A nurse walks unto a bank, exhausted after a 20 hour shift. She pulls a rectal thermometer out of her pocket and tries to write a check with it. She looks at the cashier and says, "Well, that's just great, some ******* has got my pen!"

Shoud be someA--H--- has got my pen.

yeah yeah, we got it, tnx ya old hoot.

The absent minded biology professor was going to demonstrate a frog disection.

When he looked into the bag, he saw only a sandwich.
"That's funny, I'm sure I ate my lunch."