2027 high school recruiting update:

NEWS: DL Segun Alexander made headlines recently when reclassified up to 2027. His phone has been blowing up and he’s locked in five OVs.

The latest: https://t.co/BiJ4FidLNS pic.twitter.com/R6mJ5uvMnN

— ChadSimmons (@ChadSimmons_) May 24, 2026

coach lup & the staff are prioritizing unreal +1 athletic destructive defensive lineman seegun alexander/shaggy from rabun gap high school in liburn georgia (half an hour from downtown atlanta)

2028 DL Segun Alexander @__segun__ with the rep in 1-on-1s earlier at Rabun Gap’s College Coaches Social.

Alexander’s recruitment has continued to take off after a great sophomore season. He has offers from Florida State, Tennessee, Georgia Tech and more. pic.twitter.com/cjVZ4CUEs0

— Wesley Branch (@Wesley__Branch) January 28, 2026

seegun is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 3.5 gpa and is on track to complete high school in only 3+ years!!

yeah only 1 of shaggy's official trips finalists is in cali on the left coast in the land of palm trees & the pacific ocean, is it time for young mr alexander to have an adventure??



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and not a football factory that exploits its disposable gladiators)

Shocky1 said:

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KABBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!

shocky taught his 1st class today as a substitute yoga teacher when master teacher anton got a mysterious message (ip address from the new buc-ee's in buckeye arizona with a grand opening of june 22nd) advising him that the 4:15 pm modern yoga class wuz cancelled & the shockster graciously filled in!!

additionally after being originally being unfairly evaluated (which wuz kinda ruining schulzy's whole life!!) as a substitute yoga teacher17 (syt17) by the modern yoga management, he's now been upgraded to syt16, yeah the monster is taking the victory!!

it's a great day to be a bear (roaRRRRRRRR)!!#

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Dear Mr. Shocky,

How are you?

We are NOT fine.

It has been brought to our attention that at your first (and maybe last) substitute teaching yoga class at Modern Yoga that before class when a curvy brunette yoga female (CBYF1) posed a philosophical question about life that you responded with "STFU, just STFU, pretentious, that's very pretentious."

You also unilaterally offered the class FREE to all ASU female students and grads while doubling the cost for all the "brahs" and instructing them to put their mats "further afar" in the back row against the far wall in order to not block your line of vision "in the downfield vertical passing attack" whatever that means.

And you also violated the nationwide male yoga teacher standards by wearing non conforming Vilebrequin swimtrunks instead of Alo or LuLu Lemon gear, did not tie the drawstrings of these turtle printed shorts, did not display any visible tattoos and basically roared "Roaaaaaaaarrrrhhh" after every difficult pose.

Lastly when students were exiting the studio after the SOLD OUT class you insisted on screaming at them "Demand the ball, Ivan, demand the ball!!"

Whose Ivan??

Anyways with the powers vested in us by the Maricopa County Supreme Court presided over by Judge Barth we are now officially relegating you from a Substitute Yoga Teacher16 to a SYT17. You are hereby REPLACED by Leidy as a SYT16 effectively immediately.

https://instagr.am/p/DLQRLhDyXbA
This decision is FINAL and may not be appealed. Censoring you is the right move to ensure you NEVER become a Cal men's hoops fan again!!

Cordially,

-Modern Yoga Management Staff

wut up modern yoga??

how r u??

ima fine!!

https://instagr.am/p/BG2c9tghHcW
best regards,

shocky

YOW!

https://instagr.am/p/CKuDqtxA42X
SHOUT OUT of appreciation for those courageous men, women & doggy dogs of the armed services & law enforcement that protect us from those that wish us harm (this is not an endorsement of poorly defined wars) 24/7/365 while spending time away from their loved ones!!

there's also an existential war being waged against planet earth, if ur in a position to support the sierra club & other environmental groups plz consider doing so...yeah the shockster picks up litter/recycles (along with writing checks & branding/messaging counsel/support) everywhere he goes (that's just in his dna from his berkeley grad tiger moms)!!



when mother earth is gone/uninhabitable, it's all over baby (u can turn off the lights)#

2027 high school recruiting update:

Love you Eli!

Lots of words being said the last 24 hours- truths, lies & in between. All I know is that you will end up where you are meant to be because you earned it, you deserve it! Stay focused, stay workin and God’s plan will prevail!

🫡 https://t.co/2P6Cfu1nGF

— Coach Ramer (@Coach_Ramer) May 19, 2026

a massive priority for the staff is ELECTRIC unguardable wideout 6'1" 190 lbs eli woodard from chaparral high school in temecula

Eli Woodard is unguardable!!

Get it done Beard pic.twitter.com/RqGzi1eJ2L

— Tate (@MiamiTate) May 19, 2026

yeah eli gotta lotta chemistry with his puma's qb1 dane weber!!

the university of california, berkeley=NFL development starts on day 1 with playing time/catching balls (not sitting ur azz on the bench at football factories like usc & miami that's already stacked 3/4 deep at every position & that buys the top transfer portal gladiators every year)

Shocky1 said:

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https://instagr.am/p/DIE51YLy6Ao
chancellor lyons, at the recent acc outdoor track & field championships hosted by louisville the men's team finished 11th & the women's team finished 14th, this is beyond breaking bad

under the failed leadership of co athletic directors jay & jenny (faithful lieutenants under general knowlton with their anti football/basketball agendas) track got near non existent fundraising

rich, NOW is the time to exercise the nuclear option (oppenheimer wuz a berkeley professor) & detonate the track & field and cross country programs (which are also failing) in order to repurpose the valuable land that edwards stadium sits upon for the greater good of the university via an internal accounting "sale" of edwards to buy down the athletic department massive DEBT to the central campus

there is an enterprise risk management financial tsunami heading towards the #1 ranked public university in the WORLD with reduced state & federal funding on the horizon, NOW is the time to BLOW UP the FAILING programs & redirect focus and dollars towards the revenue sports with existential conference realignments realistically occurring during the next 12-24 months

KABBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

---

𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐊 𝐘𝐎𝐔 🐻

Much love to our #CalFamily for supporting us all season long#GoBears pic.twitter.com/QwuPnjYAZq

— Cal Baseball (@CalBaseball) May 19, 2026

rich, the all white non competitive (lost 39 acc games the last 2 seasons) baseball program has spent almost every dollar of the stu gordon endowment & is losing conference games with a COSTLY massive roster 3000+ miles away on the east coast

waiting until july of 2028 to cut the program & repurpose evan diamonds is a poor utilization of financial resources in a critical EXISTENTIAL moment for cal athletics, got it??

the time is NOW!!#

Berkeley vs UNC pic.twitter.com/NGPrgFTgwZ

— Reese Adams (@ReeseAdams76102) October 22, 2025

^ the top left touchdown "whacking" celebration by the bears rb1 resulted in a critical unsportsmanlike 15 yard penalty on the ensuing kickoff, ur NEVER gonna see the true details of the game on tv

Berkeley game pic.twitter.com/vd5EyehuJx

— Reese Adams (@ReeseAdams76102) October 22, 2025

the monster recently played the valley club of montecito with an influential ucla donor with a nba lineage that tole me that other than the crosstown trojans rivalry games at the coliseum in south central that the energized bruins fanbase is gonna turn out in large numbers ("the best attended road game" in the history of ucla football) for the wildly important uc championship game on saturday september 5, 2026

GOD-Family-Legacy#JKS #CalFootball #JustKeepStackin pic.twitter.com/Gsj1BejUIa

— Jaron Keawe Sagapolutele (@JaronKeawe) May 26, 2026

individual game tixs are not for sale yet to the bruins faithful, NOW is ur opportunity to be part of the most EXCITING (with massive implications for both programs) season opener in the history of cal football, do u got ur season tix(s) to watch the MAGIC of 2028 nfl draft projected #1 overall projected pick lefty bears qb1 JARON KEAWE SAGAPOLUTELE??
https://calbears.com/sports/2022/7/11/cal-golden-bears-football-tickets.aspx?xd_co_f=NjExMDJlMWEtOTE1MS00MWE4LTg2YWMtNDcwOWU5NGFiM2E2&_gl=1*1630gyh*_ga*ODkyODE0NzczLjE3Nzk3OTQ3NjA.*_ga_NC7EPLMT5E*czE3Nzk3OTQ3NjAkbzEkZzEkdDE3Nzk3OTQ3NjMkajU3JGwwJGgw

season tixs are live right now with multiple sections including the field section SOLD OUT!!

https://instagr.am/p/DYyANf5jaUW
yeah do whatever the **** u gotta do to be in memorial stadium for the cal vs ucla battle, shocky is probably gonna steal a car from the chandler fashion square parking lot or take the 15 hour friday greyhound all niter bus from 7th street in downtown phoenix or parachute into the stadium, wut r u gonna do brah??

2027 high school recruiting update:

Committing !

Thursday May 28th

2 pm PST

📍Chaparral Highschool

Everyone is welcome 🙏 #AG2G pic.twitter.com/V68reYnK8m

— Dane Weber (@DaneWeber08) May 26, 2026

whose gonna be the bears next high gpa humble qb1 with ice in his veins throwing dimes en route to the NFL??



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (just ask 3.75 gpa jaron keawe sagapolutele, 3.7 gpa jared goff & 3.6 gpa aaron rodgers)

2027 high school recruiting update:

Los Angeles (Calif.) Marquez four-star ATH Elyjah Staples has cut his list of schools down to two

"After talking with family, we decided to narrow it down to the two schools that I could really see myself at."

Intel: https://t.co/DT06B13JMu pic.twitter.com/FY4fTTKbvl

— Greg Biggins (@GregBiggins) May 26, 2026

1) serious question, has a 4.2 gpa football player evah enrolled at an academically mediocre school like byu??...real talk: byu is NOT even in the same galaxy academically as berkeley, stanford & the ivy league

2) is elijah an eskimo & does he thrive in 5 months freezing azz snowy winters in utah??...does staples own an igloo or something??

3) how much time & money would it cost moms to get from so cal to salt lake city (assuming there are no weather delays later in the season) on gamedays vs the simple cali 2 hour southwest flight to oakland on fall saturday mornings with other bearents??

https://instagr.am/p/DRNzcVvjPFc
50 year decision (brrrrhhhhhhh, man it's cold!!)#

2027 high school recruiting update:

#LSU target Jason Johnson has finalized his official visit schedule for this summer 👀 pic.twitter.com/3lUKSp60gX

— Andre Champagne (@andrechampagnee) May 26, 2026

the staff is targeting DESTRUCTIVE defensive lineman 6'4" 285 lbs jason johnson from atascocita high school in texas (30 minutes from houston)

johnson is gonna officially trip to the perfect cal summer weather (unlike the nasty sticky humidi/smoking hot other visits) on june 5-7th

https://instagr.am/p/DPuEJhyAX9w
jason is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 4.5 gpa!!

yeah no wonder even buc-ee wanna get the **** outta kinda low key racist texas/the south!!

https://instagr.am/p/CuIVTfIJZ2M
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public school on planet earth (for those that wanna build GENERATIONAL WEALTH thru nfl development at memorial stadium & hard work in the classrooms of berkeley, it's NOT for everybody)

The World University Rankings 2026 have just been published.

The performance of Asia’s top universities has stalled for the first time in 14 years, while the US continues to decline.

Analysis of the results: https://t.co/FldnUjPV1W #THEUniRankings pic.twitter.com/v0s6ec4ErV

— Times Higher Education (@timeshighered) October 8, 2025

https://instagr.am/p/DYk751cBxfs
kinda reminds me of the monster doing the hot/cold water plunges at the village!!

2026 colonial tournament: update

Still can’t believe how early @maxhoma23 celebrated this putt pic.twitter.com/H0h8mGg9nI

— Tour Golf (not PGA Tour) (@PGATUOR) September 25, 2022

the last couple of tournys max homa has been rolling the ball well but seen a lotta edges get burned, really think this is the week that the putts start dropping!!

la bandiera va messi fuori, right callixte??

https://instagr.am/p/B1jTGCmIhlB
ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE: this is the 9th consecutive post by shocky, he cannot post again unless there is monster reader posts/engagement per the rules of the bearinsider.com

Johnson & Staples look great.

TY for the preview.

2027 high school recruiting updates:

Excited to get up to Cal this weekend!!! @CalFootball #AG2G @CoachKei22 @SydQuanThompson @CReedGHS @CoachLup @DlineCoachEd @Big_Ursa_ @CoachBarraza pic.twitter.com/V4Lw91px4E

— Giovanni Hodge (@GioHodge707) May 27, 2026

who wuz the 1st high school commitment of the coach lup era??

that would be 4.0 gpa apex predator edge defender 6'5" 265 lbs giovanni hodge from burgeoning pipeline grant union high school (pacers teammate nightmare mismatch rahzario "zo" edwards is also officially tripping to the claremont this weekend) in sacramento, tosh (a former defensive line coach in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE) wanted him bad!!

retaining giovanni & fellow all american bears commitment 3.7 gpa 6'4' 246 troy bowens from sutter creek high school are CRITICAL to the upward trajectory of them california golden bears as the football program wuz good not great during the wilcox era because of the inability to reliably sack/harass opposing qb1s (zero defensive linemen nfl drafted during the last decade, no es bueno)

https://instagr.am/p/DV48c3HlAak
defensive line is the hardest position in college football to find/recruit high gpa student athletes (any cal recruiting story without a gpa is worthless), hodge & bowens are basically ******* unicorns!!

berkeley is a unicorn school!!#