cal's monster offensive line

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Shocky1
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6:00p, 2/1/26
https://instagr.am/p/DUOnMc8ko7O
louisville cardinals 71
california golden bears 59

PROPS to the acc's most improved player gisella maul who is a factor on both ends of the court with her tenacity & body control!!

but the reality is that this team (13-10, 4-6) is poorly coached by a head coach with a career sub .300 conference record...smith continues to play the program's most productive scorer naya ojuwku outta position at the 5 where she is undersized & then limit her to 10 minutes....naya is a nightmare matchup at the 4, today's starting 4 (not ojuwku) scored ZERO points in 23 minutes

another abysmal crowd at haas with only 2,303 on hand to see the bears compete against the #7 ranked team in the nation on a sunday afternoon in berkeley...keep in mind the wnba valkyries across the bay averaged 18,064 this season in the women's basketball supportive bay area

once again as long as chancellor lyons enables the evil as **** jennifer simon-o'neil to mismanage the women's sports programs in berkeley nothing is gonna change & the wbb fanbase will be limited to a couple hundred 75+ year old spectators that will not be able to fund the necessary nil dollars to compete for top recruits and/or fundraise the critically needed basketball practice facility

and that's a shame

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In reply to Shocky1 • 6:27p, 2/1/26
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:
2027 high school football recruiting update:


3.2 gpa 6'1" 170 lbs corner/nickel from serra high school in so cal duvay williams is a key target for the staff, gotta keep the ELITE good gpa local talent in cali!!


the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university on planet earth (and an hour flite on southwest to memorial stadium on fall gamedays for the fam & friends)

update: duvay is tripping to berkeley this weekend!!

2027 high school recruiting update:
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7:04p, 2/1/26
2026 phoenix wasted open tournament: preview update


shocky got his hands full with coaching/mentoring responsibilities this week at the tpc scottsdale

some players develop quicker & are more adaptive to the monster's tutelage than others

**** me

https://instagr.am/p/B1jTGCmIhlB
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Shocky1
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7:36p, 2/1/26
https://instagr.am/p/DNEkOiSSCDx
shocky had a FUN 3+ hour lunch today at the chandler mall cheesecake factory (ordered the spaghetti with meat sauce & extra mushrooms with a slice of linda's fudge cake, burp) with cal men's legendary golf coach steve desimone & his son robert (who is a successful high school hoops coach in gilbert)...the monster tried to invite his favorite fb player the acc's most underrated player quaron adams to lunch too but apparently u still gotta read books & **** to earn a berkeley degree these days

yeah everybody loves des

anyways shocky has had the tremendous honor of building relationships with 3 bears head coaches who strived to win NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS (which des did on the 18th green of the homestead cascades course back in the day): steve desimone, lindsay gottlieb & cuonzo martin

fingers crossed on tosh lupoi & michael wilson!!


^ roberta tole me that every morning the 1st thing her husband would do would be to check his phone to make sure nobody got in trouble that nite & then read cal's monster class to find out wut wuz going on in his program!!
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swan
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8:24p, 2/1/26
Hey Shocky,

Have you had the opportunity to spend any time with Mark Madsen or Tosh?

Has Jaylen Brown met Madsen?

It would be terrific to see Jaylen or Jaylon Tyson back in Haas at a game.
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3:15a, 2/2/26
wut up swan??



when madsen wuz hired hoop dreams & me chatted with him in the north end zone tunnel on a september fall cal football gameday (the above foto wuz taken then) right before the bears ran onto the field...mark wuz very gracious & the monster made the following 5 recommendations:

1) demand that cal marketing administration (keep in mind at that point shocky wuz the only person on planet earth who wuz lobbying for markeisha everrett & general knowlton to be fired) offer FREE tixs to all students on cal men's basketball gamedays as a critically needed pipeline for future season tix buyers/donors (emphasized that the current mbb excellence in basketball donors are rapidly aging out)

2) bring in a poly basketball player as an identifiable fan favorite to facilitate student interest in men's basketball at a university with demographics of a student base that is just south of 50% asian...explained how shocky researched nor cal asian basketball prospects with the assistance of multiple sources including lou richie & justin labagh and gave this recruiting information to cuonzo martin & tracy webster which ultimately resulted in the signing of me & my daughter's lifelong brah half japanese/half black brenden glapion wuz as a walk on whose entry into games wuz met with spirited bedlam by the students & his teammates...yeah brenden graduated from berkeley, then the boalt law school & is today getting minted as a imminent domain attorney in san francisco



3) prioritize fundraising for a dedicated basketball practice facility & demand a detailed update from general knowlton who wuz flat out lying to madsen & alums about the progress (or lack thereof) of fundraising according to my multiple sources within the athletic department who hated the former athletic director

4) build a coaching staff with younger (mark fox had the oldest assistant coaching staff in d1 basketball in the nation, a fact that wuz never reported upon in cal men's basketball coverage) berkeley grads...tole mark that joe pasternack had called me asking for my support (got my phone number from his brother in law roxy bernstein) & in response to my questions re: building a staff would've hired berkeley grads theo robertson & richard midgley as assistant coaches & lou richie as an academic mentor (all 3 of these guys are close friends with dennis gates who would've become a behind the scenes advocate for mbb)

5) transparently build fan & recruits interest in the program by publicly sharing recruiting information via FREE social media & message board outlets ala cal's monster class...tole him that i had written "welcome to berkeley" emails to his newly hired assistant coaches & didn't get a response from any of them other than matt scherbenske

in retrospect NONE of these 5 points got followed up on and/or completed: cal is currently 17th outta 18 teams in acc attendance, there are no plans for shovels in the ground with the failed leadership of jay & jenny and maddog don't got the nil dollars to recruit mcdonalds all americans...honestly got no interest these days in a program that turns over the roster every season with guys that are not earning berkeley degrees...jaylon tyson (just like his bro wr jordyn at asu who will be drafted in the upcoming nfl draft) had zero academic ambition, he didn't declare for the nba draft as much as tyson wuz basically flunking out in berkeley

my guess is that shocky will meet/our paths will cross with tosh in person at some point this fall when he attends every fb game on the 2026 schedule, lupoi clearly understands the importance of recruiting with young hungry assistant coaches that wanna sell berkeley's degree opportunities in conjunction with the recruiting leadership of marshall cherrington & benji palu as we target high gpa prospects with academic ambition

when shocky & cal's monster class wuz tole to **** off back in the day, cal athletics not only lost the dumb azz but also his yoga buddy jaylen brown & quite a few other former bears hoopers who could've helped the mbb program in moving forwards on an upwards trajectory in terms of recruiting, gameday attendance metrics, mcdonalds all american prospects nil fundraising & the critically needed dedicated basketball practice facility fundraising


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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 8:43a, 2/2/26
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:

^ somerville & rolo need to line up the bears behind center (**** the pistol) in 2026 short yardage situations

https://instagr.am/p/DS0rfvIDHbe
shocky walked a brisk 18 holes this morning with his biz mentor (schulzie got highly cherished mentors/friends for various aspects of his life, if u think u know everything ur a ******* dumb azz) jj at desert highlands (just reopened after a fabulous restoration which pulled out all the non indigenous to the desert trees, expanded green surfaces to their original sizes & switched from bermuda to bent greens (the putting surfaces are immaculate)

anyways on the way outta the clubhouse after a quick healthy lunch shocky bumped into nfl half of fame defensive coordinator (gotta home with macaroni grill architecture to the right of the par 5 11th tee box) marv lewis & the monster asked him if there's every any good reason for a college offensive coordinator to dial up short yardages situations from the shotgun

marv tole me that if ur qb1 is pro style (like jks) & not a dangerous run/read threat with his legs (like kylar murray), it makes NO SENSE to not be under center in short yardage situations!!

lewis also confirmed to me (just like jeff tedford has done to me) that the fastest way to get the ball in the hands of ELITE running backs with SPEED like rb1 adam mohammed & rb1/2 carter vargas on the edges in open space is ******* PITCHOUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!


phoenix cardinals head coach search update: a golf buddy high level executive within the phoenix cardinals organization has confirmed to me that although ron rivera wuz interviewed that he will NOT be the cards next nfl head coach

marv lewis laughingly has tole me in recent years that one of his side hustle gigs (kinda like my writing fortune cookie inserts) to pay past due bills & **** is to interview for multiple head coaching positions at various nfl organizations...the rooney rule requires that minority candidates be interviewed, applicants like marv know they got no chance (he's too old now) but he gets an all expenses premium vacay to the host team's headquarters plus a financially worthwhile "stipend" (basically a bribe to look the other way)

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5:49p, 2/2/26

real talk: when shocky recruited fellow stinson beach high school qb1 via berkeley grad/mcal all star 3rd baseman jerry (a longtime daily reader of cal's monster class) it wuz with the understanding that the 3.7 gpa student athlete would earn a berkeley degree, be the #1 selection overall in the NFL draft and most importantly would date & marry a curvy brunette yoga female1 (cbyf1) with a SMOKESHOW ponytail!!

https://instagr.am/p/DR4_qt_D_F6
yeah berkeley is a ******* dream school when ur standing next to a cbyf1!!



can u drive the short par 4 cliffside 10th hole at indian valley (or do u just laugh at urself & will she remember u tomorrow)??#



^ shocky's tiger moms would yell at ron to tuck in his shirt!!
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Shocky1
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6:35p, 2/2/26
https://instagr.am/p/DT_d9BgkiCY
what are ur culinary traditions surrounding cal football in the fall??

do u also get trim on gamedays (think the supercuts on shattuck closes at 7:00 pm on saturdays)??

https://instagr.am/p/CdZfqytj5Da


the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (including the bros of wall street & the cbyf1s that luv them)
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7:03p, 2/2/26
cal's monster class APPROVED recruiting techniques:




this **** is getting LIVE!!#
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Shocky1
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7:20p, 2/2/26
the california golden bears golf team playing in the spectacular san francisco bay area with unlimited BRIGHT futures after earning degrees from the #1 ranked public university in the WORLD:

https://instagr.am/p/DUPcGz5ESuo
the oklahoma state low gpa ****tards living in ****hole low key racist stillwater with shaky futures on the run in mexico at the age of 30 with no way out, they are 100% ******:


^ white people r funny/strange & often dress poorly with no style



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including the beautiful people of mexico particularly those with a brunette ponytail)
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Shocky1
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3:35a, 2/3/26
ANOTHER WORTHLESS BUREAUCRATS UPDATE FROM JAY AND JENNY: FEBRUARY 2026

Welcome Berkeley Bears Fans!!

EXCITING times with new Head Coach Tosh Lupoi on the recruiting front and ticket sales which is ironic because we've been asked to have NOTHING to do with the football program since General Manager Ron Rivera was hired and in light of both of us working AGAINST football for the last decade (right before we were hired as Co Athletic Directors we tried to cut the football nutrition budget and self reported several staff members for minor football recruiting violations)!!

We're also excited that new Chief Marketing Officer Jason Hobar will NOT be reporting to us (which is not the normal organizational chain of command at every other D1 school) but rather Beth Tafolla-Voetsch after our kinda failed marketing experiment with Markeisha Everett. That's less work for us for sure!!

So what exactly do we do for our each just south of $500,000 annual salary??

Jay's primary job these days is Cal Men's Basketball which despite a potential NCCA tournament team is 17th out of 18 teams in ACC attendance and fundraising for a dedicated basketball practice facility which has ZERO progress primarily because Jay has the personality of a dead squirrel!!


https://theacc.com/stats.aspx?path=mbball&year=2025

The EVIL as **** Jenny who is best remembered for her role with the abused suicidal women's swimmers is overseeing a Cal Women's Basketball program that is also near the bottom of the ACC in attendance despite the fact that the WNBA Valkyries averaged 18,064 fans per game in the Bay Area's wildly supportive fanbase of women's hoops!!

Cal softball is going to be a ****show this season because Jenny didn't realize that the former head coach was a bully who alienated players, their Bearents and the rest of the coaching staff. Remarkably Jenny extended Coach Spencer's contract just months before her meltdown, who knew!!

And the once perennial NCCA Volleyball program is beyond breaking bad under Jenny's abysmal leadership too!!

Despite not being Berkeley grads (who really don't get it) and failing performances by literally every possible metric Chancellor Lyons is allowing us to remain in power with combined salaries of $1,000,000 (along with the annual General Knowlton payouts of $1,200,000 thru 2029) at a time when a financial tsunami is heading towards Berkeley with reduced State and Federal funding but why should we worry about that, NOT our problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gooooooooo Bears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Co Athletic Directors
Jennifer Simon-O'neil
Jay Larson
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4:54p, 2/3/26
2027 high school recruiting update:


with a relatively small targeted high school class of 15+ ELITE prospects for 2027, 6'6" 340 lbs dajohn yarborough from basha high school in the east valley (arizona) is emerging as a priority offensive tackle target

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university on planet earth (including the chandler fashion square mall)
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Shocky1
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6:21p, 2/3/26
2026 phoenix wasted open tournament: 1st round tee times


let's be real here, shocky's coaching/development duties this week of his bears are very similar to the responsibilities of tiger woods in the not nearly as important tgl "competitions" except that the monster works for FREE & isn't paid jack****!!

thursday tee times:

michael kim: 7:42 am 1st tee
max homa: 12:22 pm 1st tee (playing with his amigo joel "man boobs" dahmen)
collin morikawa: 12:32 pm 1st tee

so the plan will be for shocky to walk the morning 18 holes with michael, try to find a quick healthy lunch (maybe dip into player dining) & then go back and forth between max & collin (playing in back to back groups) in the afternoon depending upon whose en fuego or something

yeah it's gonna be a 15+ mile day for the monster and with all the asu boobage on display at the world's largest golf tournament (almost 1,000,000 spectators for the week) it will be very important for shocky to keep his eyes focused on his duties & NOT be distracted (in the same way schulzy is always dialed in at modern yoga with zero low key looking at the teacher/classmates sideways when guzzling his perriers, u can't believe everything anton says) by any of them cbyf1s!!

https://instagr.am/p/DAPFXl4SHKb


ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE: this is the 9th consecutive post by shocky, he cannot post again unless there is monster reader posts/engagement per the rules of of the bearinsider.com
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TomBalk
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2:51p, 2/4/26
Shocky, Any comments on the NSD signings today?

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5:13p, 2/4/26
https://instagr.am/p/DUT3DsiEpQZ
^ this is NOT the undersized cal men's golf team (sigh)



MONSTER athletes will beat the living **** outta smaller opponents (and WIN football games with 6 seconds of ******* violence on every ******* play)!!#
^ this barbaric philosophy is not shared by the kind folks at modern yoga *who have unfairly rated shocky as a substitute yoga teacher17 (syt17)...**** me (so wut if me & my brah quaron adams got t-rex arms??)
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Shocky1
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5:54p, 2/4/26
tom, CONGRATS to all the new bears getting fresh kicks!!



https://instagr.am/p/DUTanF6CSLA
wut time does the build a bear at desert ridge close tonite (the bird must fly in berkeley!!)??#
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6:08p, 2/4/26

^ rich, vals should be handling the social media for the entire university not just the football program, she is an exceptional creative talent (plus she got a ponytail)

KABBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!

WELCOME 6'3" 205 lbs high end upside (a star volleyball player in hs) tight end sosaia noa from grant high school to berkeley, yeah thx to syd & the pacers fb staff the sac town pipeline to the bay is open for biz!!

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and only a 90 minute drive for the fam & friends from the state capital to memorial stadium on fall gamedays)
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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 6:32p, 2/4/26
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:


my guy mateen bhaghani wuz not the only guy who didn't build a trusting relationship with ryan longwell (and also wilcox & cherrington who both got blind spots for special team personnel) which resulted in 4.0 gpa david bird from phoenix chasing a bag from alabama & throwing away a berkeley degree

david's kinda worthless alabama (or really any deep south diploma other than duke, vanderbilt or georgia tech) degree isn't gonna open any doors back in zony but looking forward to seeing the bird at desert ridge next year working at build a bear, the supercuts apprentice program or something (maybe a kiss gene simmons cover band??)



stfu shocky (why do u think u know ******* everything??)#

^ the monster would luv to see the high upside assistant gm marshall cherrington develop in his special teams personnel evaluations & for ron rivera to coordinate for mc to visit/shadow a nfl special teams coach this offseason for a couple of days




we are very BUSY people (what time does the build a bear at desert ridge close today??)#


KAAABBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not gonna lie, 4.0 gpa david bird returning from ****hole tuscaloosa to earn his degree from the #1 ranked public university in maricopa county is really a special signing for me personally with my obsession with cal football special teams (david wuz the #1 ranked longsnapper in the nation at sandra day connor high school & got legit nfl upside) & my strong conviction that we need more latinos y latinas earning berkeley degrees!!

VAMOS MI AMIGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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NVBear78
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In reply to Shocky1 • 8:36p, 2/4/26
Shocky1 said:
2027 high school recruiting update:


with a relatively small targeted high school class of 15+ ELITE prospects for 2027, 6'6" 340 lbs dajohn yarborough from basha high school in the east valley (arizona) is emerging as a priority offensive tackle target

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university on planet earth (including the chandler fashion square mall)



Need to update the targeted number of high schoolers for next year.
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8:50p, 2/4/26
fair enough jeff, the point is that 2027 high school schollys are gonna be at a PREMIUM with the explosive growth of the transfer portal...high gpa student athletes would be well advised to accept berkeley actionable offers if there is a strong academic component of their decision making process
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9:20p, 2/4/26

jordan spasojevic-moko cheap shot hit a bows player after the game (who he felt had disrespected a teammate during the bowl game's final play), didn't thank coach anae in his farewell post, got minimal interest in the transfer portal & is now declaring for the nfl draft

shocky's newly incorporated MONSTERLOSEURAZZ.COM is now accepting sports book bets for moko with the house giving 66,580 to 1 odds that he don't make a NFL roster


michael kern is throwing away a berkeley degree for a new mexico degree (hope the green chili is worth it)

real talk: a lotta guys are throwing away berkeley degrees (basically a winning lottery tix for life) & now are ****** in a ruthless dance of musical chairs with not enuf seats for everybody (or enrolled at academically azzwipe skools like austin peay, weber state & louisiana-monroe), the transfer portal got 50 year consequences for the losers of this game

but the saddest loser is the 4.48 gpa 17 year old young lady who grew up in the nickerson gardens section 8 housing project who got her heart broken when berkeley (her dream school) sent her a rejection letter because some delusional nfl dreaming football ****tard took her admission spot (and then didn't graduate)

**** around and find out



current bears in the transfer portal:

ben marshall (austin peay)
syris corley
aidan keenaaina (out of eligibility at this time)
jayden dixon-veal
jaiven plummer (georgia tech)
tyson ford (ucla)
chase meyer (withdrawn)
brook honore jr
rino monteforte (kansas)
jordan spasojevic-moko (declared for nfl draft)
jacob houseworth (uc davis)
landon morris (wake forest)
kendrick raphael (smu)
braden miller (duke)
cade uluave (byu)
dazmin james (appalachian state)
ryan mcculloch (ucla)
kaden cook (jacksonville state)
myles reber
isaac torres
eze osundu (utsa)
daveion harley (florida international)
harrison taggart (utah state)
abram murray (louisiana-monroe)
belay brummel
ike okafor (washington state)
cam sidney (withdrawn)
lajuan owens (central arkansas)
luke ferrelli (ole miss)
nate burrell (withdrawn)
devin brown (weber state)
brandon high jr (utsa)
tj bush (minnesota)
nick morrow (kansas)
michael kern (new mexico)
leon bell (colorado)
ej caminong (withdrawn)
curlee thomas (north texas)
buom jock (wake forest)



young, dumb & broke (at age 30)#

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (for those that wanna do the hard work, this **** is NOT easy)
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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 9:26p, 2/4/26
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:
https://instagr.am/p/-Dgtl7rRLq
message to today's football stars:

ur day in the sun is now but do u evah talk to those that u don't already know at school or quietly ask ur fellow student whose sitting alone with tears in their eyes if everything is ok??

people are not gonna remember u for the **** u did on the football field, they're gonna remember how u made them feel

both good and bad, no cap


and there's gonna be a lotta guys nationwide who believed the lies of commission driven agents & desperate coaches who tole them there wuz gonna be bags of money for them in the transfer portal only to find out that there's no schollys available for them anywhere including their old schools...at that point they gonna be just another ******* uneducated dumb azz moving the clouds on the loading docks at restoration hardware

yeah those of u with high gpas might have an opportunity to earn a berkeley, stanford or ivy league degree that will help u build generational wealth in a fiercely competitive global economy that with the growth of ai technology is widening the gap between the poor & the rich

r u gonna use football & earn an ELITE degree or is football gonna use u with the nil money all spent by the time ur 30 years old with no legit career path??

and more importantly, r u a kind person that would make ur moms smile with the way u extend urself to others particularly those who might be occupying a dark space??



https://instagr.am/p/DRLRgfIDJEt

https://instagr.am/p/DJIWwJmynHF
message to today's football stars:

the 1st day of classes in berkeley is next tuesday january 20th, r u gonna reach out to those that might not be in a good mental space (and this includes all living creatures including animals) or r u gonna just walk around campus with ur beats on (not ur ******* problem)??

mental health is real (and u can be part of the solution to help those experiencing depression/alienation, a hug from u might help save a life)#

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4:02a, 2/5/26
2026 phoenix wasted open: 1st round on the clock

let's ******* go (shocky will keep his coaching/development promises while them cbyf1s are dressed to the 9s when 6s and 7s would do)!!#



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5:39p, 2/5/26
2026 phoenix wasted open: 1st round update


max homa (69, tied for 27th): max's swing is organized & he's mentally in a good place playing with his goofy azz buddy joel dahmen & cashmere keith mitchell, would not surprised if homa goes low tomorrow morning with the less windy conditions than this afternoon...smoked an unreal 360+ yard bomb on the par 5 13th hole (no elevation change) en route to a tap in birdie 4!!

michael kim (71, tied for 56th): as one of the tour's best putters, not a great day on the greens (only 51 feet of putts made) due to michael missing the vast majority of his putts on the low side not factoring in the north scottsdale grain break towards downtown phoenix...if shocky had been on his bag this round would've been in the 60s!!

colin morikawa (72, tied for 76th): missing an uncharacteristic 8 of the 14 fairways didn't allow collin to attack a lotta pins, good news is that morikawa brought in his caddie for 3 reads which resulted in a tricky slippery 15 foot birdie putt drained on the par 5 3rd hole

real talk: hey shocky, how many low gpa cbyf1s & cbyf2s did u see at tpc scottsdale today??
answer: 115

https://instagr.am/p/DUXPnDNEYPR
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Shocky1
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8:47p, 2/5/26

california golden bears 63
georgia tech bulldogs 56

texas transfer gisella maul is unequivocally the acc most improved player, tonite led her team with 17 points (on a highly efficient 6 of 10 field goals), an unreal 10 boards & 5 assists!!

the bears (14-10) are a next 4 out in ncca tournament bracketology, if you have never been to a wbb game next week's critical acc battles with virginia (february 12th) & virginia tech (february 15th) might be a good time to check out this FUN brand of exciting basketball!!


^ lola donez is from lahaina hawaii, not all the great poly bears play football, right jaron??
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8:54p, 2/5/26

https://instagr.am/p/DTgqgNejJpJ
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JB was a Chieftain
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5:01p, 2/6/26
Shocks, I know you prefer your 32oz green drank but what was/is the alcoholic drink of choice?
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Shocky1
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6:26p, 2/6/26

haha jb, ur rite that shocky luvs his 32 oz green juice every morning (which facilitates excellent gut health & pooping like a race horse!!) but he don't drink on football gamedays and/or at golf tournaments (walked 4 18 hole rounds basically 30+ miles the last 48 hours) because of his bears coaching/player responsibilities

https://instagr.am/p/DEYB7Opy_mR
the monster's favorite drink is a grape flavored transfusion (or maybe a blackberry mojito) with high end (not because shocky is a snob but the cheap **** gives us a headache the next morning) vodka which is served outta the lemonade cart stand by the 10th tee box at augusta national

https://instagr.am/p/DUBLm2wDLkq
shockey's 3 favorite places to enjoy a drink:

1) the bar at the george v in paris
2) the bird cage at my favorite golf course the national golf links of america in the hamptons
3) the patio at my favorite restaurant nobu malibu

https://instagr.am/p/BFSAbu4LRPA
wut's ur favorite drink and/or watering hole??
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Big C
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In reply to Shocky1 • 7:11p, 2/6/26
Shocky1 said:
haha jb, ur rite that shocky luvs his 32 oz green juice every morning (which facilitates excellent gut health & pooping like a race horse!!) but he don't drink on football gamedays and/or at golf tournaments (walked 4 18 holes rounds basically 30+ miles the last 48 hours) because of his bears coaching/player responsibilities

https://instagr.am/p/DEYB7Opy_mR
the monster's favorite drink is a grape flavored transfusion (or maybe a blackberry mojito) with high end (not because shocky is a snob but the cheap **** gives us a headache the next morning) vodka which is served outta the lemonade cart stand by the 10th tee box at augusta national

shockey's 3 favorite places to enjoy a drink:

1) the bar at the george v in paris
2) the bird cage at my favorite golf course the national golf links of america in the hamptons
3) the patio at my favorite restaurant nobu malibu

https://instagr.am/p/BFSAbu4LRPA
wut's ur favorite drink and/or watering hole??

My favorite watering hole is outside Stanfurd Stadium, on the Saturday before Thanksgiving in odd-numbered years, wherever they decide to let Cal fans park. It's pretty much the only time I have more than two drinks these days.

Favorite drink there is grapefruit juice and mid-priced vodka, except -- semi-funny story -- my buddies kept refusing my drinks last November and then suddenly it dawned on me why, we are all on statin meds. I'm on 'em, too... and I had already downed 3-4. Oh well, I'm feeling fine ten weeks later, despite...
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7:27p, 2/6/26
2026 phoenix wasted open: 2nd round update


michael kim (65, tied for 10th): after reading yesterday's monster post re: his failure to properly account for the north scottsdale downtown phoenix pull (grain) on his putt reads in the 1st round, michael went thru his 1st round last nite & realized that schulzy wuz rite & made the adjustment pre round on the putting green

just a FANTASTIC round of golf rolling in 8 BIRDIE putts (with shocks screaming "let's go michael, let's do this, go bears!!") like a boss man!!

and luv michael's 2 year strategy on the par 4 18th hole of bombing driver/aiming way the **** right into the grandstands (worst case scenario results in a free drop in the trampled down non overseeded rough) to the right (eliminating the miss left into the lake/church pew bunker) which worked again in hitting the cart path for extra yardage & a gap wedge flip to to the green on the 442 yard finishing hole

yeah michael is representing berkeley for FREE with the large cal script on his golf bag

hot dogs at the phx open are 9 bucks, getting coached up by shocky is priceless!!


max homa (68, tied for 19th): max is in total control of his golf ball, just a bunch of burned edges today en route a mediocre 54 feet in putts made...homa is adored by the local supporting crowd despite yesterday wearing tricked out golf kicks made by puma with la dodger lettering...fully expecting a strong weekend finish for maxamillion as he climbs the leaderboard!!

and most importantly max is smiling & having FUN playing golf (and that's a ******* beautiful thing!!)

collin morikawa (69, tied for 62nd): shocky bumped into collin at the crosswalk to his opening tee box from the practice facility & encouraged him to bring in his experienced caddie mark urbanek on greens reading (that's what teamwork is all about, no need to be the lone ******* ranger dano)

so on his opening hole morikawa stuffs a wedge to 3 feet for a tap in birdie & then on his next hole brings in urbanek (who does aim point too like his player) for a tricky left to right slippery 10 footer racing towards downtown for another birdie which is DRAINED!!

this **** is getting live!!

wrong (sigh)

and then morikawa only brings in urbanek once or twice more to help read greens (which results in another 10 footer par save on the par 4 1st hole) & continues his 1st round/2nd round putting woes by missing 90% of his putts on the downtown phx side & leaving an eagle putt 5 feet short (the birdie putt wuz missed too) putting directly into the grain on the par 5 island green 15th hole

real talk: with morikawa going thru 5 caddies last season, there is nobody (other than maybe his longtime coach rick sussinghaus) on planet earth that has watched in person collin hit more putts in his professional golf career than me & i can honestly tell you he's arguably the worst greens reader on the pga/gpa tour

all 6 of morikawa's professional victories have been on relatively flat vanilla greens with minimal internal contouring: harding park, royal st georges, narashino (japan) & 3 nicklaus designed courses (montreux, the concession & muirfield village)

collin may not wanna listen to shocky now but that's not gonna stop me from continuing to support my fellow hopa/hopa (we both got tiger moms) poly, same height/weight, culinary foodie, animal rescue facility supporter & high gpa haas biz ad grad!!

https://instagr.am/p/DUb1Pogj35B
https://instagr.am/p/DPw4NsRkWYt
life is NOT ******* linear (and everybody gotta different learning curve working with the monster, thx goodness my yoga brah jaylen brown wuz not as stubborn as **** as collin)#
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Shocky1
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8:12p, 2/6/26
2027 high school recruiting update:


2027 stanford decommit 3.92 gpa 6'8" 320 lbs offensive tackle ben lowther from centennial high school in peoria arizona is an ELITE priority target for the cal football staff!!

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (including lake pleasant)
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Shocky1
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8:30p, 2/6/26

KAAAABBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WELCOME diablo valley college spring grad punter jacob johnson to the local california golden bears football program!!

recruiting assists to cal poly grad/cal fb alum thomas lee & berkeley grad/standout bears kicker james langford in signing the livermore high school product


the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (not just the united states, tosh don't be a ******* dumb azz)
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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 9:01p, 2/6/26
Shocky1 said:
cal/oregon transfer portal recruiting update:

https://instagr.am/p/C4jUbRFP3xK
wut up cooper, did u know that all 3 of my kids graduated too from notre dame prep in north scottsdale??

https://instagr.am/p/DB3BBwaxPeL
https://instagr.am/p/CxRVdYQPFNO
don't be a dumb azz (never call sister yolanda "shorty" and/or order the 30 day old deep fried barracuda at mastro's)#


KAAAAAABBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AWESOME NEWS that 2027 3.7 gpa sideline to sideline inside linebacker 6' 225 lbs gunnar perry from ndp is gonna be joining his slightly smarter biological bro 4.0 gpa cooper in berkeley!!

notre dame prep is bear territory (just ask berkeley grad/former bears longsnapper slater zellers)#
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Shocky1
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9:12p, 2/6/26
2027 high school recruiting update:

former 2027 decommit (the only commit from the prior staff) linebacker broncs baker got michigan (conditional not an actionable offer) & 5 academic garbage time skools in his final 6

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