https://www.instagram.com/gabriella_ella_ella_eh/reel/C92v86ov_SH/


https://www.instagram.com/gabriella_ella_ella_eh/reel/C92v86ov_SH/

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https://instagr.am/p/DKkLWcgOTLq

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https://www.youtube.com/user/calathletics\

https://instagr.am/p/B1EytPFAvqi

Amish people and heroin. #Pennsylvania, you’ve just been judged! https://t.co/8TcAmEOIF4 #JudgmentalMaps pic.twitter.com/KF2kBQnTbG

— Judgmental Maps (@judgmentalmaps) August 4, 2017

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/af/57/83/af578399fd1c4753d4ce7cb20c2e9926

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https://instagr.am/p/Ca3JOw3LnQD

My first day at work as a trainer😂😂 pic.twitter.com/GtsIduaG43

— The Wolf Man (@iTheWolfman) May 20, 2026

https://www.instagram.com/stories/highlights/17898123008810124/

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"GO MOTHERFUCKING BEARSSSSSSSSSSS"#GoBears #Calgorithm pic.twitter.com/eSRLf6VqSV

— Carter 🧀 (@crtrwisc) October 18, 2025

^ this is the FUTURE of the cal football fanbase (and this market segment will be grown if FREE tixs are INCLUSIVELY offered by ron rivera & rich lyons to all berkeley students for the upcoming virginia & smu games at memorial stadium)!!

when shocky is creating content he often thinks/imagines his targeted audience during the process, all it really takes to spark a flame is a couple of sideways glances & a smile (and of course retying ur ponytails is the most triggering non verbal cue on planet earth)

yeah it's true curvy brunette yoga females with smokeshow ponytails from academically mediocre schools like asu, oregon & oklahoma state wanna date & marry berkeley, stanford & ivy league grads when they enter the real world which unremorsefully favors the well educated in building generational wealth while discarding low gpa dumb *****



back in the day shocky got his heart broken in the unilateral termination of his quest to help cal basketball win a national championship but looking back now there are lifelong bonds/relationships that wuz forged that will stand the test of time even after the basketball stopped bouncing...now the monster thinks coach wilson & coach ireland are putting together the building blocks (talking about you mon ami callixte) to build a men's golf national championship program in berkeley (but that **** is NOT gonna happen unless these guys start getting yoga/meditation practices & counting their daily protein grams like pga golfers)

look the point is that the future is unknowable, nobody knows how the **** **** is gonna play out including this upcoming friday nite's critical football game further afar in blacksburg against a virginia tech squad that got nothing to lose...and the FUN part of life is experiencing 1st hand life's adventures!!

yeah we may get walked to our car & maybe even never leave home without a parachute when our feelings get hurt but that's ******* life & that don't mean we shouldn't all be hopeful for the future, got it??



real talk: ^ in the final cut out they are staring at each other lips, they can't wait for the scene to be over so they can start kissing each other!!

where's the ******* ring (life is NOT linear)??#

sig test

https://instagr.am/p/DNVGa0iofFj

https://instagr.am/p/DN3U1oq4kYr
cal's monster class best advice for berkeley freshman:

if ur gonna have late nite naked azz yoga with a very flexible curvy brunette yoga female from national city at evans diamond (because both of u got ******* roommates that r always ******* around & don't give u no privacy or something) make sure u use the 3rd base dugout wall which is less visible than the 1st base dugout to anyone who might be looking out the window at haas arena & don't let ur heart get broken when she walks u to the car forevah telling u that she still loves u but also telling u the lame sorry azz excuse that's she flunking outta berkeley & gotta focus on her academics and then despite all of that unfair devastation to u she finds time 2 years later to pose in playboy's girls of the pac 10 with her airport landing strip in full view for everybody on planet earth which u learn about while stuffing ur face with a pineapple & ham pizza slice at blondies on a tuesday afternoon prepping for ur next haas biz ad class



yeah shocky is a big fan of william faulkner



dreams & nightmares in beserkley (trauma is part of life & u will probably survive)#

https://instagr.am/p/DM7Psl3Nh_O

https://instagr.am/p/Cumy9ucsfhP
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scholly roster math right now: 37 new additions & 31 departing bears

keep in mind there are walk ons such as aaron hampton who are gonna earn schollys in 2025 as the ncca phases out the walk ons & increases the scholly roster max from 85 to 105 tho the staff is still targeting 85+++++ schollys for the fall season & not the ncca max

?w=580

Berkeley game pic.twitter.com/vd5EyehuJx

— Reese Adams (@ReeseAdams76102) October 22, 2025

cal's monster class OFFICIAL 2026 cal football schedule ranking (based upon rosters today):

1) smu (in dallas): well coached physical team with an elite qb1 kevin jennings who is a top 3 qb in the acc...rb1 tj harden is outta eligibility but the backups actually got more breakaway speed than him...defensively the graduations of leading tacklers s1s ahmaad moses (91 tackles) & isaiah nwokobia (80 tackles) could be an issue for the ponys...a plus for the bears is that low key racist smu (which dakota dickson is gonna find out about this summer) is not supported by the dallas community outside of its grads which means the gamedays really aren't that loud/hostile as gerald j ford stadium got more luxury boxes than probably any other college stadium which puts out a country club cocktail hour vibe (that's actually kinda disinterested in the game going on in the background)

2) byu (september 12th in provo): qb1 bear bachmeier & rb1 lj martin (1305 yards) lead a physical cougs (11-2 this season) offense that are very formidable at home with an electric atmosphere...jks will be able to attack a good but not great byu defense

3) north carolina state (in raleigh): qb1 cj bailey (2884 yards passing with an unreal 69.6% completion accuracy) is a top 3 acc qb/low round nfl prospect but the miami native is gonna be tampered/solicited by hometown miami to return to south beach for his final season...this ranking could change with the early january transfer portal window

4) clemson (at memorial stadium): elite talent at every position but thankfully not at qb1 with cade klubnik & dabo is not a fan of the transfer portal...fully expect tigers fans to travel to the left coast for this acc battle royale

5) virginia (in charlottesville): yeah the cardiac kids cavs wuz 10-3 in 2025 but scoring points next season is gonna require an infusion of new talent with ice in his veins qb1 chandler morris (the paws of back in the day), 1000 yard rb j'mara taylor & wr1 trell harris (56 receptions for 809 yards) all outta eligibility

6) unlv (october 3rd in las vegas): rebels qb1 anthony colandrea is a threat both with his arm (3050 yards passing) & with his legs but the d gave up 30+ points 6 times in a successful 2025 (10-3)... fully expect the bears faithful (not the expired cal tv "fans") to travel in large numbers to check out allegiant stadium & cheer on jks in vegas baby!!

7) wake forest (at memorial stadium): the 8-4 deacons exceeded expectations in 2025 but will be without rb1 demond claiborne & qb1 robbie ashford when they travel 3000 miles to the left coast in 2026

8) virginia tech (at memorial stadium): the temps in berkeley won't be in the 30s like blacksburg & the hokies won't be able to run the same ******* option play 20+ times in the 2nd half without any ******* adjustments by the bears d staff



9) stanford (at memorial stadium): tosh is gonna make sure the bears are emotionally ready to play the 2026 big game against a rival opponent that lacks offensive firepower other than te1 sam roush

10) syracuse (in syracuse): the 3-9 orange got the worst offense in the acc in 2025, unless a legit qb1 is signed in the january transfer portal they are gonna struggle again moving the ball/scoring points but road games are always tricky/dangerous propositions

11) ucla (september 5th at memorial stadium): the opener for both teams if properly marketed will be a SELL OUT!!...the bruins lose most of their 2 deeps for both the offensive & defensive lines on a 3-9 2025 squad, if the bears can bury them westwood could be looking at a 10+ loss 2026 ****show

12) wagner seahawks (september 19th at memorial stadium): 5-7 against dogfood opponents in 2025, whose gonna be the bears qb2 next season??

what do you think, any adjustments??

california golden bears yucky blucky fruitcake classes (mr spieker not amused cuz he got worser seats):

doechii, why don't you introduce the yucky blucky fruitcakes to the class?

2026 class:

justin beadles, defensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
tristan jernigan, inside linebacker (3.0+ gpa)
jimothy lewis jr, offensive tackle (3.4 gpa)
michael hurst jr, safety (3.0+ gpa)
chase hendricks, wide receiver (3.21 gpa)
mykeal rabess, offensive lineman (3.68 gpa)