cal's monster offensive line

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Shocky1
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11:36a, 5/24/26
2027 high school recruiting update:


coach lup & the staff are prioritizing unreal +1 athletic destructive defensive lineman seegun alexander/shaggy from rabun gap high school in liburn georgia (half an hour from downtown atlanta)


seegun is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 3.5 gpa and is on track to complete high school in only 3+ years!!

yeah only 1 of shaggy's official trips finalists is in cali on the left coast in the land of palm trees & the pacific ocean, is it time for young mr alexander to have an adventure??



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and not a football factory that exploits its disposable gladiators)
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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 6:40p, 5/24/26
Shocky1 said:


KABBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!

shocky taught his 1st class today as a substitute yoga teacher when master teacher anton got a mysterious message (ip address from the new buc-ee's in buckeye arizona with a grand opening of june 22nd) advising him that the 4:15 pm modern yoga class wuz cancelled & the shockster graciously filled in!!

additionally after being originally being unfairly evaluated (which wuz kinda ruining schulzy's whole life!!) as a substitute yoga teacher17 (syt17) by the modern yoga management, he's now been upgraded to syt16, yeah the monster is taking the victory!!

it's a great day to be a bear (roaRRRRRRRR)!!#

Dear Mr. Shocky,

How are you?

We are NOT fine.

It has been brought to our attention that at your first (and maybe last) substitute teaching yoga class at Modern Yoga that before class when a curvy brunette yoga female (CBYF1) posed a philosophical question about life that you responded with "STFU, just STFU, pretentious, that's very pretentious."

You also unilaterally offered the class FREE to all ASU female students and grads while doubling the cost for all the "brahs" and instructing them to put their mats "further afar" in the back row against the far wall in order to not block your line of vision "in the downfield vertical passing attack" whatever that means.

And you also violated the nationwide male yoga teacher standards by wearing non conforming Vilebrequin swimtrunks instead of Alo or LuLu Lemon gear, did not tie the drawstrings of these turtle printed shorts, did not display any visible tattoos and basically roared "Roaaaaaaaarrrrhhh" after every difficult pose.

Lastly when students were exiting the studio after the SOLD OUT class you insisted on screaming at them "Demand the ball, Ivan, demand the ball!!"

Whose Ivan??

Anyways with the powers vested in us by the Maricopa County Supreme Court presided over by Judge Barth we are now officially relegating you from a Substitute Yoga Teacher16 to a SYT17. You are hereby REPLACED by Leidy as a SYT16 effectively immediately.

https://instagr.am/p/DLQRLhDyXbA
This decision is FINAL and may not be appealed. Censoring you is the right move to ensure you NEVER become a Cal men's hoops fan again!!

Cordially,

-Modern Yoga Management Staff
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Shocky1
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6:50p, 5/24/26
wut up modern yoga??

how r u??

ima fine!!

https://instagr.am/p/BG2c9tghHcW
best regards,

shocky
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sonofabear51
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9:43p, 5/24/26
YOW!
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Shocky1
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10:36a, 5/25/26
https://instagr.am/p/CKuDqtxA42X
SHOUT OUT of appreciation for those courageous men, women & doggy dogs of the armed services & law enforcement that protect us from those that wish us harm (this is not an endorsement of poorly defined wars) 24/7/365 while spending time away from their loved ones!!

there's also an existential war being waged against planet earth, if ur in a position to support the sierra club & other environmental groups plz consider doing so...yeah the shockster picks up litter/recycles (along with writing checks & branding/messaging counsel/support) everywhere he goes (that's just in his dna from his berkeley grad tiger moms)!!



when mother earth is gone/uninhabitable, it's all over baby (u can turn off the lights)#
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Shocky1
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8:20p, 5/25/26
2027 high school recruiting update:


a massive priority for the staff is ELECTRIC unguardable wideout 6'1" 190 lbs eli woodard from chaparral high school in temecula


yeah eli gotta lotta chemistry with his puma's qb1 dane weber!!

the university of california, berkeley=NFL development starts on day 1 with playing time/catching balls (not sitting ur azz on the bench at football factories like usc & miami that's already stacked 3/4 deep at every position & that buys the top transfer portal gladiators every year)

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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 4:21a, 5/26/26
Shocky1 said:
https://instagr.am/p/DIE51YLy6Ao
chancellor lyons, at the recent acc outdoor track & field championships hosted by louisville the men's team finished 11th & the women's team finished 14th, this is beyond breaking bad

under the failed leadership of co athletic directors jay & jenny (faithful lieutenants under general knowlton with their anti football/basketball agendas) track got near non existent fundraising

rich, NOW is the time to exercise the nuclear option (oppenheimer wuz a berkeley professor) & detonate the track & field and cross country programs (which are also failing) in order to repurpose the valuable land that edwards stadium sits upon for the greater good of the university via an internal accounting "sale" of edwards to buy down the athletic department massive DEBT to the central campus

there is an enterprise risk management financial tsunami heading towards the #1 ranked public university in the WORLD with reduced state & federal funding on the horizon, NOW is the time to BLOW UP the FAILING programs & redirect focus and dollars towards the revenue sports with existential conference realignments realistically occurring during the next 12-24 months

KABBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



rich, the all white non competitive (lost 39 acc games the last 2 seasons) baseball program has spent almost every dollar of the stu gordon endowment & is losing conference games with a COSTLY massive roster 3000+ miles away on the east coast

waiting until july of 2028 to cut the program & repurpose evan diamonds is a poor utilization of financial resources in a critical EXISTENTIAL moment for cal athletics, got it??

the time is NOW!!#
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Shocky1
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4:42a, 5/26/26

^ the top left touchdown "whacking" celebration by the bears rb1 resulted in a critical unsportsmanlike 15 yard penalty on the ensuing kickoff, ur NEVER gonna see the true details of the game on tv

the monster recently played the valley club of montecito with an influential ucla donor with a nba lineage that tole me that other than the crosstown trojans rivalry games at the coliseum in south central that the energized bruins fanbase is gonna turn out in large numbers ("the best attended road game" in the history of ucla football) for the wildly important uc championship game on saturday september 5, 2026


individual game tixs are not for sale yet to the bruins faithful, NOW is ur opportunity to be part of the most EXCITING (with massive implications for both programs) season opener in the history of cal football, do u got ur season tix(s) to watch the MAGIC of 2028 nfl draft projected #1 overall projected pick lefty bears qb1 JARON KEAWE SAGAPOLUTELE??
https://calbears.com/sports/2022/7/11/cal-golden-bears-football-tickets.aspx?xd_co_f=NjExMDJlMWEtOTE1MS00MWE4LTg2YWMtNDcwOWU5NGFiM2E2&_gl=1*1630gyh*_ga*ODkyODE0NzczLjE3Nzk3OTQ3NjA.*_ga_NC7EPLMT5E*czE3Nzk3OTQ3NjAkbzEkZzEkdDE3Nzk3OTQ3NjMkajU3JGwwJGgw

season tixs are live right now with multiple sections including the field section SOLD OUT!!

https://instagr.am/p/DYyANf5jaUW
yeah do whatever the **** u gotta do to be in memorial stadium for the cal vs ucla battle, shocky is probably gonna steal a car from the chandler fashion square parking lot or take the 15 hour friday greyhound all niter bus from 7th street in downtown phoenix or parachute into the stadium, wut r u gonna do brah??

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Shocky1
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4:48p, 5/26/26
2027 high school recruiting update:


whose gonna be the bears next high gpa humble qb1 with ice in his veins throwing dimes en route to the NFL??



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (just ask 3.75 gpa jaron keawe sagapolutele, 3.7 gpa jared goff, 3.6 gpa aaron rodgers & 4.0 gpa fernando mendoza)
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Shocky1
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4:59p, 5/26/26
2027 high school recruiting update:


1) serious question, has a 4.2 gpa football player evah enrolled at an academically mediocre school like byu??...real talk: byu is NOT even in the same galaxy academically as berkeley, stanford & the ivy league

2) is elijah an eskimo & does he thrive in 5 months freezing azz snowy winters in utah??...does staples own an igloo or something??

3) how much time & money would it cost moms to get from so cal to salt lake city (assuming there are no weather delays later in the season) on gamedays vs the simple cali 2 hour southwest flight to oakland on fall saturday mornings with other bearents??

https://instagr.am/p/DRNzcVvjPFc
50 year decision (brrrrhhhhhhh, man it's cold!!)#
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Shocky1
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5:34p, 5/26/26
2027 high school recruiting update:


the staff is targeting DESTRUCTIVE defensive lineman 6'4" 285 lbs jason johnson from atascocita high school in texas (30 minutes from houston)

johnson is gonna officially trip to the perfect cal summer weather (unlike the nasty sticky humidi/smoking hot other visits) on june 5-7th

https://instagr.am/p/DPuEJhyAX9w
jason is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 4.5 gpa!!

yeah no wonder even buc-ee wanna get the **** outta kinda low key racist texas/the south!!

https://instagr.am/p/CuIVTfIJZ2M
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public school on planet earth (for those that wanna build GENERATIONAL WEALTH thru nfl development at memorial stadium & hard work in the classrooms of berkeley, it's NOT for everybody)



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Shocky1
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6:48p, 5/26/26
https://instagr.am/p/DYk751cBxfs
kinda reminds me of the monster doing the hot/cold water plunges at the village!!
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Shocky1
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8:30p, 5/26/26
2026 colonial tournament: update


the last couple of tournys max homa has been rolling the ball well but seen a lotta edges get burned, really think this is the week that the putts start dropping with NEW caddie/longtime friend peter pappageorge!!

la bandiera va messi fuori, right callixte??

https://instagr.am/p/B1jTGCmIhlB
ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE: this is the 9th consecutive post by shocky, he cannot post again unless there is monster reader posts/engagement per the rules of the bearinsider.com
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sonofabear51
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10:37p, 5/26/26
Johnson & Staples look great.

TY for the preview.
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Shocky1
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2:13a, 5/27/26
2027 high school recruiting updates:


who wuz the 1st high school commitment of the coach lup era??

that would be 4.0 gpa apex predator edge defender 6'5" 265 lbs giovanni hodge from burgeoning pipeline grant union high school (pacers teammate nightmare mismatch rahzario "zo" edwards is also officially tripping to the claremont this weekend) in sacramento, tosh (a former defensive line coach in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE) wanted him bad!!

retaining giovanni & fellow all american bears commitment 3.7 gpa 6'4' 246 troy bowens (also tripping to the bay this weekend) from sutter creek high school are CRITICAL to the upward trajectory of them california golden bears as the football program wuz good not great during the wilcox era because of the inability to reliably sack/harass opposing qb1s (zero defensive linemen nfl drafted during the last decade, no es bueno)

https://instagr.am/p/DV48c3HlAak
defensive line is the hardest position in college football to find/recruit high gpa student athletes (any cal recruiting story without a gpa is worthless), hodge & bowens are basically ******* unicorns!!

berkeley is a unicorn school!!#
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Shocky1
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4:53p, 5/27/26
2027 high school recruiting update:


the staff is prioritizing 2 way football/hoops star 6'1" 185 lbs corner/nickel kamil loud jr from powerhouse bishop gorman high school in las vegas


kamil loud sr played for them san louis obispo mustangs & got drafted by the buffalo bills, he's a great parent as evidenced by him taking his fam to bears games at memorial stadium starting at age 6 raising them in the bay area back in the day!!


kamil is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 3.7 gpa

go mustangs (to morro bay golf course & then the madonna inn for dinner)!!#

UPDATE: the loud family is gonna officially trip back to the bay on june 11-14th!!
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Shocky1
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6:23p, 5/27/26
oski SPOILER alert:

https://instagr.am/p/DYYj0fJlKEa
^ check out oski's stripper dance (without a pole) with the 10 outta 10 modern yoga splits, wowza!!

ok so it turns out 2 appointments at zolton's away from becoming a cbyf1 finley (a graduating senior) is actually Oski, that kinda explains the inappropriate smooch session (it's hard to get a lotta tongue with that ******* mascot outfit) we (she/her/mascot) shared last fall on a gameday after a bears touchdown!!

fun fact: finley smells kinda like honey!!

https://instagr.am/p/CtuAys0soBm
yeah but now much more importantly who the **** is actually Ronald McDonald!!



shocky can tell u with 100% certainly that his rescue doggy dogs brother/sister benji & beauty are the Cookie Monsters!!...real talk: shocky (who probably gotta lotta dog germs or something) has also tongue kissed benji & beauty!!

https://instagr.am/p/DSspPFOEu1L
finley, wut's ur gpa (don't worry sweetie, the monster won't kiss & tell)??

https://instagr.am/p/DH521_4uIPK
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JB was a Chieftain
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7:31p, 5/27/26
UCLA 7:30pm! See you there shocks
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Shocky1
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1:29a, 5/28/26
may 28-31st OFFICIAL VISITS recruiting weekend at the claremont: subject to change

https://instagr.am/p/DQJN3oEjqlI
6 current commitments

*****troy bowens-nfl upside
*****giovanni hodge-nfl upside
*****jaxsen stokes-rb1 of the future
*****myles baker-s1 of the future
*****gunnar perry-sideline to sideline tackling machine
*****zach brien-like father like son

7 uncommitted prospects

*****lex malangi-cal's monster offensive line
*****josh bunni-cal's monster offensive line
*****amaziah siale-cal's monster offensive line
*****rahzario "zo" edwards-nightmare mismatch in vertical passing game
*****elyjah staples-unreal upside young backer
*****seegun "shaggy" alexander-moving from georgia to cali worked out ok for jaylen brown
*****jaderian "jd" jones-texas native already plays dt for them golden bears

IMPORTANT TRIP NOTES: all visitors are hereby authorized to charge as much room service & **** to coach lup's account...if u & ur fam want surf n' turf at midnight or a watch or an aquarium, no problemo!!

just do NOT make fun of tosh's 3 stooges trim, got it??

https://instagr.am/p/DUbR0WBAGFH
50 year friendships (in the land of ponytails & palm trees!!)#
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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 2:49p, 5/28/26
Shocky1 said:
2027 high school quarterback recruiting update:


in a very fluid fast changing qb1 recruitment the staff is now prioritizing 2 time all state cali gunslinger 6'1" 215 lbs dane weber from chaparral high school in temecula, he had a great unofficial visit to berkeley last weekend as the only prospect in town

the ball just flies outta dane's hands with a clean powerful highly accurate throwing motion


and weber is also a leader off the field too


so where do the bears stand right now??

dane is building "super close" (his words, not mine) relationships with coach lup after dinner at the limewood bar & restaurant and also coaches rolo & somerville who have tole him he's the #1 ranked qb1 on the staff's 2027 big board

https://instagr.am/p/DQKMuG_j6Y4
weber has also visited ucla & stanford and will be making a critical unofficial visit to usc tomorrow at which time he'll probably find out if he gotta an actionable offer or if the trojans staff is just ******* around and slow playing him

like the cal lineage of current & future NFL quarterbacks including 3.6 gpa aaron rodgers, 3.7 gpa jared goff, 4.0 gpa fernando mendoza & 3.75 gpa jaron keawe sagapoltele dane is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 3.8 gpa which would allow him to comfortably handle berkeley academics while spending time watching film together with the coaches 6 days a week year round in maximizing his NFL upside

yeah tosh learned a valuable lesson in the academically ineligible/flunking out 2.6 gpa zach maynard fiasco back in the day that ur qb1 gotta be the smartest bear of them all

dane is scheduled for an official visit during the bears 1st group recruiting weekend of may 28-31st

a NFL level qb1 at the college level is kinda like a winning lottery tix/a berkeley degree!!#

KAAAAABBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

massive 2027 qb1 commitment against cal's #1 primary recruiting competitor ucla (westwood is a solid academic choice for those rejected for admission to berkeley, stanford & the ivy league)!!

shout outs to his cbyf1 moms rebecca for raising such a humble 3.8 gpa (real talk: any cal recruiting article without a gpa is kinda worthless) & healthy (disciplined nutrition) true student athlete & also thx to nando for engaging dane via facetime to share his thoughts on berkeley, etc


with the official visit weekends starting tomorrow getting weber locked down now is critical to him being a vocal leader in building out the 2027 spida man & friends superheroes class!!

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Shocky1
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3:22p, 5/28/26
2026 buc-ee's step brothers tournament in dallas: 1st round update

https://instagr.am/p/DY4_2OhFkNT
max homa (66, tied for 15th): an absolute ball striking clinic (hitting an unreal 16 outta 18 greens in regulation at the gil hanse terrific renovation of colonial) with NEW caddie peter pappageorge!!

so who the **** is peter pappageorge??

peter is a longtime close friend of max, really doesn't know **** about golf (the shockster is now homa's future caddie5) & played hoops at burlingame high school (and la canada junior college) before becoming the 489th leading scorer in the history of the long beach state 49ers!!


https://www.smdailyjournal.com/sports/a-will-to-improve---peter-pappageorge-boys-basketball-player-of-the-year/article_e1d788ab-bf26-549f-9ab7-a6b2d7959cc3.html

pappageorge's strength is that he can help our sometimes self loathing (modern yoga would help max become kinder to himself) cali bear have FUN, homa plays his best golf when he's SMILING/LAUGHING (rite lacey??) focused in the moment without anger & grudges and other stupid **** (like still being mad at john)

yeah peter pappageorge is kinda like max homa's step brother or something



michael kim (-1 thru 13 holes): a home game for michael, he got a 15 foot birdie putt when he marked his ball on the par 4 14th green due to heavy storms/lightning...honestly why would anybody with choices live in texas (other than the economic value play benefit of no state income tax)??


PGA quote of the year: some reporter asked my guy justin thomas some dumb azz question about something to which jt responded, "how would i know, i'm just a college (alabama) drop out??"


PGA question of the year: is low gpa/fellow hopa hopa rickie fowler still mad at the monster because his 4.0 gpa at newport harbor berkeley grad wife allison married him in a pathetic attempt to make me jealous or something??

https://instagr.am/p/BPs1UNGD3VI

^ coach lup has indisputably broken 6 different code of conduct rules at los angeles country club with this non sanctioned foto, tosh's hosting member (who probably grew up at the santa monica beach club, graduated from harvard prep then yale & a respected longstanding member of the downtown jonathan club) is gonna get a letter from the club prez re: the club's intoleration of berkeley hippies ruining everything in civilized society on planet earth!!

**** them (just kidding rogg machine, when is our next tee time on the north??)!!#
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BearlyGray
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5:31p, 5/28/26
Is Papageorge related to the great Papageorge who played at St Mary's? That man could shoot
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Shocky1
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6:54p, 5/28/26
^ yes, that's his dad nick who wuz a standout gaels hooper

peter spots homa 4 letters when they compete at h-o-r-s-e
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10:00p, 5/28/26

california golden bears yucky blucky fruitcake classes (mr spieker not amused cuz he got worser seats):

doechii, why don't you introduce the yucky blucky fruitcakes to the class?

2027 class:

josh bunni, offensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
rahzario (zo) edwards, tight end (3.0+ gpa)
elyjah staples, linebacker (4.2 gpa)
dane weber, quarterback (3.8 gpa)
duvay williams, corner/nickel back (3.2 gpa)
jaxsen stokes, running back (3.7 gpa)
miles isaac schirmer, defensive lineman (3.5 gpa)
antwon "aj" sanders iii, running back (3.0+ gpa)
charles "spida" davis iii, wideout (3.0+ gpa)
myles baker, safety (3.7 gpa)
troy bowens, edge defender (3.7 gpa)
blake gunter, wide receiver (4.0 gpa)
zach brien, kicker (3.8 gpa)
gunnar perry, linebacker (3.7 gpa)
giovanni hodge, edge defender (4.0 gpa)

2026 class:

david bird, longsnapper (4.0 gpa)
jacob johnson, punter (3.1 gpa)
sosaia noa, tight end (3.0+ gpa)
roger vaderhoef, offensive lineman (3.5 gpa)
rico walker, tight end (3.1 gpa)
aj tuitele, linebacker (3.0 gpa)
joshua pierce, edge defender (3.5 gpa)
jayden williams, defensive line (3.1 gpa)
kamar mothudi, inside linebacker (3.3 gpa)
ricky "trenches" fletcher, defensive back (3.3 gpa)
jericho johnson, defensive tackle (3.0+ gpa)
emmanuel okoye, edge defender (strong student from nigeria)
jackson brosseau, quarterback (3.96 gpa)
angus davies, punter (honor roll student from australia)
daniel harris, cornerback (3.1 gpa)
ashton rivera, offensive lineman (3.7 gpa)
kahlee tafai, offensive lineman (3.15 gpa)
ashun shepphard, defensive line (3.0+ gpa)
cooper perry, wide receiver (4.1 gpa)
towns mcgough, kicker (4.0 gpa)
marquis "mgk" groves-killebrew (3.3 gpa)
justin beadles, defensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
tristan jernigan, inside linebacker (3.0+ gpa)
jimothy lewis jr, offensive tackle (3.4 gpa)
michael hurst jr, safety (3.0+ gpa)
chase hendricks, wide receiver (3.21 gpa)
mykeal rabess, offensive lineman (3.68 gpa)
carter vargas, running back (3.2 gpa)
ashten emory, running back (3.7 gpa)
dorian thomas, tight end (3.6 gpa)
adam mohammed, running back (3.5 gpa)
kingston lopa, defensive back (3.0 gpa)
ian strong, wide receiver (3.75 gpa)
jacob arop, offensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
solomon williams, edge defender (3.0+ gpa)
niles davis, athlete (3.71 gpa)
daniel mcmorris, offensive tackle (3.8 gpa)
kai meza, wide receiver (3.6 gpa)
tyree "reekus" sams, wide receiver (3.3 gpa)
kamo'i huihui-white, offensive lineman (3.9 gpa)
nainoa lopes, quarterback (3.57 gpa)
kingston "lucky" schirmer, defensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
esaiah wong, offensive lineman (3.0+ gpa)
frank fauna jr, defensive lineman (4.0 gpa)
emmanuel "ej" morgan, wide receiver/kick returner (4.3 gpa)
taimane purcell, tight end (3.9 gpa)
nemyah telona, defensive lineman (3.0+ gpa)
victor santino, running back (3.0+ gpa)
elisha faamatuainu, offensive lineman (3.0+ gpa)
jaxon pyatt, linebacker (3.4 gpa)
jonathan mckinley, linebacker (4.83 gpa)

2025 class (all former walk ons are now on schollys, CONGRATS!!):

aaron hampton, inside linebacker (3.4 gpa)
jordan king, wide receiver (4.38 gpa)
alonzo esparza, quarterback (4.0 gpa)
belay brummell, quarterback (3.95 gpa)
carson perry-smith, wide receiver (4.1 gpa)
jayden parker, running back (4.16 gpa)
isaac torres, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
mayze bryant, defensive back (3.5 gpa)
jordan franke, longsnapper (3.81 gpa)
dean taylor-chapman, running back (4.0 gpa)
tobey weydemuller, defensive back (3.92 gpa)
jude mclellan, outside linebacker (3.9 gpa)
nate escalada, defensive back (4.23 gpa)
michael cooley, outside linebacker (3.0 gpa)
ewan arechaederra, longsnapper (3.6 gpa)
lucas vanderlind, inside linebacker (4.2 gpa)
bj jones, inside linebacker (3.55 gpa)
sam bjerke, offensive lineman (3.9 gpa)
cole bosica, wide receiver (4.1 gpa)
myles reber, wide receiver (3.75 gpa)
jeffrey johnson, tight end (3.7 gpa)
jack olyphant, tight end (3.72 gpa)
rj stephens, defensive lineman (3.77 gpa)
dru polidore jr, safety (3.75 gpa)
michael kern, punter (3.4 gpa)
landon morris, tight end (3.7 gpa)
jayden dixon-veal, wide receiver (2.9 gpa)
lj johnson, running back (3.7 gpa)
abram murray, kicker (4.0 gpa)
brent "paco" austin, corner/nickel (3.3 gpa)
jordan sanford, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
harrison taggart, linebacker (3.9 gpa)
chase meyer, kicker (4.3 gpa)
mark hamper, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
zae smith, defensive tackle (3.37 gpa)
daveion harley, offensive lineman (3.36 gpa)
kendrick raphael, running back (3.8 gpa)
quimari shemwell, corner/nickel back (3.0+ gpa)
brandon high jr, running back (3.3 gpa)
rino monteforte, longsnapper (4.0 gpa)
tj bush, edge defender (3.3 gpa)
quaron adams, wide receiver (3.0 gpa)
chris victor, edge defender (3.3 gpa)
jojo genova, offensive lineman (3.5 gpa)
erik peters, kicker (3.9 gpa)
devin brown, quarterback (4.4 gpa)
dazmin james, wide receiver (2.6 gpa)
justin hasenhuetl, interior offensive lineman (3.75 gpa)
jacob de jesus, wide receiver/kick returner (3.67 gpa)
caleb johnston, longsnapper (3.5 gpa)
simon mapa, tight end (3.47 gpa)
mason mini, tight end (3.8 gpa)
john gayer, edge defender (2.8 gpa)
jordon moko, offensive line (3.8 gpa)
jayden wayne, edge defender (4.0 gpa)
brook honoree jr, punter (3.8 gpa)
dominic ingrassia, quarterback (3.2 gpa)
jaron keawe sagapolutele, quarterback (3.75 gpa)
buom jock, inside linebacker (3.1 gpa)
leon bell, offensive tackle (3.1 gpa)
tristan dunn, safety (3.0 gpa)
lamar robinson, offensive guard (3.5 gpa)
tyson ruffins, interior offensive lineman (3.8 gpa)
lajuan owens, left tackle (3.2 gpa)
hezekiah masses, corner/nickel (2.7 gpa)
kyle cunanan, kicker (3.73 gpa)
tyson ford, defensive lineman (3.4 gpa)
odera okaka, edge defender (3.3 gpa)
john tofi jr, edge defender (3.8 gpa)
aiden manutai, safety (4.0 gpa)
tre' harrison, safety (4.83 gpa)
mike klisiewicz, offensive lineman (3.7 gpa)
jacob houseworth, tight end (3.15 gpa)
jae'on young, corner/nickel back (3.4 gpa)
lebron williams, defensive end (3.2 gpa)
beckham barney, inside linebacker (4.2 gpa)
anthony league, running back (3.9 gpa)
ikechukwu okafor, edge defender (3.7 gpa)
ben howard, offensive guard (3.2 gpa)
meyer swinney, hybrid wide receiver/tight end (3.75 gpa)
kaden cook, cornerback (3.4 gpa)

2024 class:

will mcdonald, left guard (3.5 gpa)
checkhsaliou fall, edge defender (3.3 gpa)
cj harris, quarterback (3.5 gpa)
serigne tounkara, edge defender (3.88 gpa)
kyion graves, wide receiver (3.3 gpa)
ryan yaites, safety (3.2 gpa)
jasiah wagoner, corner/nickel back (3.25 gpa)
tj bollers, edge defender (4.0 gpa)
corey dyches, hybrid tight end/wide receiver (3.1 gpa)
braden miller, offensive tackle (4.0 gpa)
liam johnson, inside linebacker (3.36 gpa at princeton)
khamani hudson, cornerback (3.5 gpa)
bobby engstler, punter/kicker (3.72 gpa)
jonathan "gameday" brady, wide receiver (3.2 gpa)
mikey miller, wide receiver (3.8 gpa)
victor stoffel, offensive tackle (motivated student in sweden)
kadarius calloway, running back (2.7 gpa)
ryan coe, kicker (3.5 gpa)
tobias merriweather, wide receiver (3.6 gpa)
ja'ir smith, defensive back (3.0+ gpa)
syris corley, offensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
rush reimer, offensive lineman (3.3 gpa)
marcus harris, defensive back (3.2 gpa)
aidan ikaika keanaaina, defensive tackle (4.0 gpa)
aiden newbill, offensive line (3.72 gpa)
isaiah crosby, safety (3.0+ gpa)
luke ferrelli, inside linebacker (4.0 gpa)
chandler rogers, quarterback (3.3 gpa)
teddye buchanan, inside linebacker (3.5 gpa)
josiah martin, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
jack endries, tight end (3.83 gpa)
trond grizzell, wide receiver (3.8 gpa)
bj canady, defensive tackle (3.91 gpa)
legend journey, apex predator edge defender (3.3 gpa)
ej caminong, quarterback (3.5 gpa)
dayton "dayday" aupiu, defensive back (3.51 gpa)
jamaal wiley, running back (2.75 gpa)
trevor rogers, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
michael-anthony okwura, defensive lineman (3.4 gpa)
eze osondu, inside linebacker (3.5 gpa)
brookyln cheek, defensive back (2.9 gpa)
camden jones, tight end (2.7 gpa)
tyler knape, offensive line (3.8 gpa)

2023 class:
barrett miller, offensive lineman (4.2 hs gpa & stanford mechancial engineering degree)
taj davis, wide receiver (3.2 gpa)
king doerue, running back (3.5 gpa)
isaiah ifanse, running back (3.2 gpa at montana state)
marcus scott ii, cornerback (3.3 gpa at missouri)
tidiane "frenchy" jalloh (motivated student from france)
matthew wykoff, offensive tackle (3.75 gpa)
marquez "mojo" dortch, wide receiver (2.9 gpa)
ben finley, quarterback (4.308 gpa)
patrick mcmorris, safety (3.65 gpa)
david bird, longsnapper (4.0 gpa)
marquis montgomery, wide receiver (3.4 gpa)
martin tine, offensive tackle (2.9 gpa)
stanley mckenzie, nose tackle (3.3 gpa)
david reese, outside linebacker (3.7 gpa)
sam jackson v, quarterback (2.8 gpa)
brian hightower, wide receiver (3.2 gpa)
justin williams-thomas aka j-will, running back (4.0 gpa)
asher alberding, tight end (3.85 gpa)
jt byrne, tight end (3.75 gpa)
lachlan wilson, punter (strong student from australia)
byron caldwell, running back (3.3 gpa)
sergio allen, inside linebacker (3.4 gpa)
matt littlejohn, defensive back (3.0 gpa)
jaivian "the jet" thomas, running back (3.4 gpa)
nohl williams, defensive back (3.61 gpa)
kaylin moore, defensive back (3.4 gpa)
frederick williams iii, offensive line (3.6 gpa)
zurich ashford, defensive end (3.62 gpa)
ben marshall, tight end (3.4 gpa)
ryan mcculloch, outside linebacker (4.1 gpa)
tiumalu afalava, defensive line (4.1 gpa)
cade uluave, inside linebacker (3.85 gpa)
sailasa vadrawale, defensive back (3.46 gpa)
nyziah hunter, wide receiver (2.7 gpa)
nick morrow, offensive tackle (3.7 gpa)
michael luckhurst, kicker (4.37 gpa)



wow, that was quite the introduction, doechii, we're gonna have to talk after class...don't forget to take the chicken out

https://instagr.am/p/DAb8NtkBYtv
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wifeisafurd
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In reply to Shocky1 • 12:26a, 5/29/26
Shocky1 said:
2026 buc-ee's step brothers tournament in dallas: 1st round update

https://instagr.am/p/DY4_2OhFkNT
max homa (66, tied for 15th): an absolute ball striking clinic (hitting an unreal 16 outta 18 greens in regulation at the gil hanse terrific renovation of colonial) with NEW caddie peter pappageorge!!

so who the **** is peter pappageorge??

peter is a longtime close friend of max, really doesn't know **** about golf (the shockster is now homa's future caddie5) & played hoops at burlingame high school (and la canada junior college) before becoming the 489th leading scorer in the history of the long beach state 49ers!!


https://www.smdailyjournal.com/sports/a-will-to-improve---peter-pappageorge-boys-basketball-player-of-the-year/article_e1d788ab-bf26-549f-9ab7-a6b2d7959cc3.html

pappageorge's strength is that he can help our sometimes self loathing (modern yoga would help max become kinder to himself) cali bear have FUN, homa plays his best golf when he's SMILING/LAUGHING (rite lacey??) focused in the moment without anger & grudges and other stupid **** (like still being mad at john)

yeah peter pappageorge is kinda like max homa's step brother or something



michael kim (-1 thru 13 holes): a home game for michael, he got a 15 foot birdie putt when he marked his ball on the par 4 14th green due to heavy storms/lightning...honestly why would anybody with choices live in texas (other than the economic value play benefit of no state income tax)??


PGA quote of the year: some reporter asked my guy justin thomas some dumb azz question about something to which jt responded, "how would i know, i'm just a college (alabama) drop out??"


PGA question of the year: is low gpa/fellow hopa hopa rickie fowler still mad at the monster because his 4.0 gpa at newport harbor berkeley grad wife allison married him in a pathetic attempt to make me jealous or something??

https://instagr.am/p/BPs1UNGD3VI

^ coach lup has indisputably broken 6 different code of conduct rules at los angeles country club with this non sanctioned foto, tosh's hosting member (who probably grew up at the santa monica beach club, graduated from harvard prep then yale & a respected longstanding member of the downtown jonathan club) is gonna get a letter from the club prez re: the club's intoleration of berkeley hippies ruining everything in civilized society on planet earth!!

**** them (just kidding rogg machine, when is our next tee time on the north??)!!#

Not exactly. LACC President last time I looked was a Cal grad, the swag came from a Cal grad hosting member, the football was the idea of some ******** whose wife says he spends too much time on BI, and the picture was sanctioned (hint: you bring 200 plus folks for a catered event, any club will bend its rules some). LACC was a great host.
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2:32a, 5/29/26
https://instagr.am/p/CtrSSoHuNu-
^ that's awesome alex, glad nobody got in trouble (schulzy almost never wears vilebrequin swim trunks to lunch on the patio or hits the green in regulation on the brutal front pin position on the north's par 3 15th hole at lacc) or something!!

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8:52a, 5/29/26

real talk: marshawn is one of the few people (jaylen brown is another) that could positively impact the current abysmal men's & women's attendance at haas pavilion which is a function of FAILING marketing/branding/connectivity/personal engagement to a YOUNGER fanbase via FUN authentic storytelling

the current lame sorry azz **** is NOT working to make anybody a bears hoops fan, keeping roster & recruiting info a SECRET just fails the common sense test as evidenced by an EMPTY haas on gamedays

the current content from the athletic department & the fan sites is an excellent substitute for melatonin, do these writers even read their non readable ai level garbage which is kinda reminiscent of journalistic hack jonathan okanes in his prime??

last season's 20+ wins is proof yet again that the naive thinking that winning will draw new fans to the basketball programs is an outdated concept in today's fiercely competitive 6 second attention span economy

fire jay & jenny (berkeley grad andrew mcgraw for athletic director)#
^ yesterday's worthless jay & jenny notes suggests the chancellor has not made a move yet on the anti football/basketball bureaucrats that each got $500,000 employment contracts up for renewal on july 1, 2026
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In reply to BearlyGray • 11:02a, 5/29/26
BearlyGray said:
Is Papageorge related to the great Papageorge who played at St Mary's? That man could shoot

His son.
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9:34p, 5/29/26
2026 buc-ee's next door to the tcu football stadium tournament: 2nd round update

https://instagr.am/p/DOE6YrUD-zX
michael kim (67, tied for 47th): just like the pga championship another closing holes fantastic sprint to make the cut playing the final 4 holes 2 under par!!...playing solid golf with every club in the bag, let's ******* go mr chipotle (buc-ee's is tasty but the next stop is the angioplasty emergency room)!!

yeah the group's wut's up on the 1st tee tomorrow are gonna be kinda brief, hitting the opening tee ball on the scoreable dogleg right par 5 1st hole is really beneficial to a big azz SMILE walking down the 1st fairway


max homa (71, tied for 47th): after hitting 16 greens yesterday homa only hit 10 greens as his irons wuz not dialed in today particularly with skanky tee balls on the final 3 par 3s...but max kept a positive attitude (which is critical moving forward) & had a remarkable up & down stretch on the 6th thru the 9th holes turning a potential 75 into a 71...proud of my fellow cali golden bear's mental resilience!!

real talk: dallas is NOT dubai

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11:57p, 5/29/26

^ fun fact: jaron keawe sagapoltele is an elite 11 camp counselor this week in so cal!!

cal's 2027 spida man & friends superheroes class!!#

https://instagr.am/p/DYfNSZ8BsuW
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1:49p, 5/30/26
2026 buc-ee relocation to cali fundraising tournament: 3rd round update



michael kim (69, tied for 28th): michael missed 8 outta 14 fairways/6 foot birdie putts on the 1st & 18th holes on a swirling windy spring day in dallas but still managed to shoot in the 60s & move up 20+ spots on the leaderboard...plus our cali bear can drive home & sleep in his own bed (in kim's painful lifestyle decision to not pay any state income tax, he would probably relocate to uranus if he could avoid any federal income taxes)!!

^ too bad this kid's gpa is 2.42 in 4th grade at reverse cowgirl elementary school in plano, he will probably be a college drop out someday like his idol jt, roll tide!!

max homa (71, tied for 46th): max kinda lost his **** on the par 3 16th hole slamming his sand wedge into his chipotle/silverleaf endorsed golf bag with pappageorge standing dangerously close nearby but still finished strong knocking it stiff to 4 feet on the iconic dogleg left par 4 18th hole for a closing birdie 3...yeah a couple of misplayed flop & bunker shots today but that's just ******* golf, get over it brah

homa wore some really ugly baggy azz pants with expandable waist linings as part of his lulu lemon ambassador duties to move product...shocky gotta complex special deal (thx to his current modern yoga status as a syt17) with vilebrequin which allows him to buy a pair of signature 350 euro swim trunks for twice that amount


^ golf carts r for losers (like the ged unedukated golf magazine grifters who r not liked/respected by the nicklaus organization, fafo)!!


^ real talk: even them former texans like buc-ee still miss that cbyf1 with a ponytail on the beach where they used to run!!

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (for seabirds flying to the sun)
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6:27p, 5/30/26





cal's 2027 spida man & friends superheroes class!!#

https://instagr.am/p/C-3jgM_tyuc
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8:56p, 5/30/26

humble faith based 3.75 gpa JARON KEAWE SAGAPOLUTELE is projected at the #1 overall top pick in the 2028 NFL draft!!


do u got ur season tix(s) for the UC Championship Game on saturday september 5, 2026??

watching on tv is NOT even remotely the same as experiencing the MAGIC of college football on fall gamedays at memorial stadium with the seagulls circling above & the cannon blasting on tightwad hill after every jks back shoulder thru an 18 inch window touchdown strike!!

let's ******* go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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In reply to Shocky1 • 10:56p, 5/30/26
Shocky1 said:
2027 high school recruiting update:


1) serious question, has a 4.2 gpa football player evah enrolled at an academically mediocre school like byu??...real talk: byu is NOT even in the same galaxy academically as berkeley, stanford & the ivy league

2) is elyjah an eskimo & does he thrive in 5 months freezing azz snowy winters in utah??...does staples own an igloo or something??

3) how much time & money would it cost moms & dad to get from so cal to salt lake city (assuming there are no weather delays later in the season) on gamedays vs the simple cali 2 hour southwest flight to oakland on fall saturday mornings with other bearents??

https://instagr.am/p/DRNzcVvjPFc
50 year decision (brrrrhhhhhhh, man it's cold!!)#

https://instagr.am/p/DY_aGvFxesh
KAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!


WELCOME 4.2 gpa elyjah, ur making a 50 year decision move towards building generational wealth for u & ur fam!!
^ go ahead and sell the parka & igloo brah, got it??
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In reply to Shocky1 • 12:15a, 5/31/26
Shocky1 said:
2027 high school recruiting update:


the bears offensive braintrust is targeting nightmare matchups 6'6" 215 lbs rahzario "zo" edwards from pipeline program grant union high school in sacrmaneto


zo is gonna officially trip to berkeley on may 28-31st

yeah does edwards wanna join his pacer teammates giovanni hodge & roger vanderhoef as part of the 2027 california golden bears high school class??

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and a short drive on fall gamedays from the capital to memorial stadium)


KAAAAAABBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

many thx to the entire pacers staff (including syd) for working with coach lup & the bears staff in constructing a developing pipeline from sac town to the #1 ranked public university in the WORLD!!
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