cal's monster offensive line

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Shocky1
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5:33p, 6/4/26
2027 high school recruiting updates:

WELCOME to uhila & demare re: ur weekend official visits to the san francisco bay area!!

demare dezerun: 5'11" 165 lbs monster SPEED all american wideout from palisades charter high school (near riviera!!), current oklahoma commit
https://instagr.am/p/DYilohLCWM4
uhila matekitonga finefeuiaki wolfgramm: 6'3" 250 lbs apex predator edge defender from maple mountain high school (in spanish fork) utah, current oklahoma lean

guys, in case u haven't figured it out yet, let me break it down for u re: oklahoma, ok??

https://instagr.am/p/DXYP9Wrj3Xy
1) norman is an absolute truck stop town ****hole with nasty azz ginormous bugs along with freezing azz winters, tornado season every spring with fatalities & humid as **** summers...why would anyone willingly wanna live in norman for a couple of years??



2) oklahoma is an absolute piece of **** academic skool for low gpa disposable gladiators, 99% of their football players are basically ****** working as a shift supervisor at white castle or security at the santa monica pier for 20 bucks an hour at age 30 in today's wildly competitive global economy that favors the well educated


3) norman is one of the least diverse & straight up white places on planet earth, do you even realize that almost all of the blacks & polys there are on a sports team??



4) like most sec football factory skools (for fools) the sooners are stacked 3/4 deep at every position & got the financial resources to recruit over u in the transfer portal after every season

5) are there any direct flights from ur hometown to norman for ur fam on fall gamedays??



6) r u gonna talk to all american rb1 jaxsen stokes on why he just decommitted from them boomers sooners to the cali bears??

don't be a ******* dumb azz#

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (for those interested in building generational wealth via NFL development with NFL coaches & hard work in the classrooms of berkeley while living in cali)
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sonofabear51
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9:10p, 6/4/26
F Oklahoma. And Texas for that matter, and for all the same reasons. There are many reasons we live in California, and we stay. Shocky has outlined perhaps the biggest reasons, but there are others.

F the red states.
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Shocky1
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9:36p, 6/4/26
51 but let's be very clear that the monster is a massive fan/admirer of buc-ee!!

the primary reason people live in the middle of the country & not the left or east coast is not because of politics but rather because they cannot afford to do so, it's not a coincidence that the top 10+ universities in the united states are on the coasts (with way better weather/spectacular neighborhoods & more affluent well educated college grads) where the nation's (and really world's) wealth is disproportionately located

some high school football stars (usually those with high gpas & parent(s) that understand the importance of education as it impact's one future socioeconomic status at age 30) figure this **** out during the recruiting process & some don't making the wrong bet in life betting solely on their physical attributes (kinda like escorts/hookers) which very seldom works out in the long run (pretty woman wuz a movie)

there's a ****ton of guys that followed their nfl dreams without a backup plan that are now handing out towels at the la fitness in akron (or eugene)

the monster is here to help (if u don't think he's replaceable & walk him to his car)!!

https://instagr.am/p/Byq5UiBAHSL
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Shocky1
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9:50p, 6/4/26
2027 high school recruiting update:


brayton, did u know that ima currently unfairly evaluated by modern yoga as a substitute teacher17 (syt17) because i don't got any visible tattoos or a triggering ponytail, can u believe that ****??


anyways as someone who watched every second of cal football in person last season i can tell u with 100% certainty that u would be a DAY 1 starting linebacker for them bears!!...that may nor may not be the case at football factories likes oregon, michigan, ohio state, etc. that are 3/4 stacked at every position & that got the cash to buy the best transfer portal talent after every season which is disruptive to the depth chart


cal's defensive coordinator michael hutchings coached in the NFL & coach lup wuz the defensive line coach for them cleveland browns, do u wanna be developed by them 24/7/365??

https://instagr.am/p/DTlft-NEi-v
feister, ur a smart guy with a 3.55 gpa, ur gonna figure this **** out, enjoy this weekend's official visit in cali!!

-shocky



p.s. if u could do me a solid & put in a good word for me at modern yoga that would be appreciated
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Shocky1
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12:12a, 6/5/26
https://instagr.am/p/DZBhaUrkdku
WELCOME all 14 official visitors this weekend to Bear Territory!!

In order to receive ur room keys at the Claremont and a FREE 32 oz green juice that will facilitate excellent gut health and pooping like a race horse kinda like Leidy and Shocky u must 1st complete the following 2027 California Golden Bear questionnaire:
____________________________________________________________________

OFFICIAL CAL FOOTBALL 2027 RECRUITING QUESTIONNAIRE:

Wut's ur name?

Do u got a nickname or wut does ur moms call u?

Wut's ur GPA?
Note: if u got a **** GPA ur not going nowhere, do not continue completing this form

Wut's ur electronically timed 40 SPEED?
Note: if u got a **** 40 ur not going nowhere, do not continue completing this form

If ur from Texas wut is ur Buc-ee's membership #?

If ur from Hawaii how do u get a FREE parking space at Mama's Fish House?

If ur from Ohio how many times did u eat at White Castle in the last 12 months?

If ur from Mississippi do u know Jessie Murph and if so has she invited u to her house in Malibu?

If ur from Utah what's ur favorite hiking trail at Arches National Park?

If ur from Arizona what's the best desert at the Chandler Fashion Square Cheesecake Factory?

Is ur Dream School a low rent academic school located in a truck stop town with lot lizards with CFM pumps & STDS that gets violent tornados every spring?

How important is Berkeley's ranking as the #1 rated public school in the WORLD in ur final decision on a scale of 1 to 10?

Yes or No: R u aware that curvy brunette yoga females (CBYF1s) with triggering PONYTAILS wanna date & marry Berkeley, Stanford & Ivy Leagues when they enter the REAL WORLD that unremorsefully favors the well educated in building GENERATIONAL WEALTH?

Wut's ur favorite position?
Note: do NOT send any fotos (we do NOT want to see that ****)

R u wanted on any felonies (wanted in 2 states, can't move wrong) or do u got multiple baby mamas?

Do u luv rescue doggy dogs & do u help old women cross the street?

R u planning to make fun of Coach Lup & his 3 Stooges trim?

Did u know that mushrooms are a vegetable?

R u a substitute yoga teacher at Modern Yoga?

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Shocky1
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5:34p, 6/5/26
2026 golden bear MEMORIAL tournament at muirfield village: 2nd round update


^ this is truly a shame, he could've taken out a couple clubs/balls to lighten the load for her when she carried his bag during a future 36 holes (14-15 miles) walking 2nd date, ay caramba

michael kim (72, tied for 38th): remarkable stat: has hit only a crooked azz 11 of 28 fairways in the first 2 rounds but has hit 23 of 36 greens in regulation (11th best in the field)...michael hit en fuego 100+ yard wedges to inches for kick in birdies on the par 4 9th & 13th holes!!

real talk: if u luv wut ur doing in life it's NOT a ******* grind!!


^ hope michael is gonna get an angioplasty heart exam after one of jack's 100+ grams of sugar shakes (2nd most tasty clubhouse shake after the heart attack reese's pieces at castle pines), winners drink 32 oz green juices!!


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Shocky1
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8:17p, 6/5/26
2027 cal's spida man & friends superheroes class!!




sail (in an eichler town, don't leave)#
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Shocky1
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9:47p, 6/5/26
june 5-7th OFFICIAL VISITS recruiting weekend at the claremont:

https://instagr.am/p/DQJN3oEjqlI
5 current commitments
*****charles davis iii- the leader of the 2027 spida man & friends superheroes class
*****dane weber-qb1 of the future gotta nutrition savvy cbyf1 moms
*****duvay williams-bears lockdown TAKERS get paid in the NFL
*****blake gunter-dangerous texas wideout got wheels
*****aj sanders-big time rb got all the physical tools


9 uncommitted prospects
*****eli woodard-usc decommit is dane weber's favorite target on planet earth
*****demare dezerun-norman is a ****hole but does demare wanna read books & ****??
*****brayton feister-does the NFL upside backer wanna live in cali??
*****isaiah bertola-day 1 starting o-lineman at cal poly-berkeley the 9th island
*****dajohn yaraborough-zony's MONSTER offensive line
*****sam lejuene-jessie murph is gonna be his prom date
*****jason johnson-texas devastating impact defensive tackle
*****uhila matekitonga finefeuiaki wolgramm-apex preadator edge defender brings heat
*****jamie spurgeon-unreal +1 athletic 2 sport star: baseball or football??

IMPORTANT TRIP NOTES: all visitors are hereby authorized to charge as much room service & **** to coach lup's account...if u & ur fam want surf n' turf at midnight or a watch or an aquarium, no problemo!!



50 year friendships (in the land of ponytails & palm trees!!)#
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Shocky1
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2:47a, 6/6/26
2027 junior college recruiting update:


5'10" 182 lbs with 4.54 electronically timed SPEED defensive back alexis "tt" ruiz from el camino community college & originally clackamas high school in portland is gonna be in berkeley on saturday meeting/working out with the coaches/staff

tt is an academically 5/4 ncca qualifier with an unreal s&c work ethic (unlike the cal men's golf team), señor ruiz got a ******* chip on his shoulder


rooting for this recruiting deal to get done but let's be real here, ruiz is no becky g


^ my friend rebecca got a strong weft/hair extension game!!

https://instagr.am/p/DIbYqfhs9ic
^ do u got an annual backstage full access pass like the shockster to coachella (standing on the grass miles away further afar from the stage no es bueno)??

la universidad de berkeley=numero uno escuela en todo EL MUNDO (comprende tosh??)
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Shocky1
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8:15a, 6/6/26
norman oklahoma weather update: "use caution if you are out and about!"


^ another beautiful day in sooner country

on the thunderous departure of lightning fast rb1 jaxsen stokes to them ideal cali weather bears, the sooners staff stuck living in ****hole norman in a stormy outburst are cutting ties with longtime commit wr1 demare dezerun who is seeking bluer skies without all the ******* drama (demare is in an honors english class, he's smarter than the sooners usual low gpa guys who can't read books & ****)

yeah it's boomer sooner weather in tornado alley!!

cal's monster class#
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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 11:47a, 6/6/26
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:
2027 high school recruiting update:


jeovanni, as a 3.3 gpa ELITE 6' 185 lbs defensive back with SPEED from nearby serra high school let the monster help you break it down in case you haven't already figured it out yet, ok??

byu: do u really want to sign the student conduct document & live in freezing azz provo utah for the next 4 years??...r u an eskimo & do u own an igloo??

washington: drizzly azz seattle is depressing as **** most of the year & expensive/time consuming for the fam to travel to on fall gamedays...if not seeing ur fam or sunshine for 9 months of the year won't negatively affect ur mental health this might be a good spot for u

texas: tasty food in austin particularly at the food trucks but are the longhorns the best path for NFL development via early playing time/starting opportunity??

penn state: absolutely in the middle of ******* nowhere (good luck to ur fam tryna get there on gamedays without a private jet), literally non diverse state college pennsylvania is straight up white except for the few blacks & polys that play on the lions sports teams...really lousy snowy winters, severe windstorm springs & nasty humid summers, this is NOT cali weather and the academics aren't gonna open any doors when ur 30 years old

cal: the rich people that live in the $25,000,000+ mansions in nearby atherton & hillsborough are NOT grads of 2nd tier academic skools like byu, texas, penn state & washington, they built generational wealth as grads of berkeley, stanford & the ivy league...don't be a dumb azz, high school football stars that get exploited at football factories as disposable gladiators wake up at age 30 working security at pac bell stadium for 20 bucks an hour, ur hopefully not that guy (like them oregon guys who bet their futures that they didn't wanna work hard in the classrooms & took the easy way out, there are no do overs in life)


yeah jeovanni, this **** is not that complicated, which head coach do u wanna climb mountains with brah??




the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and a 30 minute drive to memorial stadium for the fam on fall gamedays)




WELCOME 3.3 gpa bay area hometown hero jeovanni henley & his proud family to the greatest public university on planet earth!!

yeah from the top of the strawberry canyon cardiac hill firetrail u can see for miles including alcatraz, the golden gate bridge & the panoramic san francisco skyline (and an UNLIMITED future)!!

ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE: this is the 9th consecutive post by shocky, he cannot post again unless there is monster reader posts/engagement per the rules of the bearinsider.com

https://instagr.am/p/C9A9wGORVO0
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Cal_79
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In reply to Shocky1 • 2:02p, 6/6/26
#GoBears!
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BearlyGray
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2:55p, 6/6/26
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/HKGQpxobwAApIsC?format=jpg&name=large
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Shocky1
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3:29p, 6/6/26
2027 high school recruiting updates:

https://instagr.am/p/DXdQs-3Eltg
yeah cal's 2027 spida man & friends superheroes class gotta lotta momentum & won't stop!!

our ringleader charles is gonna be the mayor (with niles as the vice mayor) of los angeles someday after earning a berkeley degree & getting paid in the national football league

https://instagr.am/p/DGT_LsfPdBV
rudy gotta lotta endurance (forks up baby)#

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rkt88edmo
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3:49p, 6/6/26
Spida and Dane are actively hyping the class and other recruits

Tosh will board your vessel

There is no escape
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Shocky1
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5:06p, 6/6/26
2026 MEMORIAL tournament at muirfield village:


michael kim (77, tied for 51st): weird stat-michael is 7th in the field in greens in regulation (37 outta 54) but has missed 25 fairways in the first 3 rounds which no es bueno

kim's ability to improvise, deadly iron play & unreal short game is better suited to links courses such as the upcoming major venues shinnecock hills & royal birkdale that allow the ground game on approaches unlike muirfield village which dictates aerial approaches into the usually elevated heavily bunkered green sites

should the grifters be worried??

barbara is very protective of her husband's health/stress levels but the children are 100% never gonna forget (just like the 9/11 survivors) those that attempt to tarnish the family legacy of fundraising hundreds of millions of dollars for charity

why are corrupt world golf rankings newsworthy?

because they involve the current president of the united states of america

the monster is extremely patient (and careful with all details fact checked by journalists/attorneys), the timing of the potential oppenheimer nuclear option could be impacted by jack's health & the national elections



the bear would not quit, the wear would not die (and the bear would not just ******* look the other way)#
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Shocky1
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7:14p, 6/6/26

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Shocky1
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9:25p, 6/6/26



off to the ******* races (in cali)!!#
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