lockdown nickel & db room leader CAM SIDNEY has withdrawn from the portal & will be returning to berkeley!!
do u got ur tix(s) for the uc championship game vs ucla on september 5, 2026 at a soon to be (bruins fans are gonna buy tixs in large numbers) SOLD OUT memorial stadium??
eleonora is reporting that as part of her duties in covering the california golden bears football program that shocky is COMMITTING TO PLAY THE 2026 MASTERS this spring citing an unidentifiable source at modern yoga!!
https://instagr.am/p/CvVQHgWJzM3 this commitment has been retweeted by pete nakos & matt zenitz which means it must be true which has resulted in the clueless dumb azzs mizery/beastmode & cal sports illustrated reporting on this breaking NEWS as factual
reached for a comment the chairman of augusta national issued a terse "no comment, **** schulzie"
CONGRATS to the bears (10-8, 1-4 in conference) on this season's 1st acc victory & for not folding like a deck of cards from fatigue (which is embedded in this program's dna due to the restrictive playing rotation/player development) in the 4th quarter in outscoring the deacs 18-15
props to coach charmin smith on finally playing naya & sakima TOGETHER at the end of the 1st quarter, starting the 2nd quarter and most importantly during the critical last 5 minutes of the game when ojuwku went off for her 8 points to seal the deal...it's still no bueno that the team's most productive scorer with a 56.5% field goal percentage only played 17 minutes, the head coach needs to play both naya & sakima each 30+ mpg on next week's eastcoastie road trip to syracuse & boston college
yeah naya ojuwku is shocky's favorite basketball player these days (sorry jaylen) with her smiling RELENTLESS non stop MOTOR despite her height limitations as an ELITE 4 that can score buckets, pound & guard opposing 4s (as a former +1 athletic star volleyball player) & feed walker under the bucket (which wuz reciprocated by sakima on a beautiful lob entry pass)
searching for the truth (with the TWIN TOWERS on the floor at the same time)#
update: head coach postgame press conference comments
"We were really able to take advantage of the big lineup. That's something that I wish we would have tried a little bit more against Duke, with Sakima and Naya in the game. There was a shift being able to have those two in the game at the same time."
aidan keenaaina jayden dixon-veal jaiven plummer tyson ford (ucla) chase meyer (withdrawn) brook honore jr rino monteforte jordan spasojevic-moko jacob houseworth landon morris (wake forest) kendrick raphael (smu) braden miller (duke) cade uluave (byu) daz james ryan mcculloch (ucla) kaden cook eze osundu (utsa) daveion harley harrison taggart abram murray belay brummel ike okafor (washington state) cam sidney (withdrawn) lajuan owens luke ferrelli (clemson) nate burrell (withdrawn) devin brown (weber state) brandon high jr (utsa) tj bush (minnesota) nick morrow (kansas) michael kern leon bell ej caminong curlee thomas buom jock (wake forest)
young, dumb & broke (at age 30)#
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (for those that wanna do the hard work, this **** is NOT easy)
Best Universities in the World, 2024:
1.π¬π§ Oxford 2.πΊπΈ Stanford 3.πΊπΈ MIT 4.πΊπΈ Harvard 5.π¬π§ Cambridge 6.πΊπΈ Princeton 7.πΊπΈ California Institute of Technology 8.π¬π§ Imperial College London 9.πΊπΈ Berkeley 10.πΊπΈ Yale
Bottom line I bought a pair of tickets to our Sept 5th matchup with UCLA and can't wait to see our new team in action. Plan to buy into a couple more home games too.
hopefully old blues particularly cal's tv "fans" will make it to memorial stadium one final time before their costco cake melts in the dark because some dumb azz left the cake out in the ******* rain and the sweet green icing is flowing down on our chili top dogs even tho we're never gonna have this recipe again instead of just playing checkers in tilden park by the trees with other sad as **** negative lonely old men wearing striped pants on fall gamedays with seagulls circling high above from further afar
the battle for the 2026 uc system CHAMPIONSHIP game (is gonna be a SELL OUT because after all the loves of our life, memorial stadium will always be the one)!!#
upset, that's awesome u got ur tixs for the september 5, 2026 season opener at memorial stadium!!
fully expect this battle (the bruins could be starting 4 or 5 former bears) to be a SELL OUT with enthusiastic ucla fans after enduring 16 losses the last 2 seasons buying tixs in large numbers in this lupoi vs chesney new head coach show down!!
https://instagr.am/p/DQ0fkFrjCXv ^ real talk: the highlight on gamedays for bruins cheerleaders (including the bros, one is even cupping his hands to get the best view possible) is staring at johnson
oregon state transfer qb tristan ti'a loved his midweek visit to auburn ("best facilities" he's seen & that he can tell the "staff really cares about you" and that it's "stress free" at the tigers football offices) & he's gonna visit stanford this weekend
ti'a commits to auburn, honestly think after experiencing low key racist auburn (the campus social life centers around the all white greek system which is exclusionary of polys, blacks, etc) that's he's gonna be back in the portal again in january of 2027 & that's just sad to think that a bright young man is gonna throw away potential generational wealth building berkeley & stanford degrees for a **** future at age 30 (let's be real here, somebody gotta pick up the range balls/wash down the golf carts at poppy ridge wearing a beat up tigers hat)
anyways, this opens the door for the possibility of a still unsigned 4.4 gpa consummate team player/future d1 college head coach devin brown to run it back & earn his berkeley degree as qb2 (football is a violent sport, every qb2 on planet earth is one collision away from becoming the qb1)
as stated here multiple times 3.57 gpa nainoa lopes is the next great humble faith based oahu qb1 in berkeley & ideally he will blueshirt this fall while getting mentored by rolo, somerville, jks & brown in a very special quarterback room at memorial stadium
multiple ducks including all american jericho johnson are contemplating flying home for starting jobs & generational wealth building berkeley degrees!!
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (not just the united states & only an hour drive from suisun to memorial stadium for the fam on fall gamedays in the beautiful bay area)
if no one "cares" that ur making **** up, why r u even bothering to read the monster??
that makes no sense at all
noah jennings is gonna be a minnesota golden gopher, he did NOT commit to cal as falsely reported by clueless fans mizery/beastmode & multiple "insider" sources such as cal sports illustrated
not knowing gpas and their role as part of the berkeley admissions process or the status of signed nil contracts means there's a lotta FAKE NEWS out there in the quest for "reporting" commitments
Shocky, I'm a bit surprised to see ASU has lost another QB to LSU, this time it's Leavitt. He's considered one of the top transfer portal QB's this cycle. This comes after they lost Jayden Daniels. ASU seems to be a strong program with a good coach, do they have someone to replace Leavitt? It makes me appreciate Cal keeping JKS that much more...
glenn, dilly thinks kentucky portal transfer future qb1 cutter boley (that's a true deep south good ol white boy name) gotta high upside & after winning 19 games the last 2 seasons dilly got the valley energized with record setting nil fundraising & significant attendance growth on gamedays in tempe
asu gotta fundraising athletic director graham rossini (called to wish me a happy b-day last november) who successfully fundraises with his hair on fire kinda like the same way tosh recruits future bears 24/7/365...the difference between graham & cal's current co athletic worthless bureaucrat ****tards jay & jenny (the only athletic directors at any d1 college in the nation who don't have any social media) is day & night
https://instagr.am/p/C-WEicmBiHf coach tinker is working to finalize bringing auburn transfer (grew up near campus) 6' 200 lbs kicker towns mcgough (why do a lotta white boys in the deep south got porn sounding names??) who wuz a high school all american making an unreal 6 field goals over 50 yards!!
redshirted last season but wuz the starting kicker during our EPIC victory roadie (shocky & slim wadie played shoal creek and the new coore & crenshaw course at lake martin with multiple fuel/snack stops at buc-ees) at auburn making only 5 of 12 field goals in 2024 but 4 of the misses wuz 50+ yards
hopefully the 4.0 gpa mcgough is gonna apply to the haas undergrad biz school which is ranked #2 in the united states (only behind #1 wharton), he's NOT a dumb azz
welcome to the left coast, towns!!
shocky gives 2 thumbs up to this firecracker kicker who is someday gonna buy a mansion in malibu#
thx jamonit for the heads up, the above portal list will be updated
great news that there's gonna be a competition during 2026 spring ball for k1 & that the smart as **** 4.3 gpa chase is gonna earn a generational wealth building berkeley degree!!
We have received a copy of your recent lawsuit filed with Judge Mike Barth of the Maricopa County Supreme Court re: your concerns re: our most recent evaluation of you as a Substitute Yoga Teacher17, SYT17.
Guess what?
We're not gonna change ****.
But it is possible that if you get over your phobia of needles and get some ink on your ankle that we will consider a reevaluation of SYT16 but no guarantees, comprende?
And look it would help your cause if you would quit yelling "Let's ******* Go Mother******* Bears!!" before savannas, as you know the majority of your CBYF1 classmates are ASU (the #1 ranked stripper college in the United States) grads and we don't allow them to yell "Forks Up!!," so quit thinking your so ******* special and that you can do whatever the **** you want in life, that's not how **** works at Modern Yoga, got it?
See you at your noon flow class (fyi your automatic monthly credit card payment was rejected again, plz bring cash or something)!!
And no you cannot bring your "brah" WR1 QuaRon Adams as a guest until this late payment is resolved.
as a direct result of discriminatory dei behavior by master teacher anton at his 9:30 am modern yoga class this morning shocky is self filing (his golf buddy ambulance chaser dave hastings of hastings & hastings is too busy handing out FREE phoenix suns floor seats to nurses at the mayo clinic emergency room in exchange for personal injury lawsuit referrals but no worries schulzie aced his pre law class in berkeley back in the day & is well versed in legal doctrines such as inverse condensation and imminent domain) a complaint with the maricopa county supreme court re: his unacceptable actions
facts: anton gave the new student a cbyf1 with a ponytail (duh) 6 adjustments while shocky got ZERO adjustments, can u believe this ****??
WELCOME arizona transfer +1 athletic cornerback/special teams standout 6' 179 lbs marquis groves-killebrew aka mgk from north cobb high school in atlanta...marquis got 1 year of eligibility after stops outta high school at texas a&m (outta high school) & louisville
mgk is NOT a dumb azz, he wuz on the arizona college of humanities dean's list with distinction as an interdisciplinary studies major
and yeah according to whoseurbabydaddyancestry.com, former minnesota twins homerun slugger harmon killebrew got no familial blood to the bears newest addition to the defensive backfield/special teams rooms
the pittsburgh panthers qb1 during the 2024 traumatic ****show field goal fiasco at acrisure stadium in steel town wuz eli holstein who is a highly efficient game manager but got no nfl upside in the vertical downfield passing attack...holstein wuz injured early in 2025 & got replaced by the then pitt qb2
now eli has transferred to them virginia tech cavaliers & could be the qb1 when the bears travel to charlottesville this fall
the current qb1 heir apparent for a virginia tech hokies team squad that will travel to the left coast to face cal is high upside north carolina transfer bryce baker who dnp in 2025 as a true fresman
and north carolina's undersized gia lopez will be facing the bears again as wake forest's qb1 when the deacs fly 3000 miles to berkeley in acc competition
top 3 qb in the acc (along with jks & smu's kevin jennings) north carolina state's qb1 cj bailey flirted with his hometown miami (the best program in the acc) but opted to stay in raleigh which will make cal's roadie to the carolinas this fall a dangerous test
meanwhile stanford qb1 elijah brown (another game manger level talent) looked like john "dui horseface" elway during the 2025 big game thx to cal's amateur hour co defensive coordinators, now elijah is in the transfer portal
fun fact: back when cal's monster class wuz recruiting adam mohammed then apollo high school vice principal kevin galbreath (former asu star running back built kinda like barry sanders) tole me that one of his responsibilities included keeping students moving in the hallways between classes to ensure their on time arrivals & that the always outgoing with new hair coloring every month 3.5 gpa adam wuz a pain in the azz always tryna talk up his female classmates well after the bell & blown vice principal whistles!!
brah is shifty with NFL SPEED, the return of the PITCHOUTS in berkeley!!#
https://instagr.am/p/DO4t5tLDV1X ducks ELITE defensive tackle 6'6" 336 lbs tionne gray from hazelwood central high school in st louis is gonna take an official visit to notre dame on thursday & then visit one other school with cal, clemson, missouri & nebraska vying for his final trip before tionne makes a final decision shortly thereafter...gray got 3 years of remaining eligibility
keep in mind that berkeley's 1st day of classes for the spring 2026 semester is tuesday january 20th which is a critical deadline for undergraduate students (there's a little bit of wiggly room for later arrivals with the grad certificate programs)
why would anybody wanna live in level 7 hypothermia freezing azz cold weather when they could live in cali??#
rickie fowler (2.5 gpa at oklahoma state) with an ice in his veins match winning putt (against the tiger/homa team, max's swing and most importantly the driver looks terrific with wonderful relaxed rhythm) with his 4.0 gpa berkeley grad cbyf1 wife allison (who married my poly fellow hopa/hopa brah rickie in a pathetic attempt to make me jealous) cheering him on!!
Took a chance on Dara in 2023 and aiβd do it again. We got him to his best home in the middle of fall camp 2025. @coachspearson did a tremendous job in a short amount of time helping @WavveyDA develop into a legitimate D1 offensive linemen. Heβs barely scratched the surface! https://t.co/5LHhIR9SJV
still not fully polished (relatively new to football) bucknell transfer +1 athletic 6'8" 300 lb offensive lineman dara adeyemi is on the staff's radar for a potential actionable offer/official visit...adeyemi got 2 years of remaining eligibility
https://instagr.am/p/DTVnflmlraa forcey, a complicating factor which is frustrating not only for jacob but also the staff is that jc eligibility requests must be first appealed thru the player's junior college (modesto jc in this case) via the cccaa (and the njcaa for tank "que" mcbroom) and then the 4 year school (cal for de jesus) which adds a whole another level of byzantine bureaucracy to an already inefficient system
FREE JACOB (get him off no man's island so he can support mimi & his family)!!#
