par 4 10th hole...real talk: morikawa's game is ready to compete for the title at next week's us open at shinnecock hills!!

max homa (67, tied for 29th): when max drives the ball accurately (10 outta 14 fairways) & rolls in 97 feet of putts good **** is gonna happen, our cali bear finished 4 under par in his final 5 holes including a downwind 413 yard MONSTER drive on the par 5 18th hole...real talk: homa is in as good a shape as anyone on tour along with australian adam scott & is hitting the ball further than at any other point in his life (and this is why the cute/adorable undersized cal men's golf team needs to track their daily protein grams & relentlessly hit the gym building mass/muscle, neither of which is happening right now)!!

look, all the bears pga & college bears read this **** and make no mistake about it the greatest HONOR for any cal golfer is the monster playing "love's theme" in recognition of world class play...yeah max (career earnings on & off the course just south of $50,000,000) & collin (career earnings just south of $100,000,000) this song is for you, **** the green jackets/claret jugs & ****!!


^ cal's monster class note: the original barry white version is reserved for championships like my brah z winning the acc individual title (and not taking it low in the 2nd round of the canadian open, we got strict standards that must be upheld)!!

it's a GREAT day to be a bear (unless u snap hook ur drive on the downhill scoreable par 4 10th hole at indian valley, rite rolo??)#
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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 7:27p, 6/12/26
Shocky1 said:
https://instagr.am/p/DZBhaUrkdku
WELCOME all 6 official visitors this weekend to Bear Territory!!

In order to receive ur room keys at the Claremont and a FREE 32 oz green juice that will facilitate excellent gut health and pooping like a race horse kinda like Leidy and Shocky u must 1st complete the following 2027 California Golden Bear questionnaire:
____________________________________________________________________

OFFICIAL CAL FOOTBALL 2027 RECRUITING QUESTIONNAIRE:

Wut's ur name?

Do u got a nickname or wut does ur moms call u?

Wut's ur GPA?
Note: if u got a **** GPA ur not going nowhere, do not continue completing this form

Wut's ur electronically timed 40 SPEED?
Note: if u got a **** 40 ur not going nowhere, do not continue completing this form

If ur from Cali wut's the total travel dollar savings on fall gamedays for ur fam vs going to skool outta state?

If ur from Texas wut is ur Buc-ee's membership #?

If ur from Hawaii how do u get a FREE parking space at Mama's Fish House?

If ur from Nevada where's the best place in Las Vegas to get a signed foto with Elvis?

If ur from Ohio how many times did u eat at White Castle in the last 12 months?

If ur from Mississippi do u know Jessie Murph and if so has she invited u to her house in Malibu?

If ur from Utah what's ur favorite hiking trail at Arches National Park?

If ur from Arizona what's the best desert at the Chandler Fashion Square Cheesecake Factory?

Is ur Dream School a low rent academic school located in a truck stop town with lot lizards with CFM pumps & STDS that gets violent tornados every spring?

How important is Berkeley's ranking as the #1 rated public school in the WORLD in ur final decision on a scale of 1 to 10?

Yes or No: R u aware that curvy brunette yoga females (CBYF1s) with triggering PONYTAILS wanna date & marry Berkeley, Stanford & Ivy Leagues when they enter the REAL WORLD that unremorsefully favors the well educated in building GENERATIONAL WEALTH?

Wut's ur favorite position?
Note: do NOT send any fotos (we do NOT want to see that ****)

R u wanted on any felonies (wanted in 2 states, can't move wrong) or do u got multiple baby mamas?

Do u luv rescue doggy dogs & do u help old women cross the street?

R u planning to make fun of Coach Lup & his 3 Stooges trim?

Did u know that mushrooms are a vegetable?

R u a substitute yoga teacher at Modern Yoga?


wut up jeo & miles, will u plz do me a solid & get alius, jamie, kamil and brody to complete the 2027 berkeley bears prospect questionnaire & return it to monsterloseurazz.com??


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Shocky1
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8:34p, 6/12/26
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Dwight Way
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8:53p, 6/12/26

GO BEARS!
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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 2:27a, 6/13/26
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:
2027 high school recruiting update:


the staff is targeting fast ascending 6'45" 215 lbs with 4.55 laser SPEED tight end jamie spurgeon from minarets high school (previously attended clovis east high school)...jamie wuz a lightly recruited quarterback until he made the position switch to a nightmare matchup te1...and most importantly he got good hair (unlike the bears head coach)!!


spurgeon is +1 athletic & can also go yard on the baseball diamond (and also clocked with a 92 mph fastball)!!


the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and a 3 hour drive for the fam on fall gamedays from oneals to memorial stadium)

UPDATE: spurgeon (4.5 laser 40) has narrowed it down to cal (june 5-7th official visit) and wildly academically inferior & impossible for the fam to get to to lubbock on fall gameday mornings without a private jet texas tech (june 19-21st)

jamie, u gotta opportunity to build GENERATIONAL WEALTH both on the field with NFL development & in the classrooms of berkeley or u can roll the dice (if u get stacked up on the raiders 3/4 deep oil money purchased te depth chart via the transfer portal every season or if u get injured, ur kinda ******) at texas tech and potentially end up cleaning restrooms at buc-ee's when ur 30 years old

50 year decision (don't be a dumb azz)#


UPDATE: congrats to jamie (unreal .512 season batting average/.921 slugging average) on leading his mustangs to a cali state championship!!

spurgeon is gonna reschedule his official visit to berkeley for this weekend & is feeling the spida man NEW day in berkeley momentum!!





the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (including o'neals, coachella & yountville)
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Shocky1
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10:58a
2027 high school recruiting update:


sam, love ur FUN energy in this content but kinda hoping u & mike had the air conditioner on level 17 cuz the nasty azz weather today in low rent truck stop town tallahassee is 94 degrees with humidity (not exactly cali weather)!!

r u aware of the following facts??

1) the average gpa of the 2027 seminoles class is gonna be around 2.5, ur potential teammates r basically dumb as **** so hopefully they play good football otherwise they gonna be ****** working as the assistant manager at the local waffle house cleaning backed up toilets for 20 bucks an hour at age 30

2) according to the newly incorporated monsterloseurazz.com the sports book betting odds of norvell still being the head coach after this season are 16.86% after losing 17 games the last 2 seasons (that **** will not fly in tallahassee)

shocky's mike norvell story: as part of his wildly successful rescue doggy dog rescue fundraising efforts in maricopa county (there are 15 billionaires in arizona, schulzy had played golf with 11 of them including ernie garcia ii, ernie garcia iii, jahm najafi, bob parsons, bennett dorrance, peter sperling, artie moreno, etc) the monster attended an asu sun angel recruiting event for high net worth donors back in the day

anyways coach todd graham is introducing all the assistant coaches which is the equivalent of 2 melatonins when he gets to mike norvell & suddenly gets really excited exclaiming "if you think coach norvell can't recruit check out his wife!!" & makes her stand up (clearly against her will)...room is dead silent, haha (shocky is snorting like a horsey horse that needs to poop!!)

the other assistant coach wives (who have not been introduced) are obviously mad as **** & their husbands can't wait to get the **** outta there, they know it's gonna be a long car ride home back to the house, good times in tempe!!

forks up (with mike norvell)!!#

https://instagr.am/p/C0p9PFJub7E
^ real talk: low gpa cbyf1s from academically mediocre schools like florida state (and lsu, auburn) wanna date & marry berkeley, stanford & ivy league grads when they enter the real world that unremorsefully favors the well educated in building generational wealth...sam, just ask ur prom date southern belle jessie murph (who is wearing a kinda goofy azz oversized wig in this video) where she really wants to live brah, got it??


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Shocky1
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1:32p
2026 what not to wear canadian open: 3rd round update

https://instagr.am/p/DZKYxt4h1Ut
max homa (67, tied for 20th): homa showed up wearing a zippy the pinhead blue & white polka dot shirt that lacey (or maybe pappageorge) paid 5 bucks for in the remaindered bin of the bozo the clown clothing store on mcdowell & 62th street

as for the golf, max's game is 100% trending in the right direction with an epic eagle 3 on the par 5 1st hole & an innovative/soft hands 16 outta 21 scrambling up & downs this week...just gotta fit the driver into a couple more fairways (missed 8 outta 14 fairways today) tomorrow to finish with 4 rounds in the 60s at a national open!!

collin morikawa (68, tied for 23rd): morikawa showed up wearing baggy azz loose fitting slacks from the sears summer grandpa collection, go aarp!!

the highlight of the round wuz a near ace to a couple of inches for a kick in birdie on the par 3 11th hole but like his fellow golden bear also missed 8 outta 14 fairways...with the 2026 us open at shinnecock hills next week, collin gotta tighten up the driver dispersion manana



fun fact: shocky never wears underwear, socks, belts, watches, necklaces, bracelets or rings (clothes r for losers) & this (along with lacking a ponytail & any visible tattoos) has resulted in him being unfairly evaluated by modern yoga as a substitute yoga teacher17 (syt17), **** me!!
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